Humming in the Gospel

Years ago, there was a missionary companionship that taught one of my friends. In the lesson, they said:

“Why does a humming bird hum?”

Answer: “Because he doesn’t know the words”.

They admitted it was a kind of dumb joke, but they related it to not necessarily knowing all the answers or “words” of the gospel, but feeling a certain way about the gospel that motivates obedience and faith. Humming is the feeling you have about it, without the words to describe the details.

This analogy came to me, in a reverse kind of way, this week, even though I had pretty much forgotten about the missionaries and their hummingbird analogy.

I was asked to meet with a priesthood leader this week, and thought for sure it would be about a temple recommend. When they asked me why I didn’t have one, I would probably just give a vague answer like “I’m not passionate about a TR right now”. And if they pressed, I was going to rely on a reverse version of the “humming in the gospel” analogy. Because that is truly where I am at.

I’ve had several traumatic experiences in the church that hurt my commitment and faith. At the time these occurred, and for many years later, I could articulate what happened precisely. I could spell it out in detail what people said, how I felt, what I felt was wrong about the situation etcetera. I was willing to share it online repeatedly etecetera, in detail.

This time, I couldn’t actually remember it all (a good thing), but I could still hum the tune. It’s the residual feeling those experiences have left about the church. Some people always say “but those things happened years ago!” — as if wrongs that occurred in the past somehow become irrelevant with the passage of time. True, the details may blur, and you might stop feeling overwhelming angst about those experiences, but the “hum” — the residual feeling about those events – remains.

So, if I get asked to share why I don’t have a TR, I expect I will just say something to deflect the question. But if they press, I may rely on the hummingbird analogy — indicate the actual details about why I feel the way I do have long since faded, but the residual lack of commitment I feel about serving in the church *right now* lingers, as a kind of hum that is independent of any words or explicit details….

FYI…

[the meeting wasn’t about a TR, so all this was moot anyway, but I love the analogy and wanted to share it].