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I love the taste of coffee. I love the way it smells. I love the social elements of going out for coffee with colleagues. That being stated, I do not drink it. I order herbal tea and work very hard to look like I am enjoying it.
Why? Because I don’t want anyone to say I left the church because I had problems with the WoW.
For me and my journey, distancing myself from the church needs to be about the history and tenets of the belief. I don’t want anyone to look at my life and come up with an easy excuse for way I left. ( And yes .. I know they will anyway.)
A second reason .. Even more important than the first .. Is that while I am slowly (at a snails pace) leaving the church, my husband is a devote apologist. We are very supportive of one another, and I wouldn’t want to do anything that made him uncomfortable. Having people come ask him about his wife swilling coffee — and I would want margaritas too — would definitely cause him some discomfort.
Be honest with yourself .. Honest in your relationships .. And kind. That is all any of us can do. . Whether that includes coffee, no one but you has that answer.
I meet LDS singles who are holding out for a LDS spouse. For me, if I couldn’t find someone suitable within the church, I would certainly date and marry outside the faith. It makes me very sad to meet a wonderful person in their mid thirties who has no LDS prospects, and will not consider dating or marrying a non-LDS person. The thought of staying celibate, childless, alone — To me is unacceptable. I would much rather marry outside my faith. Talking to women who have married outside the church, they tell me that it isn’t as big of an issue as they had been led to believe. Some of that might be generational. Society is more accepting of differences that they were 50 years ago.
Quote:My experience is that sharing your real feelings with other believing members irretrievably changes my relationship with them for the significant worse. I would be hesitant to share, both in front of members and in front of leaders, who are indeed the ones who will be the portkeys for future membership status.
SS … Exactly.
A member came to me and said, “Meet The Mormons made me uncomfortable because those people were so different. They must be inactive”
If church propaganda makes members uncomfortable, imagine the discomfort with a local group of church policy/ history discussion. The culture isn’t set up to handle discussion. Discussion and questions have too often been treated as heresy. The culture needs to change, but that doesn’t happen quickly.
This whole discussion just makes me so sad. This attitude within the church is what is driving me away. I cannot think of another organization out there who expects blind obedience and faith in leaders without any ability to question any decision. My prayers do not confirm all things related to the church. I would like to discuss that. Where do I go for THAT discussion within the framework of the church? I could sure stir up a Gospel Essentials class!
I’ve been traveling. Checked into the hotel tonight and checked this post .. Just hoping for ideas as I am going to need to kick it I to high gear as soon as I get back. Your ideas are great .. But the comments are priceless. I wish I could use those for the party! I lack bravery.
— Amateur Parent
Quote:To be nobody but myself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. -E.E. Cummings, poet (1894-1962)
I came across that this morning and I have been thinking about its importance all day.
— Amateur Parent
Quote:To be nobody but myself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
-E.E. Cummings, poet (1894-1962)
I came across the above quote this morning, and it struck a cord. It is hard to simply be ourselves. When we come across someone who pushes us to join their cause, their crowd, their beliefs, their whatever; It is even harder to maintain our boundaries.
Roy: Quote:My view in a nutshell is that God has all eternity to patiently help us become our ultimate selves. I am less certain on what that “ultimate self” will eventually look like. I believe in change and growth and goodness. I believe that “unfailing love” will always triumph given enough time.
I love that. Thank you for sharing.
— AmateurParent
I am always surprised when I hear someone talk about wearing g’s during intimate situations. I consider sex a sporting event that requires the appropriate apparel for the sport — such as good lingerie. Also .. I think God cares more about our kindness and compassion than he cares about our underwear.
So sorry that your life is complicated right now. Try the counselor again. If it isn’t a good fit, find another counselor. Keep looking. Maybe the marriage is salvageable .. Maybe not. But just taking time and effort to figure out the dynamic within the marriage will help you and your wife. I found doing some reading about boundaries was helpful for me personally. It helped me realize that iit wasn’t my job to keep everyone happy. Nor my job to tell people what they want to hear. It was my job to be honest .. In as kind and compassionate way as I am able.
Hang in there
I’ve been waiting for the Church to issue a “Temple Teddy”. I used to wear garments 24/7. When I don’t wear them all the time, I am happier with myself and happier with the church.
I have really enjoyed reading these comments. Personally, I always thought this story sounded like someone having a psychotic episode.
I always wondered if Isaac ever was able to trust his father again. Being tied up and almost killed would make most people a little afraid of that parent in the future.
The take away of the story, “Run Isaac Run”
Why do we even teach this?
Quote:My job required me to have an unprecedented amount of knowledge about church members, that shook my faith. I quickly asked to be moved out of that position.
What financial information about members could shake your faith? Yeah .. I’m nosy tonight.
Over the years, I have been surprised at how many LDS men I meet who love and adore their wives. They find their own wives capable, competent, and bright. Those same men often assume their wives are outliers — that other women are less capable and competent. I find the dicotamy interesting.
Please elaborate on your question when you can. What are you looking for?
To feel socially isolated .. And feel as if life is passing you by is a horrible experience. It is easy to wonder why no one is reaching out to you. And yet, people don’t as a rule reach out to anyone unless that person is directly in their own path.
As a 20 year old, you need to be able to talk about common experiences with other people your age .. Amusement parks, beach trips, movies, etc. Find a way to get yourself out of the house and involved. Join a group through the community college. Attend the YSA activities. Do not expect anyone to befriend you — expect to work hard trying to get other people pulled into the group. Work hard to help other people find social success. Lose yourself in those attempts and in service.
You will develop as a person and as a group member through those efforts.
Change will not happen overnight. It will be slow, but change will happen. You want to look back in 5 years and see progress. Make it happen.
