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Several years ago I started thinking of Patriarchal Blessings as a set of goals rather than some things that were going to happen over the course of life. If you examine the blessing as things you CAN do if you WANT, rather than things that will happen TO you, it kind of makes more sense. This isn’t to say that I don’t believe these can be inspired blessings. I think they can be. I’m also pretty sure that blessings might be more patriarch specific than individual specific. What I mean is that there may be more commonalities between patriarchs than we’d like to think.
Although I’m not a stake patriarch, and even though I need to hang at StayLDS.com just to stay sane, I’ve sometimes felt I could possibly handle such a high level calling as patriarch (but no other high level calling). For some strange reason that I still cannot completely figure out, I have been able to give blessings very easily and words often come into my mind quickly and smoothly when I give blessings. I have given many blessings over the years and it’s usually seemed pretty easy and almost effortless, whereas I’ve stunk at many other “spiritual gifts” or things. Does that mean that this is a talent or gift I have? Maybe. Does it mean that I’m just a little nuts? Maybe. Does it mean I can think on my feet and BS a little bit? Dang, I hope not, but maybe.
I think if I were a Stake Patriarch, I’d have trouble with the lineage part. I know I would be tempted to utter something like, “Tribe of Phyllis” or something odd like that. I don’t think I’ll need to worry about ever receiving such a calling, though, since my Pat Blessing doesn’t mention it… ha.
Ah, porn is one of my favorite topics. I have studied it quite a bit and have given talks and have lots of thoughts about it. Too much to discuss here. But, I will say that based on my research, Ray’s experiences are probably on the fringe or outside the normal range. What I mean is that there is little evidence that porn LEADS to or CAUSES such atrocities as he described earlier. That being said, porn still typically accompanies such atrocities, so there is certainly a correlation. Exposure to child porn does not make normal neurological people more apt to abuse children (it usually just makes them sick). But, child abusers typically are involved with child porn. Similarly, violent porn does not lead to increased violent sexual behavior in normal people (people with intact neurology). Interestingly, in societies that have relaxed porn laws, violent sexual behavior such as rape actually decreases, which has led some to speculate a possible causation in the opposite direction.
Still, frequent and regular porn exposure certainly affects sexual expectations, can affect sexual development, and can influence sexual behavior (just no evidence that it directly causes sexual crimes).
Confounding the research is the fact that porn is also very hard to operationally define, which is another problem that’s been discussed on this thread. What is porn, really? It kind of depends on who you are or who you ask. I know people who think that the Victoria’s Secret catalog is porn. I have also seen a photo of a completely naked woman in a BYU art show ON the BYU campus and had LDS people explain to me how nude art is not porn in any sense of the word. I don’t even know if I know what porn is… confusing. When asked, I just say that “porn” is “short for pornography”. That’s the best definition I can think of. What is pornography? The long way to say “porn”. There you go. Maybe you need a pornograph to really find out for sure.
Porn for LDS men is also very interesting. I think some church leaders misunderstand the problem for the most part and focus on the wrong thing. I believe porn for most married men, especially LDS men, is primarily a symptom of poor marital intimacy. Address and fix the intimacy issues and the porn often goes away. I think it can be very dangerous to demonize the desire, especially for younger men. I also worry about the youth, with the current ready access to porn, which will likely influence their sexual development… and all we as a church do about it is say “no no no, bad bad bad, stay away!!” We need much better sexual instruction and discussion of sexual development within the church. Easier said than done, but there are researchers working on these issues and some very good books already out there. However we address it, sex and porn is certainly more available than it was decades ago when many of us were growing up. Will this create a bunch of depraved sex monsters? Probably not. Will it make it tougher for our youth to have good sexual relationships with their future spouses? Maybe, but maybe not. The jury is still out. If we play the cards right it might even help them have better sexual relationships. Shoot, most of ours kind of suck anyway, right? We want better for our kids.
Eye candy. Amazing effects. Predictable, tired plot. Poor character development. Really long movie to have characters so poorly developed. Dumb, uninspired dialogue. Interesting concept of the Avatar, and great special effects, but not worth the hype in my opinion. But, I’m a tough sell with movies. A friend of mine once bragged that his Home Teachers were the best because they came on the first day of the month, never failing. I countered that MY home teachers were better because they always came on the day BEFORE.
I also hate the idea of “getting your home teaching DONE”.
When I’ve been assigned to talk about HT, I try to encourage a small paradigm shift to simply think of Home Teaching as a process not an event. It’s not something you get DONE, it’s something you’re involved with. That seems to help.
