Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
DH’s blessing bluntly stated that he would serve a foreign mission .. And he was sent to English speaking stateside. Youngest DD got her PB right before leaving home for college as a 15 year old. She is an Aspergers kiddo who has a life planned out for herself that is not exactly the norm.
Patriarch had done the blessing for our older DD many years before. Seeing him again, I realized that he had decreased in mental functionality enough that I almost canceled the blessing appointment, but didn’t want to take away from DD’s experience. I should have cancelled. He was released 6 weeks later due to failing health. I assume senile dementia.
Her PB was completely generic. There was an encouragement to serve a mission. The rest of the focus was on getting married, and have babies.
I was annoyed. It also made me go back and read my own PB with a different viewpoint. Instead of looking for how my PB needed to guide my life, I looked to see if there was anything that was truly specific to me. My own PB is very generic .. down to telling me as a woman that I need to become a teacher. It made me feel so sad to realize there was nothing customized to me or my life in my PB.
A newspaper horoscope is just as personal as my PB.
Thank you for sharing the original video. I agree with everything she stated. Below is a link to a NPR talk on girls and pleasure that I found insightful. I do wish society and the church broadened discussions into areas other than “Women as Sexual Gatekeepers”.
Years ago, I gave a Father’s Day talk. Earlier that year, I had visited for a few minutes with a local mother. She was complaining/commenting about someone who didn’t treat their kids very well. She was disapproving of their parenting.
The conversation really had an effect on me because the mother commenting to me was a HORRIBLE parent. Her kids were dirty, the house was a wreck and two of the older kids (10 and 12) were living in her back shed. Her husband had been seen by the neighbors beating their children with a baseball bat. CPS was constantly involved in their lives. Of all people, I thought she would be indifferent to poor parenting.
Listening to her, I realized that people do the best they can. Even when the results are poor, it does not mean they don’t care.
My own father was not a very good father. He was actually a terrible father. He loved his children very much, he just had a lousy way of showing it.
I talked about those people and focused on recognizing the efforts that fathers make. I discussed to need to find appreciation in those efforts .. even when those efforts fall short. I talked about God’s commandment to honor our father and mother. To give honor to that position of parent — and father — in our life is important. It makes us better people.
I didn’t talk at all about perfect people.
While I talked, babies were shushed, the chapel are quiet, and people appeared to lean forward as they listened. I took it as a sign that people want to hear about real life problems and situations.
I moved back to California from Brazil at the age of 17. I did my last year of HS instead of early graduation as a way to figure out how to be “American” again. For years in Brazil, I identified as an American. When we moved back to the US, I realized that I wasn’t one. I wasn’t Brazilian either. I was truly a Third Culture Kid (TCK) .. and had gone to schools full of TCKs while living abroad. And through it all, I thought I was Mormon. Then I showed up to BYU Provo. I was moving into the dorms at Deseret Towers .. I showed up wearing white harem pants, a red tube top, a cute black vest that covered me up a bit, and stiletto heels. It was a great outfit that had served me well in Santa Barbara. It didn’t go over well in Provo. REALLY didn’t go over well ..
I quickly learned that my identity as a Mormon had nothing to do with what Mormons did/wore/believed in Provo. They didn’t like my very conservative Brazilian swimsuit either. I found out that the word “conservative” means different things in different places.
I look back and laugh about the disconnect. At the time, it was horrible being plopped into the middle of a religious culture that I couldn’t identify with. Those were some hard lessons ..
Maybe just be supportive of her religious journey? She is 18. We all do stupid things when we are that age. A mission is no worse and certainly much better than many other options. She might end up with another language, and some really cool cultural experiences .. Or she might end up in Southern Idaho. A mission isn’t prison. If she hates it, she can go home. It’s not like her family is going to judge her for not completing it.
Support her journey .. even when the path is not the one you are on.
Looking Hard: That particular essay is a personal favorite. Beautifully done.
I had considered attending services last Sunday with DH until I got an email from the RS. The lesson in RS was going to be based on the Stephenson GC talk. I could not attend services knowing that they would be discussing that talk and handling it as full of Faith Promoting experiences.
That let me here to growl like some angry momma bear.
Roy: I hadn’t been to church in a really long time .. I attended last month and a missionary was speaking. She talked about God being just like a Gumball Machine. All we need to do is be righteous and follow everything that the church asks of us and blessings will come pouring out like gum balls.
It was all I could do to not throw rocks at her .. or spitwads.
Growing up in the LDS church, I still look for a higher standard of integrity and honesty in the local LDS clergy and higher ecclesiastical leaders than in the larger Christian population. (I know .. I need to get over that). As I take a step back and look at the information with a more critical eye, it annoys be to see so much hyperbole, so many half-truths, and outright dishonesty done in the name of The One True Church. Seems even more dishonest when they are claiming prophecy.
