[aaron2]

I really appreciate all the replies and time you guys put into responding. They have been a been a strength to me and have given me a lot to ponder.

I should add that my wife has come a long way in the last couple of months. She too is starting to have a lot of doubts. I won’t go into it further because I know she wouldn’t want me to speak on her behalf.

and Cylon… no, it’s not too personal. You guys don’t even know who I am… I have nothing to fear by posting here. Sex with my wife is good and often. It seems to make no dent in my addiction. My wife really is a great person and I’m lucky to have her. Time will only tell as to where we will all end up. While divorce is always a real option, I feel that we’re heading away from that option right now as we both make good progress towards healthier living.

As for my porn addiction, I readily agree that the attitude that the church culture plays towards it is completely blown out of proportion and that is what has stopped me from being able to overcome it. While I do think some… a lot of men, probably look at it from time to time, this is not me. I use it to suppress issues in my life that are painful for me. Shame and guilt from being raised in a problem home, to being raised in a church who feeds on guilt and fear. My big reason for taking time away from the church was to get away from that while I focus on dealing with the issues in my life that are the root cause of my unhealthy living. I believe that as I become a more healthy person mentally and spiritually, I will have no more need for the other. As I told my Bishop once… stop telling me to mow the lawn when my house is on fire… He didn’t like the example… lol and began proceedings with the stake president for a church court. Later after in depth discussions with me, he decided to hold off a bit and try to see if I would make any progress.

I will continue working on letting go of the guilt and shame for who I’m not, and will work on forgiving myself.

[Author]

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