[Alfie]

Thanks everyone for your comments! Actually, I can see a whole new world of possibilities for this and all other areas of my life that I would have never considered before. I feel so liberated and it’s wonderful!

[Alfie]

I recall a talk or Ensign article by Boyd K. Packer from many years ago, maybe the late 70’s or early 80’s. He was addressing members who had an inactive spouse, not necessarily a spouse who had been active and then lost faith. But his message was to never give up, and to show an increase of love and respect for the inactive spouse. It was helpful to me at the time.

[Alfie]

Katie,

Thank you so much for that post. I had my crisis of faith about 6 months ago and I’m just beginning to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve been in such a state of confusion and turmoil, but I am beginning to sort out what I believe and what I don’t. Your post has helped me so much.

[Alfie]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think the suggestion to talk it over with the bishop is a good one. It is a balancing act because we don’t want to offend anyone which we have done in the past with home teachers who are too pushy. We have a situation right now with our current home teacher who is pushing too hard. I think we have either offended him or hurt his feelings by not accepting his frequent invitations.

Along those lines, we had an interesting exchange last fast Sunday where two ward members stood to bear testimony and encouraged everyone to “friendship” a certain non-member family that lives in our ward boundaries. The family has apparently asked in a friendly and tactful way to be left alone because they are happy in the church they attend, but their request fell on deaf ears.

I have made a decision concerning my TR which is about to expire. I’m not ready to renew it. Maybe some day I will, I don’t know. If the bishop calls me in to renew, I’m ready to tell him what’s going on with me right now. I’ve received much help from all that I’ve been reading here and feel empowered to make some small steps into the unknown.

[Alfie]

Thanks to all of you for your kind welcome and sharing your experiences. It definitely takes courage to face this crisis and there is nothing like the help we can get from others who have also been through it. I look forward to being farther down the road in this process. Right now my mind is continually swimming with questions for which there aren’t answers. Everything in my life was looked at through distorted lenses. For awhile I kept hoping I would wake up from this bad dream, but I wouldn’t want to go back to where I was before. I think the process is sort of like self de-programming, and it’s painful.

I finally shared all of this with my husband. He again brought up the subject of going to the temple some day, and so I knew I had to tell him what’s been going on. At first it was very hard to get the words out. Sort of like if you don’t say it, you can continue to pretend it’s not real. He had noticed something was bothering me. Then the flood gates opened and we talked for hours. He’s very supportive of whatever I decide to do. He said he would go to the temple for me if it is what I want, not that he has a belief in it. (Also our children who are active want very much to be sealed to us.) He has always been comfortable with just not knowing, and that’s where I hope to end up. He has faith in God and prayer, and that’s enough for him. He has expressed some interest in attending other churches, and that is fine with me. I would go with him to support him. I will probably always attend Sacrament meeting in my ward. I don’t know yet how much else I will be involved with in the church. He would attend church with me more often, but he is always made the ward project and that drives him away.

Again, thank you to everyone. I am inspired by your responses and comments. It gives me hope that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Author]

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