[BuffetMormon]

Thanks for all your thoughts.

The members of the ward have been wonderful. I never felt out of place during my divorce. Many sisters were there for me during that time. (And even now). No one ever offended me.

And I realize that many of the local members are just doing what SLC tells them to do. My problem is really with the higher ups in the church. Although, I actually like Elder Uchtdorf a lot and think the church would undergo some serious policy changes if he ever became prophet. I just can’t continue the way the church is run now.

Thank you again!

[BuffetMormon]

Hi On My Own,

I understand your question. I am really not sure of the answer to your question. I have 2 guesses:

1. I still believe in the gospel- the BOM, the doctrine, etc.

2. I am just not ready to completely leave. This is a big step.

It has been a long time coming and I don’t see going back, but I just don’t think I can walk away completely. What if I regret the decision?

When one gets a divorce, there is a waiting period “just in case”. I don’t think that is where I am- this has been AT LEAST 2 years coming.

Weird, I know.

[BuffetMormon]

SilentDawning wrote:

nor is the experience of being a Mormon getting much better. There have been some improvements through some of the essays and Uchdorfts talks, but frankly, the experience of being a Mormon simply does not seem worth the amount I would have to pay in tithing to be in full standing — at least, not to me, at this time.

It is amazing that there are others who feel the same as I do. Wow. I could not have said that better. I will add that I am pissed off that we pay all this tithing AND we are asked to clean the chapel. Like the members are not burdened already.

I recently stopped paying tithing for all the reasons that Silent said. I have been miserable in the church pretty much since I joined (it’s the Gospel that has given me comfort) and I have decided to do it MY way. I am taking Uchdorft’s advice and making the church work for me. If others don’t like it, tough.

To get to your original question, I think the typical Mormon Bishop will tell you that it is a commandment and you should be paying your 10% to the church. My response? I would tell him EXACTLY how I feel. I would be honest. Things are not going to change in this church unless more people stand up.

[BuffetMormon]

YES! Didn’t even have to think about it. Why would anyone NOT want to push the button? (No, seriously, why would anyone NOT want to press it!?!)

[BuffetMormon]

Oh my, that happened to me a few months ago! And I had the same reaction (I was horrified that I felt that way).

It must be that I am not fond of some of the decisions (not repealing the temple marriage wait time, the recent gay policy, etc).

I don’t know what to do either.

[BuffetMormon]

I think its symptomatic of the problem in the church that we are even debating with Bishops about whether people should share where they want to serve…

SilentDawning, you are so right.

Here is the problem. Boyd K. Packer said (April 1999 General Conference): Bishops are inspired! Each of us has agency to accept or reject counsel from our leaders, but never disregard the counsel of your bishop, whether given over the pulpit or individually, and never turn down a call from your bishop.

There sure are reasons to turn down a calling. Perhaps he could have said, “Careful consideration and prayer should be given when offered a calling”. Yes, Bishops are inspired, but I don’t think they are always right. Sometimes it is just…. hey, we need a nursery teacher and so-and-so doesn’t have a calling.

Last school year, a new Seminary teacher was called. He was awful. The kids (including my son) did not like Seminary as taught by him. He would just read from the manual, have his wife do the lesson, have a student do the lesson or just teach for 10 minutes and let everyone play on their phone.I know my son was not lying because I heard it from the other mothers. About half way through the school year, I let my son stop going. My son was getting up at 5am for this? Towards the end of the school year, it became known that he never wanted the calling, but “never turn down a calling”. Wouldn’t it have been better for everyone involved if he had?

Why does the church have to be so black-and-white? NEVER turn down a calling? NEVER? Come on!!!!!

[BuffetMormon]

Hi Silent,

I don’t see your question as confrontational. 🙂 I say that you cannot tell them what calling you want because of the culture.

A few months ago, my Bishop told me that I should have a calling. I said, “Great, as long as it’s not in nursery”. (I am not fond of kids that age). And he said, “I never had someone tell me what calling they would or would not take”. My response was, “Well, I just did”.

You should definitely go back on YOUR terms. I wish we could choose where we would like to serve and what programs work for us as an individual. I know I will not take a calling that I would HATE.

I wish you luck. I love the Gospel (not necessarily the church) and I hope it works for you.

Merry Christmas!!!!!

[BuffetMormon]

I am not sure you can tell them what calling you want to have, but you can certainly turn down any you do not want.

