[Antares]

Thanks for taking the time to respond Heber13. I appreciate what you had to say. Haven’t spent any time with Buddhism but wisdom is wisdom. You are right I can do something about my self imposed ridicule. And in fact this “either in the boat or out of the boat” ideology has not served me well and many solid members have tried to help me get past that. Such a contrast to my youth where every little infraction seemed to carry the weight of the world. I guess part of what I was trying to say is that even though the whole thing seems crazy to me on he surface, I truly believe there is something divine here. Like the BYU professor who, interviewed on Mormon stories, said something to the effect that – I don’t know about all the doctrinal stuff but I was convinced that this is where God attends Church. I think about the lesson the missionaries gave me regarding the organization of the Church when I was 11. I remember it vividly – the flannel board with all the little flannel figures. It sparked something in me. The missionaries refused to come back after 2 lessons since my parents would not take me to Church or be involved in any way. But I kept asking my Mom questions. My mom finally gave in and took me to an open house on a Friday night and I heard the Joseph Smith story and all that. And I went to Church for the first time the next week. My dad dropped me off in front of the Church and drove off. Standing there alone I hesitated for a long time before I went in. I didn’t know anyone nor did I know what to expect. Somehow I went in. And I never stopped going till my mid 20s. I really feel God pushed me through that door because I wasn’t bold enough nor did I have the courage to do that.

As to astrology – well, not astrology – I consider that a religion on its own! But a love of Astronomy was what motivated me to go back to school and get a degree. Unfortunately my only hobby in the last 20 years has been trying to keep up with my 2 kids. One of which is now, unbelievably, attending college in SLC!

Thanks………… and take care.

[Antares]

I can’t imagine the challenges you face with your health alone. And when one questions deep held beliefs about the Church and God in general – that is a completely unnerving and potentially devastating experience on its own. My heart goes out to you. With regard to questioning – I have, like many here, asked the same questions. Not feeling comfortable completely embracing the Church and religion in general and yet feeling empty when I turn my back to it. I read a conference talk by a GA (I don’t remember who) and he told a story about a woman that joined as an adult, attended a few years then went inactive. On a visit to Temple Square the woman was touched and said something to the effect “My heart yearns for what my mind cannot accept”. That is me. Though I have experienced it rarely, I have been a part of experiences which are neither intellectual nor emotional in nature – they were that elusive “spiritual” happening that keeps my faith alive. At any rate, all I really wanted to say was that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you can find peace in your life. I admire your courage in seeking support. Best wishes.

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