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As someone who has had to forgive too much for one person in a lifetime, I have found one test for myself to check myself. You see, I have learned that some people are so wounded/defective/clueless, etc. that you must forgive from a distance….setting boundaries, not trusting them again ever after yet another terrible injury from them. So, my test for myself is this: if I see them on the side of the road, wounded, would I be able to rush to their assistance for that moment to help them? If I can say yes to that and know I really feel that in my heart, then I am okay with forgiving them their injuries to me or mine, as well as being okay with setting boundaries- even if it means keeping them at arms length. Amen to AmyJ and afterall. AmyJ, your addition regarding charity provides another layer to consider. I love that charity helps to gain clarity about reality to help both you and the other person interact (or not, whatever the case may be) in the future. Charity is not some far-off ideal, but takes place in real-time.
afterall, I have also found your perspective to echo mine, especially as of late. Through my line of work in the healthcare industry, I have observed that some people really do not have some capabilities and will most likely not attain them while they are living. I have also learned that it is far better for me to set specific boundaries and enforce them so that our interactions don’t devolve into trying to control each other or resentment. Asking the question “Would I help if they needed it?” sounds like a good litmus test to see how much hurt we’re holding onto for the sake of making ourselves feel better or superior.
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