[Bobdecker]

FINALLY!! I can’t tell you how incredibly great I feel right now. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Just simply finding a forum of people going through similar things and being able to talk about this sort of thing is so incredibly relieving. I have been depressed and crushed over the past few years by not having anyone to talk to about these things. I can’t even talk to my closest of friends about this. About a year ago I wanted so bad to talk to someone about it that I called my old Sunday school teacher who had left the church, and went out to lunch with him. I asked him to lunch for one reason, to find out how he is dealing with everyone knowing he no longer believes. I just couldn’t get myself to say anything about my faith crisis during lunch. It’s so good to find this forum to FINALLY be able to talk freely.

Everyone’s advice is fantastic but I am still unsure what to do. Im sure time will tell but right now Im not ready for anyone to know how I believe or don’t believe. I have been able to attend and participate in church without going crazy for the last few years by thinking that even if its not completely true, that it can’t hurt to participate in ordinances. There are so many good things that come from families raised with all the ethics and community. I have played along this long and am thinking at the stage I’m in now, I should continue to play along by getting my recommend and taking my son through the temple in a few weeks. Im not 100% about this. I could be choosing this path because it seems the easiest and wont hurt my marriage either.

It is not appropriate to share personal financials but being an anonymous forum I will tell you this to understand and offer advice. My bishop knows my financial situation too well. He lives a few doors down. He and I both invest and we have done a few large business deals together last year. He knows I make way too much money a year and I have more than most in investments and assets. My wife sat down with him in tithing settlement in December without me and told him I was not going to pay any tithing last year. Im not sure what she said to him but she spent about an hour in tithing settlement and came home crying. So, if I go sit down with my bishop now, he knows I didn’t pay last year, and he knows that I do have the funds to pay it all. I think he will expect that if I truly believe, I will pay it all. My bishop doesn’t know that I have tried to donate the full 10% to other charities, but I have only given to the LDS church through the humanitarian fund, Fast offerings, and scouting last year. I just cannot simply hand the bishop a few thousand dollars for a month of tithing and get a temple recommend in exchange. I know that it is awful to buy a temple recommend just so my son wont have to question his/my beliefs or think his dad must be a sinner. So to wrap up this thought, I don’t think I can get myself to pay the expected amount of tithing to build more temples. I would be only be comfortable donating more to the humanitarian fund, scouting, YM YW programs, fast offerings, and perpetual education fund. I don’t have any problem donating to other good and charitable things that the church does for others. Could I tell the bishop I’m a full “tithe” payer if I donate to the other funds and not tithing?

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