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Thank you “On Own Now”. Again, another good and different perspective for me to think about. In a way, I’ve been trying to do this (i.e. focus on what is good). I make sure he knows about the different activities available to him and make sure he knows that I understand what he is going through, but that the things he is missing out on are the good things he loves doing. However, I’m definitely a pessimist, so I’m sure I could do better. I will have to do some introspective thinking on your suggestion.
I’m sorry if my word suggested I was offend. I was not. I have had that issue before, so I try to work on not letting that happen. I apologize. I was just trying to make sure that the focus was not if he did or didn’t do it, but how to get my son to learn the lesson you just posted. amateurparent wrote:
The unequal treatment. The Boss’s son. The CEO’s daughter. The surgeon’s cousin. The pope’s illegitimate child .. Every ward, every stake, every organization, every company. Nepotism and unequal treatment. Sometimes, I wonder where the myth started that treatment within any organization involving humans was supposed to be equal or fair. It’s not.You hit the nail on the head. My son hasn’t learned that lesson yet, and I fear it is dragging him into this spiritual apathy. At 18 I had to learn a lesson for a similar but different reason, but it caused similar feeling to what he is feeling. It cost me 3 years of activity, where I made some really bad choices. The lord woke me up one day by putting someone in my path, but I could have very easily been that guy who left the church at 18 and never looked back. I look at those days with regret. I don’t want him to make my mistake, which is why I’m probably just being overly worried.
As to going to the Stake President, I’ve thought about that and I’m on the fence. I know for a fact he knows about it. First, again it was on the news (both TV and radio). Additionally, I know he received a letter from the Boy Scout telling him that this person’s membership was revoked. Lastly his son is in my son’s quorum. So, I kind of think that he and the Bishop already decided it was a non-issue. I may be wrong, but again, I’m not looking to be that guy who runs in and demands that he be removed.
I agree the PR would be bad, if the news got out. However, the issue is not with kids, but adults so “Pediphile” isn’t the work they would use. However, Ironically I think the bad press would be even worst for this SP then you thought. His is running for political office himself right now. So the headline would be something like “Local LDS Stake President and Candidate Allowed Rapist Full Access to children after Indictment”. You are probably right that the SP would probably be more concerned about the bad press than my son.
First, thank you all for your comments. While the parent in me still wants that magic answer to how to him out of his apathy (that probably don’t exist), everything that has been said has given me some new perspective. I’m really glad to see that I’m not the lone parent with problems like this. Hawkgrrrl, you are absolutely right, my son, like many kids, is definitely idealistic and lack life experience to bring him back to reality, and is hard-line and zealous. That is the issue in a nut shell. He hasn’t yet learned that life doesn’t always allow you to be hard-line and zealous and be happy at the same time, and that is isn’t always your place to enforce the rules. So when they are broken, you shouldn’t think that the entire system is broken.
Heber13, I agree and I don’t want to be that over bearing parent who demands perfection out of my children. I try to give him the freedom to make his own choices, especially given is track record. Like going to the temple this weekend. I did tell him I was disappointed that he didn’t feel it was important enough to go, especially since he wasn’t doing anything else, but I’m not going to demand he go. However, I admit that sometimes I worry that I’ve swung the other way to much sometime. That I should tell him he must go, so he will have the chance to feel the spirit the temple brings, so it would jog him out of his apathy. I don’t know.
university, while my experiences up until now regarding person in church leadership maintain their position of power because people gave them “the benefit of the doubt” has not been due to sexual issues, I have had other experience where leaders make some major errors in judgment that damages the faith of many people. It is still my option that what they did should have had them removed from their calling. So I agree with you, it happens a little too often in my opinion. I think that is why I wouldn’t make a good Bishop. I would probably get in trouble for have too many disciplinary councils.
As to your question as to why I haven’t told him I agree with him, I guess it’s because I think it will cause more harm the good. With my son, being hard-line and zealous, I think that if I straight out said “Your right”, it would cement his position in his mind. That worthiness isn’t important, only who you know. Then nothing I say or do, will help him understands that leaders are human and still make mistake, but the gospel is still true. I learned that lesson the hard way, and so I don’t want him to also. So my goal since August has been to find a way to teach him not let others dictate his faith. If we let others mistakes change our faith in the Gospel, we are doing a disservice to ourselves. I have indirectly told him that the YM’s President and Bishop made a mistake, as I have always referred to it as a mistake, but my focus has been to help him move past that and not let it change who he is. However, I feel like I’ve failed in that, and that is why I came here looking for idea.
It isn’t that he doesn’t understand that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. However, he is old enough to understand that when a person is accused of a sexual crime, it really isn’t appropriate to have a position over children, until the situation is resolved. This is the reason the Boy Scouts removed him from Scouting. They know he is only “accused”, but until such time the issue is resolved, he really has no place being in Scouting. For example, would you want your son’s School Teacher to be under indictment for a sexual crime, but still working at a School. I think he is absolutely right, but I don’t tell him that. I try to help him learn the lesson that we should only allow ourselves to decided what we believe. However, at his age, he feels that this man is getting special treatment because his brother-in-law is bishop. It’s the special treatment thing that has him upset. At his age, alot of things are all about “fairness”. He knows that if I were to be arrested, I would immediately be released from my calling. This make him wonders what makes it “right” that this man, who he already didn’t think was helping him, should not be only because his brother-in-law is the bishop.
Again, I am not here to debate if he did it or not. I know that we do not know the truth, nor do we know why he wasn’t released. I know it isn’t my or my son’s place to pass judgement. I know he may be innocent. Nor will I let it effect my worthiness. My issue is how to keep someone who is at a vulnerable age from having his testimony damages because of unequal treatment he sees going on.
