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I’ve thought of something else that helps me regulate my responses and mood in lessons. A Presbyterian friend once asked me to join a Bible study group. There was “homework” that you completed before attending the weekly talk and break-out small group discussions. The rule in the small group was that you would not contribute if you hadn’t done the reading and writing assigned. I felt a lot of unity and positive, constructive energy there. It was just a passing thing that I did with my friend, but it was a good lesson for me. What I would give for Roadrunner’s introduction and follow-up posts to be (with some possible edits) acceptable for The Ensign. Wayfarer and many others wouldn’t be so lonely. I’m not a scholar like many here. I’m just trying to figure out how to function. I’m conflicted about this site. On one hand, I’m so grateful not to feel alone. On the other, so sad that it’s necessary. Years ago cancer was whispered about. I don’t know exactly why and have a book on my shelf waiting to be read. (The Emperor of All Maladies. If anyone’s read it….) I feel like my spiritual doubts and questioning are unspeakable. There are many people at this site who are currently serving, searching and suffering. I wish we could just be more open. Okay, Ann, you have cancer. (I have doubts and concerns.)
It’s this kind of cancer. (There are certain aspects of the gospel as taught and church culture as experienced by most modern North Americans that are more troubling to me than others aspects of it.)
While there are risk factors for certain kinds of cancer, you do not have any of them. It’s bad luck, for lack of a better word.(I pretty much did what was expected of me and haven’t put myself at what LDS people would consider big spiritual risk. I have strived.)
There are many people with this cancer; you’re not alone. (How many people in the church have doubts and concerns?)
They can talk with you. You can read their stories. (I can here.
There are treatments. Here’s what we recommend and can do for you. The choice is yours. (If people could be more open, and not feel like they’re jumping off a cliff by going to a site like this, I imagine that this “disease” of doubt would be more treatable.)
We’re learning more all the time about this disease. Many live for a very long time, with good quality of life, even though they aren’t considered cured. (Would that people could, with love and mutual respect, and in reasonable times and places, say aloud the things they feel. We could live long, spiritual lives in the church and not hide.)
No guarantees. Try to love and live every minute you’re given. (Trying.)
I may never get around to writing a detailed introduction, and as I read the ones that are posted, I’m not sure I have much to add. I don’t know where I’ll land, but I’m happy to be passing through here. In some ways my mind is more clear and refreshed than ever. I see it in little, mundane events. A woman in my ward called me out of the blue this week. In the past I’ve always reacted to “Sandra” kindly while playing my mental recording labeled “Sandra.” It would go something like, “She’s got some real problems. Why does she burden her family with such strange eating habits? Kinda see why her sons couldn’t wait to leave home. I wonder what’s going on with her husband?” Etc. But this time I was really, truly happy she had called. I found some common ground. I wasn’t impatient and counting the minutes. It was great. I notice the biggest change in how I treat my husband. Thanks for maintaining this site, providing a place for me to put my questions and fears while I go about life. The first two posts in this thread really help me. God isn’t going to judge me based on Joseph Smith’s conduct. God isn’t going to judge me if it turns out that I’ve been gullible. Only on what I’ve done with what I have. Lots of details to work out, but this helps with the big picture. Does anyone know why Amazon has copies of “A Thoughtful Faith” selling for hundreds?
I listened to the Mormon Stories John Dehlin/Philip Barlow interview and would be interested in the thoughts of anyone else who has seen it. Thanks.
Re. the letter quoted in Nephite’s post: I have never understood that I made a covenant to wear garments, but that my garments are to remind me of the covenants I did make. Would appreciate some help. What is going on here? I’m asking myself if our culture/church is in a process, or not? Will MY children be middle-aged and have to hide major portions of their thoughts at church? My parents are midwesterners who joined the church in their twenties. I remember a couple of issues of Dialogue journals on our shelves around the time I was baptized, but they didn’t dwell on the thorny questions and served to the utmost in small wards and branches. They tended to “the one” and worked their own imperfections. But here were are more than forty years later afraid to be honest and half of my parents’ six children out of the church. Again, this may be a duplicate. Roadrunner, thank you very much for these examples. (And, Ray, I will look forward to whatever you add when there is time.) Parental responsibility is a painful problem for me right now. You said you “try to tell the truth whenever I am asked,” but some very important questions are only asked once, and my children were given answers then that I wouldn’t give now. My more nuanced approach – a huge mental shift in my own mind – is not, by design, making much of an impact on my children. I don’t have a question. Thanks, everyone. Hi, TSW – I’m reading through introductions and hope I can ask a follow-up question. How are things going with your children and with temple attendance? You asked how you could square your doubts and disagreement with wanting to be with them. I wondered if the passage of time has yielded an answer.
Thanks.
Sorry if this is a duplicate. What I thought I had sent doesn’t seem to have arrived. Roadrunner, could you give some concrete examples of being open about your beliefs without sharing doubts? I have not found that to be possible yet.
I would like to hear what anyone has to say about children. Where are the lines between parental responsibility, children’s agency and honesty?
Finally, does anyone in the know have the sense that thoughts such as those expressed at staylds are having any impact? I feel increasingly pessimistic about going forward (i.e., having a temple recommend on honest terms) in the church.
Thanks.
I’m starting to think that I’m in a faith crisis partly because of my personality. My husband sometimes concedes points I make, but they simply don’t concern him to the same degree. I have the trip wires you talk about strung like spider webbing. He tends to say, “Show me something better. I haven’t seen it, so I stay where I am.” In other aspects of our lives together he handled adversity, disappointment and uncertainty better than I did, so I wonder if part of my journey is to experiment with his approach. The comments after a September 27, 2012, post at By Common Consent are interesting, particularly if the meetings/discussions/voting by members of the Quorum of the 12 actually happened. The unfortunate/funny title of the post is “I Do So Wear Underpants,” which uses Ann Romney’s recent TV appearance as a springboard. Two or three comments that I wish EVERYONE could read follow the post. There isn’t tons. Just check it out. Some beautiful tunes that I hope make it into a new hymnal: “Be Thou My Vision,” “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” and “My Song is Love Unknown,” to the tune Rhosymedre. The music scene is sad lately. Pianists and organists who can play well at tempo are rare. We recycle the same twenty-five hymns quarterly, and, as a general rule ward choirs sing a very predictable, bland type of piece. But I have great memories of music in the church. The bickering and hairsplitting about dress codes, which everyone likes to call “modesty,” is ridiculous. The more dress codes we write, and the more unwritten ones we impose on each other with gossip and judgment, the further I think we get from the goal of men and women who respect each other and the covenants we make. It feels unseemly for an organization with as grand a purpose as the church’s to be micro-managing such a personal chore as getting dressed. I think it’s especially detrimental to girls who are already reduced to the sum of their parts by much of mainstream culture and are coming to church, to their meetings, to their leaders and parents for respite. There is something about this that I think diminishes us as a people and takes the focus off teachings and ideas that foster the undefinable and valuable modesty we need.