Thanks for Tea 101 and 102, Brian. I learned a couple of things. I also love tea and have consumed herbal tea for years. When Green Tea became more popular or available, I considered whether or not this was within the WofW bounds or beyond it. Was it good for me, or not? So, I researched it. My conclusion was that Green Tea is neither as wonderful as proponents would claim, nor as terrible as opponents would argue. I also concluded that the caffeine content was sometimes difficult to ascertain, but that is was relatively comparable to some sodas. I decided it was okay for me, and felt good about my decision.
Personally, I usually like herbal teas better, but do enjoy green tea as well. No tea beats good water, but that’s just my opinion.
I think the general concensus in my neck of the woods is that Green Tea is against the WofW. A friend of mine asked my opinion and I gave it (similar to what I wrote above), but then also asked a member of Stake Presidency who said it’s against the WofW. The friend then asked me what I thought. I told him that I thought he asked two too many questions.
While I never met him personally, I knew much about President Kimball and knew/know some of those that did know him personally. The reason for the second baptism, as I was told, was that his family decided that the person who performed the baptism should probably be in the water as well. His father couldn’t fit in the bathtub with Spencer, so they went across the street to an irrigation ditch (now called Union Canal) and did it again. From what I can remember, it seems like it was a month or two later, not very long.
Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, WofW was certainly perceived by myself and peers to be on par with the law of chastity, if not more important than everything about the law of chastity other than “going all the way”. This is why the following joke is funny:
You know how you can tell if the girl you’re with is Mormon? When you open a beer, she’ll put her shirt back on.
Another similar joke:
Always bring two Mormons with you on a fishing trip so they won’t drink your beer.
I had always thought, or assumed, that church growth was inevitable and that declining church membership (by number) wasn’t a huge concern for church leaders. After a conversation with a general authority, however, I realized clearly that the church leaders are very concerned with stagnant growth in the years to come. Specifically, this leader talked about the decrease in the number of available missionaries as a result of the “raising of the bar” as well as fewer youth available because members are having fewer children. I got the impression that these were serious concerns for the “brethren”. Despite the church’s reported or apparent attempts to baptize fewer or less quickly, I sure have not observed that ideal among the missionaries I’ve talked to recently. As anyone that has been in the church a while realizes, the decision to baptize or wait (for an investigator adult) falls on the shoulders of a district leader missionary, rather than a local leader or bishop or anything. Missionaries are, by nature and training, usually exuberant, and will baptize more often than wait. These missionaries WANT to be involved in the conversion process, so it’s important to them to get the investigator in the water. So, despite the church’s reported efforts otherwise, I haven’t really seen a big difference in this process and think too much is left to the discretion of one young man. Missionaries with presidents focusing a lot on output or performance are usually even more eager than average to baptize early and often.
Wow, sad to hear that your bishop felt your non-member husband should pay tithe for you to get a temple recommend. That’s crazy. I would say, just decide between you and your spouse what would constitute a fair tithe for you. If you’re not employed, a fair tithe might be zero. Next time you’re asked the question, answer that you are a full tithe payer (assuming you work it out with spouse). Part-tithe gets no recommend, but full tithe can. However, bishop doesn’t need to know the details on how you and spouse arrived on the full-tithe. You indicated that your husband resents money you give to the church. If you are not bringing in money, I would think that titing for you would be zero (though that is for you to decide). If you have a job bringing in money, you could probably either contribute ten percent of that increase or (if you are the primary breadwinner) figure out with spouse what portion might be equated to YOUR increase and contribute based on that amount. Interestingly, anyone can pay their tithing directly to church headquarters without going through the wards. Fast offerings and local missionary funds cannot be paid this way, though. Many members choose this option so others in the ward (clerks, bishops, counselors) don’t know how much they make. You receive a year-end statement from the church and just declare to the bishop your tithing status. Bishop doesn’t have to know how MUCH you paid. I’ve recently started paying tithing in this manner. This method is actually easier on your ward financial clerk and bishop counselors, since that’s one less contribution they have to count each week (or month or quarter or whenever you pay tithing). I still pay fast offerings the normal way, however, so funds stay local.
I think your bishop might be inexperienced, particularly in dealing with part-member families. I would also agree with others suggesting you contact someone besides bishop to request visiting teachers or home teachers or whatever contact you’d like to have. Telling the bishop usually works in most places, sorry to hear that your bishop seems to be dropping the ball in a number of areas. You probably have VT and HTs assigned, but they just are not coming. It’s hard for many people to stretch beyond their comfort zone and initiate contact with people they don’t know, or don’t see regularly at church. My guess is that there are great people in your ward somewhere who would love to help if they knew about it, but the messages just aren’t getting to the right people. Usually, it’s the STPs that do all the good work in any ward and sometimes the bishop is not one of the STPs. (STP = Same Ten People… the ones that do everything… ha).
