[ecuador95]

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I’m sorry to hear that you have gone through so much pain over this. It is not fun. What I want to say to you is that I believe your situation is not that different for many people, if not all humans, in this life. Yours is over same sex relationships. But others (including my own) are over different things. It’s confusion is what it is. I feel confused all the time as to the purpose of life, what is right and wrong. I think it is that confusion that drives these people we free-thinkers call “delusional” to cling to a religion and embrace it as all or nothing. Which is why we shouldn’t criticize them, because they are just as lost in life as we are and looking for answers to life’s tough questions. Every day of my life I must wake up and move forward not knowing the exact purpose of life or the answer to life’s deep questions. Life is a mystery. Even the prophets of old spoke of God as being mysterious. He’s a mystery because we are ignorant and don’t understand him. I believe you are just experiencing what we all experience as confusion over life. Unfortunately, there is no human on this planet that can tell you why you feel the sexual attraction to men. Not the prophet, not your bishop, not your parents. No one can tell you how you should behave, its up to you. But you are not alone in this struggle. All humans who think and rationalize and observe are just as confused as you are. I am baffled by the gospel and its doctrines. And I know that I will always be. So here are some keys that I’ve found out to dealing with this confusion.

1. Quit obsessing over it. Imagine obsessing over why you can’t over come the power of gravity. Question, yes, but obsession is unhealthy. How you should behave sexually is a question you will never have fully answered in this life. So quit worrying so much.

2. Find what brings you joy in life (that which is healthy) and stick with it. I love music. I love sports. I love passing those skills on to my kids. These are healthy distractions from the pain and toil of life.

3. Adhere to those things in the gospel that you KNOW are true. Whether or not there is a God, I know I need to take care of my loved ones and serve them. If the Mormon church is all wrong or all right that fact is set in stone and I will not deviate from it. Helping poor people and less fortunate IS right. Do it. Just because we are all lost doesn’t mean we don’t know anything.

I know you want some one to be right when they say flat out if you should act out and be gay or not. It will NEVER happen. I’m sorry to say that to you, but this is the reality of life. And not just for you. I have been told the family is the central unit in the eternities. I battle every day to keep my marriage together because sometimes to me it seems not worth the pain. This is my problem to which I have no answer, and I never will. Should I keep my marriage together or not? There are all kinds of people around me who think they know, and think they have answers but they do not. Only I can make that decision for myself. Best of luck to you. I hope you read this and take to heart some of the things I have learned to cope with my confusion over life.

God Bless.

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