Quote:Old-Timer wrote:
Elder Stephenson never said all the missionaries throughout the entire coastal regions attended the meeting. He said what would have been a district meeting was extended to all missionaries in that zone (including those from “several coastal cities”, NOT all of the coastal cities). The online discussion accounts confirm that.
You are correct. DH and I had that conversation as I was frothing at the mouth and venting about this particular GC talk.
He insinuates many things but doesn’t actually say them. That habit increased my discomfort and annoyance.
Such speaking habits from high church officials cause members to hear the wonderful and miraculous conclusion without noticing or examining the careful phrasing that preceded the conclusion.
Such trickster habits are expected when promoting shady loans and business practices. In certain public speaking venues, hyperbole and dramatic license are expected and encouraged. I expect a different and better standard out of ecclesiastical leaders who claim to represent God, who are speaking in an ecclesiastical setting and who are called the Lords Appointed.
Comments state that GC talks should all be read with a grain of salt, an entire shaker, or a salt truck or two. What does that say about the authorities of the entire religion? At what point do we put church authority publications down on the Sci Fi/Fantasy shelf?
I do not speak German .. yet. My DD has decided that Munich is her first choice of universities. She is starting a German course next week .. so .. I hope to learn too. I love the word fetterneid. It was on Word Of The Day a few years ago. It means “Fat Envy”. Jealousy is the easiest translation into English. I think it’s an awesome word. Weltschmerz was one I had to look up on Google Translate. It means “World Weary”
I’ve reached a point at which I feel a certain amount of schadenfreude when I look at certain verschlimmbesserung situations in the church. Get out the popcorn … It’s DRAMA time.
My real annoyance with the Pathways program is that it was heavily pushed by the church, but BYU-I didn’t give any sort of reduction in tuition for such online courses. The Pathways program doesn’t teach a lot of marketable skills. Too many pathway programs are focused on genealogy and family life skills. Yes, you can earn a degree in those areas, but such degrees are not going to allow SAHMs to become significant wage earners. This second program of financial self-reliance could too easily be turned into a mass MLM situation.
The church needs to decide what it wants out of its people. There are too many mixed messages. It is hard for an individual to be a family-focused parent of a large family that sees money as not the end goal .. while at the same time being a hard-driven corporate rising star.
The phrase “Remember The Sparrow” kept me going through some tough times. Then I found out that 83% of baby sparrows and robins do not live to adulthood. That was the start of my questions.
If God takes such poor care of the simple sparrow, how can I expect Him to keep any other promise listed in the scriptures?
Then I started reading about church history in an attempt to steer clear of an unhealthy ward dynamic.
Boom .. All fall down.
SnowEyes: Two years ago, I quit wearing garments but I was still attending services. When visiting out of town family, I was asked about the lack of garments. I told them that I was trying to figure out my relationship with the LDS church, but that my relationship with God was very good. That was the same response that I gave to the few members who asked me about my lack of garment lines and the small cross that I started wearing.
A few months ago, I let my extended family know that I had left the LDS church completely but that I didnt want a discussion about it. There was no drama. A few individuals waited a couple weeks and then approached me about my stance. My side of the conversation was emphatic that I didnt want to change their beliefs or talk trash about that LDS church .. So I didnt want to discuss it. I stated that I was going the direction that God was leading me. My 84 year old mother was so concerned until she realized that I wasn’t bashing the church. Then she laughed and commented that she knew of some historical details that would be hard to believe. I was stunned by her comment.
Two weeks ago, my MIL came through town for a quick visit after completing her 8th mission ( I’ve been telling people it was her ninth. I was wrong). During the visit, I told her that I had left the LDS church. She handled it graciously. She wished me well and told me that she was pleased that I made her son so happy.
My suggestion for your situation, just go slow and keep drama as low as possible.
I’m sitting here remembering and grinning. When my Aspie daughter turned 12, she was asked to be the Beehive secretary. She refused because she did not think that she was up to the challenge. There was lots of eye rolling from leadership. We sat down with the manual and went over the list of requirements. She decided to try the position with the understanding that she could request to be released if she felt overwhelmed. She was the best secretary they ever had. The president would show up to council meetings and DD had made sure the meeting minutes and Beehive Class History were current and up to date.
YW leadership were actually stunned at DD’s level of detail and effort. DD was thrilled to recognize that she was up to leadership positions. She realized that she could handle ANY of the positions.
Maybe tell your son that it’s okay to try passing the sacrament. Have him come up and practice his route. Make sure he has an assigned route. As he gets more comfortable, his anxiety will decrease and he might decide that he wants to continue doing it .. or not.