I agree. This was the very best GC talk I’ve heard in a long time. Some of my family missed it as it was the first talk in the am session, so this evening I had everyone watch it again. Uchtdorf’s talk in the Sat priesthood session was also very good. Bridget, you might also consider that maybe this new ward in Florida will be the perfect ward for you and your family. You heard second or third hand that the ward struggles with testimonies. Maybe that means there are people there who are more like you and that you might find some new good friends. On the other hand, transient wards aren’t usually a lot of fun. Easy to hide in them, though.
I apologize if this has already been mentioned (didn’t see it, but might have missed it). Remember that the Prophet, seer, and revelator question is not one asking if you believe they walk and talk with God, but simply if you SUSTAIN them.
As in, “Do you sustain the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS as the prophet, seer, and revelator, and as the only person on earth who is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys?”
Your definition of “prophet” may differ from someone else’s. In that question, you are just indicating that you sustain him as such. The question goes on asking if you also sustain the 12 as prophets. Finally, you’re asked if you sustain the other general authorities and local authorities of the church; unlike the earlier question, you’re not asked to what you sustain them as, so the assumption is that you just agree that they are your church leaders, which sort of means the word “sustain” might have different meanings within the context of one recommend question.
Baby blessings can be done anywhere. For the blessing to be recorded and “counted” (or, given a certificate from the ward clerk), it must be authorized by the Bishop. The bishop or a counselor usually will attend, though I don’t remember whether or not this is mandatory. I’ve participated in and blessed babies in homes. I personally think these have been rather spiritual events. A baby blessing certainly does not have to be done at Sacrament meeting to be “counted” and recorded. Based on my experience, I think the decision of WHERE to bless the baby, if parents want to do it, probably relates to how integrated the parents feel in their particular ward.
This is an interesting question. Scotty, I think fortune or God or someone or something smiled on you in the form of GF’s old high school friend. First, if you are accurate in the retelling of the incident, your GF did NOT answer your question, (“Why did you want me to read that?”). If she really didn’t answer the question, WHY didn’t she answer the question?
One possibility is that she’s been concerned about your TBM status or committment to the church, since you’ve probably already said some things that make her wonder, and showing you the blog post may have been designed to gauge your reaction or show you how silly it is to question or wonder. However, if that was the case, she sure didn’t give you much of a chance to express opinions and slamed that door pretty certainly. So, if she does suspect and is concerned, she really doesn’t want to know the answer. If that’s the case, she might not be the girl you’d be happy with for years on end.
Another possibility as to why she didn’t answer the question is that she has the same or similar concerns as her old HS friend and wanted some reassurance from you that all is okay in the world. If that’s the case, she obviously didn’t give you time to answer at that moment, but would probably be receptive to an open and honest conversation.
Finally, maybe she really didn’t have a clear reason of sharing the friend’s post with you, other than you’re her BF and you two share stuff like friends do. If that’s the case, thank heaven for an opportunity to discuss these things.
I think, whatever the answer to your unanswered question, you now have a better opportunity to discuss some things that you really want to discuss with her. I agree with most everyone that it’s not a good idea to dump all the questionable church history on her lap at once, but I also feel that it’s a terrible idea to go into a marriage with doubts about who your partner is. Obviously, no one knows for sure, going into marriage, whether or not it’s going to work out, whether or not you’re going to be deliriously happy, or whether or not you’re going to be very compatible for years on end, but what you want to be damned sure about is that you know who you are marrying and that you still WANT to do it.
I realize you’re not even engaged at this point, but there is an obvious possibility. If it does progress to that point, I think any pre-marriage counselor would tell you that you have to be honest with yourself and with her. Realize that your ideas and thoughts on this subject will likely still change somewhat as you continue to age… change is inevitable, as they say, though obviously expecting or waiting for someone else to change isn’t productive. Thanks to the old HS friend, the door to this discussion has been opened a little bit. If GF only slams that door when you attempt to talk about it, then I say, buddy, you’re a fool to marry her for more reasons than one (but hey, maybe she’s so wonderful in other ways it would still be worth it). If she’s open to conversation and will consider other opinions and respect yours, then you’ve got a keeper and would probably be a fool to let her go (though, she might let you go, and there’s nothing you can do about that).
You’ll have to talk about this and you know it. You obviously don’t want to hurt her, but avoiding the issue and continuing to develop the relationship toward marriage could potentially hurt her much worse later. I completely agree with others who have cautioned you not to try and “convert” her to your new way of thinking, or your “NOMism”. Just open up your heart and thoughts to her, like you’ve probably been doing as the relationship has developed. Sharing can be scary business because you might be out a GF the next day. But, it might also bring you closer than you’ve ever been before.
