[Daeruin]

I’m not sure I would do anything. I might just try to talk to them more often and try to get to know them better to see if I could become more confident about my guess. It would probably depend a lot on who it was, too. As an introvert, I don’t often feel the need for more friends than I already have. Talking with someone anonymously online about a specific subject is totally different than talking to them in person—to me, at least. Doing one doesn’t mean I’d enjoy doing the other, per se. Sounds like I might be in the minority that way.

[Daeruin]

I recently read an article about a church that’s not actually a church and I can’t remember anything about it … no names, places, dates, not where I saw it. Shoot. It was started by two comedians in England. Anybody know what I’m talking about?

[Daeruin]

That looks great! I definitely see myself using this. I keep thinking of quotes I read in that loooong quotes thread but then I give up in despair before even trying to find them.

[Daeruin]

Yeah, I think there must be an underlying reason why he doesn’t want to do it. If it’s because he doesn’t like people looking at him, that might be some kind of social anxiety. Or maybe it’s something else. Hopefully you can figure out exactly what’s bothering him at some point. Then you can try to resolve the concern or help him be at peace with his decisions, whatever you feel is best.

I have one really stubborn kid, too. I feel your pain.

[Daeruin]

DarkJedi wrote:

This is a large part of why I don’t have a Facebook account.

I have a Facebook account, but almost never share anything publicly. Only my friends get to see my posts.

[Daeruin]

You mentioned that when you try to get him to explain why he doesn’t want the priesthood, he stonewalls you. I’m willing to bet there’s some kind of anxiety going on behind the scenes, and he either can’t explain it or is nervous about the consequences of explaining it. Pushing him might be exactly the wrong thing to do. I would give him time and space, love him as much as possible and reassure him that you love him no matter what, and whatever issue he might have will hopefully rise to the surface. This is a tactic I frequently have to employ with my 6-year-old girl (I can’t wait until she’s a teen :shudder:).

[Daeruin]

Thanks for your perspective! I am working my way through it right now. I’m going to try to post some thoughts about it when I’m done.

[Daeruin]

I am in the process of applying for a job with the church right now. I wouldn’t want them reading about my faith crisis at all.

[Daeruin]

Thanks, Orson! Those books are now on The List.

[Daeruin]

opentofreedom wrote:

I am so glad to read how beautiful the situation turned out.

When I read your post explaining how you feel that you aren’t being totally authentic if you baptize your son. I am a woman, so I don’t have the priesthood or the added stress of ordinances or priesthood progression. (for the first time in my life I am grateful for this). But I did empathize with you that you fear the repercussions of having your children assume that you believed one way only to find out later that you didn’t. Personally, I am so glad that you baptized your son and it sounds like you are too. But how are you feeling about the other concerns?

I did learn so much by your situation, so I appreciate your being so open and taking the time to explain your thoughts and feelings and for everyone for responding.

I’m glad to hear that my situation has helped someone else. Thanks for letting me know.

I have had a couple of talks with my wife about my concerns with being authentic. I think she understand my concerns. It’s a hard line to walk, because on the one hand I don’t see very much harm, if any, with raising my kids in the church. I liked my upbringing, and in many ways I’m happy to be giving them the same thing. But it really disturbs me to think that my kids might go their entire lives not knowing some very important and basic things about who their dad really is. When my wife suggested that I could talk to the kids about my doubts and beliefs as they get older, I felt so relieved and happy. It just confirmed for me that I married the right woman.

So, as the kids get older and more able to understand the nuances of my beliefs, I’ll share more with them. I am also going to try implementing some of the other advice I’ve heard on this board—letting the kids know when I disagree with someone at church and teaching them that it’s OK to disagree while still loving each other, teaching them to use their own minds, bringing up some of the church’s historical issues earlier than they might hear them otherwise, and generally trying to have a family culture that is stronger than church culture. I would hope that all those things will make it much easier for my kids to accept my doubts and beliefs when they get old enough to understand, while still giving them a chance to forge their own path. I have no idea if I’ll be able to pull it off, but I have more hope today than I did a few weeks ago, thanks to you all.

[Daeruin]

Ugh. This kind of shenanigan really, really gets my back up and is a surefire way to make me want to share the gospel even less. I like Curtis’s idea—go ahead and take the challenge, try to fulfill it in a way you can feel good about, and if you can’t find a way, report back respectfully that you didn’t find a meaningful opportunity.

[Daeruin]

Another idea I had is self-reliance. It’s important to me that my kids know how to take care of themselves as early as possible (taking into account physical, emotional, and social needs). There is no reason a ten-year-old shouldn’t know how to scrub a toilet, or a teenager shouldn’t know how to do their own laundry. I think self-reliance is one of the biggest builders of self respect and self esteem. I don’t know if you would count it as part of a system of ethics, but I think it’s important nonetheless.

Curtis wrote:

Do what is asked, unless you can explain why you shouldn’t do it.

I have a kid who would never do anything if this was a rule at our house! He’s very good at arguing and never runs out of arguments. We’d have to give him a time limit. 😆

[Daeruin]

I just read your first two posts and enjoyed them quite a bit. I appreciate what it takes to put yourself out there like that.

[Daeruin]

Those look like pretty good categories to me. Would you want to add personal health in there somewhere?

[Daeruin]

The missionaries finally came over. I didn’t have anything to worry about. They focused pretty much exclusively on my son. They’re coming back every week for a while to go through all the discussions.

There was one awesome moment where they used the analogy of the wall, with all of us on one side and Jesus and Heavenly Father on one side. You can’t go under it, over it, or around it. They asked, how can we know what Heavenly Father wants to tell us if there’s a wall? (I remember doing this on my mission.) My son said, “Well, you just pray and the Holy Ghost tells you.” I thought “Yes!” They paused for a second in surprise, and clarified that the Holy Ghost tells you things for just yourself, but the prophet stands on top of the wall and receives revelations meant for the whole church. I’m going to talk to him and make a few clarifications of my own.

[Author]

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