I think you should return- on your terms. That is what I am trying to do. I go only to sacrament because that is what I can do at this point. If someone asks me why I am not going to the other meetings (or doing a myriad of other stupid things the church asks), I will just reply that “I am doing what Elder Uchtdorf said and I simplifying my approach to the gospel”.

I loved that talk– https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/it-works-wonderfully?lang=eng

My favorite quote: But sometimes we take the beautiful lily of God’s truth and gild it with layer upon layer of man-made good ideas, programs, and expectations. Each one, by itself, might be helpful and appropriate for a certain time and circumstance, but when they are laid on top of each other, they can create a mountain of sediment that becomes so thick and heavy that we risk losing sight of that precious flower we once loved so dearly.

[BuffetMormon]

The church is not working for me. (The Gospel is).

What does the church need to change?

1. Public wedding first and not having to wait one year for temple sealing.

2. Three hour Sunday worship needs to be shortened

3. Not having to be part of the “mold”. There is more than one way to be a member of the church. Example…… Early morning Seminary does not work for everyone yet I am not allowed any other option for my kids (even though the options exist).

4. Unrealistic expectations. I cannot go to church for 3 hours on Sunday, have FHE, get my kids to early morning Seminary, get them to mutual, do genealogy, attend the temple, feed the missionaries, share the BoM with my neighbor, cook for the sister that just had a baby AND earn money and raise my children. I cannot do all that!!!!

I love Pres. Uchtdorf’s Saturday morning conference talk because when I am asked why I don’t do such and such, I say “I am taking President Uchtdorf’s advice and simplifying my approach to the Gospel”.

Elder Uchdorf knows exactly what the church is doing to its members when he said: “But sometimes we take the beautiful lily of God’s truth and gild it with layer upon layer of man-made good ideas, programs, and expectations. Each one, by itself, might be helpful and appropriate for a certain time and circumstance, but when they are laid on top of each other, they can create a mountain of sediment that becomes so thick and heavy that we risk losing sight of that precious flower we once loved so dearly.”

My question is…..now that they know that they are doing this, do you think things will change?

[BuffetMormon]

I am going to ditto what “nibbler” said. I want you in the church, too.

I was very disappointed in the recent change to the bishop’s handbook. While I did not think the church would perform gay marriages, I did not think they would do this (and to their children)!

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I love you and I know Heavenly Father loves you. Despite what the church leaders have done, please try to remember that the Gospel is true. I am going through a period now where I love and believe the Gospel, but dislike the church. Try to separate the two.

We are here for you!

[BuffetMormon]

Thanks again you awesome people! I am so glad I found this place. I like wearing the garments, most of the time. But over the summer, we went to Disney World where it was 95 degrees and 100% humidity. The first day, my garments were drenched. It was awful. The rest of the days, I wore regular underwear to the parks and it was soooooooo much better.

I don’t care what others think, but I do care about what God wants me to do.

[BuffetMormon]

WOW! You people are awesome!

Yes, I am on their radar as their little project. Most of the time, I do not mind. The missionaries call every Sunday morning to see if I am coming to church. They also stop by at least once a week. I was fine with it until last week when they asked who I could invite to learn about the gospel. How do you approach someone when you feel the way I do……. “Hi. Want to come to my church where you will be tortured on Sunday for 3 hours and they will ask all kinds of ridiculous things of you that you could never accomplish (FHE, genealogy, a calling, temple attendance, service projects, cleaning the church building at 7am on a Saturday morning, feeding the missionaries, getting your kids to Seminary at an ungodly hour EVERY FREAKING morning)?”

I like your advice (not saying “tortured” even though I really want to say it, give little details, etc). BUT…. how are things ever going to change? I think if more members voiced their disagreement, things would change. I am probably optimistic on that, but I do not think we should suffer in silence…..and I feel I am suffering by the unrealistic expectations of church leaders.

I am so glad I found this forum!!!!!

[BuffetMormon]

I agree with LookingHard…… don’t let guilt be the reason to accept the calling. It will not be good for you or the kids in the long run.

[BuffetMormon]

Thank you everyone. I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

I made the decision just to attend sacrament (at least for now- maybe will attend other meetings in the future) and Sunday was actually nice for the first time. I looked forward to going to church knowing I did not have to sit there in agony for 3 hours. I listened more in sacrament, didn’t pull out my phone. For the first time, I liked it.

I still don’t know why the church has to torture us. Something I am still struggling with.

[BuffetMormon]

Hi. I am female and divorced. My ex follows the rules without thinking.

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