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*erasing my own comment because it didn’t make sense with the question asked* I can’t figure out how to delete my comment on the Tapatalk app though so I just edited it instead.
I can’t seem to find it by googling ‘deseret news faith crisis’. You may need to post a link so we can all be sure we’re discussing the same article Good heavens. I get what he’s trying to say, but he failed miserably at it. I liked the part in the feminist Mormon housewives blog where it was compared to blindness. Since he sees it as a disability, he could also have said, there aren’t any blind members of the church because that doesn’t define you. Your ability to see isn’t important, what’s important is that you’re a child of God. Definitely didn’t make the point he was trying to.
I don’t get the whole ‘how would you dress if the savior stood beside you?’ thing. I think I’d be more worried about what sins I’d committed than what I was wearing. Unless I was in underwear :bolts away: but if I was in my everyday clothes, my clothing wouldn’t be my first worry. Christ never cared how people were dressed when He was on the earth. I DO see why it can be seen as a respect thing, but I don’t know how much Christ would or wouldn’t care what we wore to church. I know He cares what we wear to the temple, but i’m not sure about church. I have been noticing lately that even through my faith crisis, I get these feelings of ‘I need to get back to the TBM I was’ or ‘I think eventually I’ll go back to being a TBM or I’ll leave the church because I can’t stay in between forever’ or i’ll suddenly get this urge of ‘I have to become temple worthy again as soon as possible.’ I have to remind myself that it’s okay to stay where I am and think about things and let things take their time. I’m sure if I jumped toward the church or completely away from the church, I would regret it. It’s so interesting though how growing up so TBM, I have these habits still of feeling like I need to constantly get better in the church or something bad will happen. It’s hard to feel comfortable in gray areas when it comes to church things and I think that’s because of the ideology of the church that you need to be constantly moving forward in the church or you’ll move backwards. Yet, it feels important to be a fence-sitter, as they say, right now so I can process everything That is true, I can see why you’d rather not spend the money if you know the cause of the anxiety. Anxiety is a very common thing people deal with, so one thing you could do instead of therapy is just Google ways to help with anxiety. There are tons of ways that different people deal with it, and it may help you when you’re having an especially difficult time. I’m assuming you didn’t have anxiety before this calling so you probably don’t know the different techniques for warding off panic attacks. It may be helpful to look around for ideas since you want to stick with the calling for now. As FaithfulSkeptic said though, your mental health is more important than a calling. I hope this doesn’t come across wrong, because sometimes people get upset when therapy comes up, but I am a huge advocate of therapy. Several of my family members have been to therapy for major or minor things, and I’m currently in therapy for anxiety. Let me tell you, it is really refreshing having someone to talk to about things i’m struggling with who knows how to handle discussing difficult things and won’t judge or tell you ‘that’s wrong’. I don’t think you need a lot of therapy or anything but it may be a comfort to have a therapist that you enjoy seeing, to just be able to go see on occasion when you’re having an especially difficult time, or if you just want to talk about your faith crisis with someone a bit. Like I said, I hope you don’t think that I think you’re crazy[emoji2]I just personally love therapy and know several people who it helps as well so it just might be a comfort to have another person available who can help you with techniques for handling lots of stress or anxiety when those feelings come up. Just my thoughts 
Eta: I have some major respect for you for taking the calling again! Mad props to you! I don’t know if I could have
Sorry, I dont know the answer. I dont know anyone personally who has had to live a celibate life so i have no personal examples. I just wanted to say I was thinking about this the other day, how they have to give up more for their religion than most people ever do. I can’t even imagine having to decide to choose the church over marrying someone you love. How often do people have to marry someone they’re not at all attracted to at all, or live a life of celibacy in order to remain a part of the church? Not many. They’re being asked to give up a huge part of life. I can’t even imagine the struggle. I really feel for them.
In this hypothetical situation, how exactly are they ‘monitoring’ my internet use? Because I think if they would only find out if I published my name to something online, I would just be on anonymous boards like this so they wouldn’t find out and that’d be enough for me. I don’t feel the need to speak out against the church right now, at least. Even though i know some people are believing the church in ignorance, i don’t feel like it’s my right to ruin their ignorant bliss and there’s already enough things out there for them to find. They will figure things out one day on their own. But if the church were able to actually monitor all of my internet use, I don’t think I would be able to keep quiet online because I NEED to discuss things with other people. I don’t tend to want to speak out in Sunday school in most instances, but I think that’s mainly because I’m an introvert.
Orson, Nice! I became Jane Doe and filled it out after that. I really wanted to tell my story so thanks for the idea!
I was thinking of doing it, but am too afraid to give them my name and everything. I wish it was anonymous since I don’t know the SLT enough to trust them with details of my faith crisis AND my name On a side note, all the apostles doubted Mary when she came back and told them Christ had returned from the dead. I think Thomas is singled out because he was the last one to see Him and so Christ was there to reprove him of his doubting, even though all of them doubted initially Thanks everyone! I asked someone at church and told her we would pay her as well and she got very adamant (almost angry) that she did not want to be paid so I left it at that because she seemed very serious about not being paid. So, yay free babysitting! Whoops, still trying to figure out how to quote people on here. What I wanted to say was that I thought your rebuttal for the commandment approach sounded good. I think your last sentence ‘paying tithing is something I would like to aspire to at some point, but I don’t feel passionate about it right now’ would make a good answer for why you aren’t ready to pay tithing yet. You may not ever want to pay tithing, but I think the bishop would handle it best if you made it sound like something you were working towards doing someday. You don’t even have to say that you’re paying other organizations, because then he’ll question your motives for supporting them instead of the church and i’m assuming you’d like to avoid that. You may have to come up with a way to prepare for the ‘you should keep the commandment until you have a testimony of it’ reply as well
