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Not a lot to say. I score very high on Mormon credability scale. BIC, RM, MIT etc. Have 4 kids, none of which have stayed in the church who are currently past the age of majority. So I seem to be a dismal failure at raising new Mormons. I have pretty much given up on any claims the church makes about exclusive authority or truth. At best, it is an institution that works quite well for some while being terribly damaging to others. DW is TBM, and I love her dearly, so I am stuck. I appreciate any advice and support I can get about how to cope.
So goes the journey . . .
Welcome to the group Stan. Do you really consider yourself a
Quote:…a dismal failure at raising new Mormons
I have (3) adult children who have followed their own path.They each have their own belief system that we talk about from time to time.
In terms of eternity, I don’t know if this is final.
They seem well adjusted & happy. That’s all I ask at this point.
I hope you will find peace with us.
Keep posting.
I’m happy if my kids are good people, and so far I am happy. Many of us have TBM spouses. There are things I do only because of her and there are things I do because I want to. There are also things I don’t do.
Welcome. Someone asked me just yesterday what I want for my kids (ages 12-26). I said that I would love it if they all died active in the LDS Church, but, even more, I want them to be happy and maximize who they are individually – to be as “godly” as possible, whatever that means for each of them.
I am currently focusing on my upcoming kid on not about being me or what I want but what they want. I would like well placed moral values of course. But I am using and implementing a newer parent theory called “self determination theory-patenting”. It seems like the one I most would have loved to grow up in(I grew up in strongly authoritarian parenting style) but don’t like permissive and certain key elements of authoritative don’t focus on kids autonomy to much. So I choosing “self determination theory parenting”. I hope you can find your own way and help your kids establish morals while finding out who they are and being supportive. Anyways best of wishes and prayers to you. Welcome to the site. I think many of us can relate to our kids going their own way. I’m constantly surprised at how many parents have found that their kids chose differently when they reached adulthood. It’s so celebrated in the church when our kids stay active that it’s easy to feel like we’re seen as failures. No easy answers. We want what’s best for our kids, but once they are adults, we don’t get a vote. What I see sometimes that is just unnerving is that in some Mormon families, the parents act in very controlling ways toward their adult children and even the spouses of those adult children. It’s unwise, in my opinion, unwise and unwarranted, and it probably reveals a psychological problem.
Welcome to the site, Stan. If you are like me in any way, you will simply find coming here to be quite therapeutic.
Hi Stan, My family and I participate at various Christian churches. DW and I have had several discussions about how seeing the differences in the church teachings might confuse the children.
If confusing the children is the opposite of only teaching one thing and saying that it is the only truth – then I suppose I vote for confusing the children.
Even so, I worry about their ability to make good choices during their teenage years without a rigid “iron rod” to take hold of. I suppose that is what parenting is all about – trial and error in an ever changing landscape.
Welcome to the site Stan!
:thumbup: Welcome Stan. Your statement about being a failure in raising new Mormons got me thinking. Are your kids responsible in their lives outside of church? If they are, you did a good job. Also I do believe that it takes a village to raise a child and the church with it’s imperfect leaders, teachers, policies, and programs also share in the success and failure of keeping kids in church. Don’t despair and be extra good to your wife durning all of this. Hi Stan. It’s good to have you here! This forum has been a major factor in my ability to cope lately. The only advice I have is to stick around! I am very late in thanking you all for the warm welcome. The registration process took a while and I never found the emails that said it was all done. But I am not critical of the admins for this board, as I assume they are doing what they have to run a well-moderated, safe, quality forum. While my adult kids are not active in the Church, they are generally trying to find their way to being good people. My oldest got married and completed her PhD in the last year. My next oldest will graduate and become a math teacher next Fall. DS is very ADHD, and wants to be some kind of artist. He has loads of talent, but lots of challenges to go with it.
Thanks for the welcome. I am looking forward to getting to “know” the folks in this forum.
Thanks for the follow-up Stan. Sounds like your kids are generally stable and well adjusted with a good shot and living good fulfilling lives. Sounds like every parents wish to me. 
Hi, stan. I hope you get as much from this site as I have. I hope you don’t feel like a failure re. your kids. It seems to me that there are as many unhealthy ways for your kids to “stay active” as there are healthy ones. hawkgrrrl wrote:What I see sometimes that is just unnerving is that in some Mormon families, the parents act in very controlling ways toward their adult children and even the spouses of those adult children. It’s unwise, in my opinion, unwise and unwarranted, and it probably reveals a psychological problem.
I have seen this in spades, mostly revolving around marriage decisions.
:thumbdown: Hi Stan, Welcome, and as someone said, just come on here and vent. Maybe that will help you to process some of what you are feeling. I am new here myself, and this board has been extremely helpful. As for your children, I have always appreciated JS telling us to “teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves”. It puts the burden right where it should be. I agree that there is some sort of “scoring system” in the church where you get points for your kid getting their Eagle Scout, or YW award, going on a mission, marrying in the temple, etc. It doesn’t matter that they have known their fiance for 3 weeks before they got engaged, if the marriage is in the temple, score! Like the others have said, what matters is that your children are happy, productive, and loving. God will judge us and our children, not the members of the church. You sound to me like you have great kids, you have done well.
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