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It appears that your ward took the typical approach to something we are counseled to avoid–they played the guilt card. That isn’t to say it won’t work, guilt can be a powerful motivator. As a parent of 5 children and a former child myself 😆 , I don’t think that my son or daughter want to talk to me about sexting or porn, no matter how good the relationship is. I had a wonderful relationship with my parents and I would never have talked to them about that.I think the best we can do is to tell them of the damage that can be done by habitually viewing pornography or by sexting with other people. Real life examples can hit home, such as the couple who divorced because of the husband’s porn addition, or the heartbreak that comes from a sexual relationship ending in a pregnancy or a breakup. I agree with SD that I don’t want to raise my grandkids, and I was always upfront about that with my children.
Our 5th Sunday was spent on the LDS.org site and other church sites with all it has to offer. They encouraged all of us to spend time there on the sabbath and partake of the good and uplifting things there. That is quite a contrast from yours SBR.
I tell my kids that their texts are not private, nor is their browsing history. I can look at them at any time. Hoepfully that knowledge will help. I also tell them to use me as an excuse. If a friend wants them to do something they know is wrong, tell them if I find out I will “kill” them (obviously not literally).
I agree that preaching fire and brimstone will do little to deter our children or the adults from partaking in lustful activities, but love, attention, and knowing what your kids are doing and who their friends are will go much farther. As for spouses, I can’t help there. I am a “victim” of a porn addicted priesthood holder and I went through a torturous divorce because of it. That is the greatest deterrent for my children there could ever be. Why? Because I told them why the divorce happened. I don’t think they would wish that misery on anyone.
1gentlespirit I understand somewhat of your situation. I was sealed to someone, although it was cancelled, and I was married to a non-member who was literally the love of my life. I was widowed after 5 years and remarried a member and was sealed to him. To be very honest, I want to be sealed to my 2nd husband but cannot in this life. I have instructed one of my children that after I have passed, I want them to make sure that sealing is performed. You see, if I am dead I may be sealed to all the husbands I was legally married to, and not knowing how everything will turn out, I am not taking any chances
That being said, when you return to the temple should you choose to do so, you will be going through for another person and not for yourself. Your covenants have already been made. Don’t focus on who you are supposed to “hearken” to, hearken to God. I think that is the safest path in any case. I have determined for myself that I too will hearken to God, and let the chips fall where they may.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the comments and advice. They have helped me feel much more calm. I have taken a couple days to reply to you all because I have literally read the responses at least three times and let it sink in. Mom3 wrote:
Quote:One other idea you may take is make a list of what you like about membership in the church. If you find positives consider those as your focus.
That was very helpful as I have always been a list person. I have talked around the edges of this with my daughter, but don’t want to go into much detail because I don’t want to fuel her doubts. I keep telling her that whatever issues I have with the church, I am grateful I raised my children in the gospel because it gave them all a secure foundation and a feeling of stability. I love my Heavenly Father and know He loves me.
I agree wholeheartedly with West who said:
Quote:I determined that I was OK staying LDS. It just means I have to keep my mouth shut a lot more than I normally do, because I also determined that no one else would start doubting because of me.
This is exactly why I don’t want to say too much to my adult children.
Roadrunner, I have never thought of this:
Quote:I’ve accepted the LDS church as my tribe that does a lot of good things that I love and support.
I like that, and never thought of them as my tribe
DarkJedi, I have been feeling this more and more lately:
Quote:Try to separate the church and the gospel. That is a hard task, and it’s not totally possible – but they are two distinct entities (which happen to be intertwined). The gospel, however, does live independent of the church and the reverse is not so
.
And Nibbler, what you said is powerful, and deep:
Quote:the gospel was true before Joseph Smith translated the plates. The gospel was true before Joseph Smith was even born.
Although I admit that today I am not sure that JS ever did translate the plates, if the gospel is true, it has always been true no matter who is involved in the restoration.
As for the Patheos link, that was excellent:
Quote:being a purist can mean missing out on a lot.
The link is here
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peculiarpeople/2014/11/toxic-religion-the-parable-of-the-pan/#ixzz3JUYrqI8H ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.patheos.com/blogs/peculiarpeople/2014/11/toxic-religion-the-parable-of-the-pan/#ixzz3JUYrqI8H If I had ever considered being a purist, that thought is long gone. I will continue to struggle, I am sure, but I know enough from all I have read here not to talk about it to my priesthood leaders. I doubt I can even discuss it with my DH, who thinks JS walks on water. In fact, I doubt I will ever sing Praise to the Man ever again. I agree there has been far too much “prophet worship” and there should be more worship of the Father and the Savior. I will continue to read your links and search past threads. I too have so enjoyed the responses. Thank you all for taking your time to offer me advice and comfort, I needed it and I am so very grateful.
Quote:. To keep myself calm I just scribbled Just Say No over and over again on my program. Thank heavens they give you paper for Sacrament Meeting.
Mom3′ we need a like button
😆 Mom3 you have no idea how important this board is to me. I am so grateful for those who post openly and often. I am new to this and I am not sure exactly where my faith lies on the crisis spectrum, but as I read posts from people like you it helps me. I am very chatty in person, but I have never spoken aloud of my doubts. I am still uncomfortable giving voice to many of the things that go through my head. Please keep posting and as I get to the point that I understand myself a little better I too will join in. I promise. 🙂 Quote:Can a homosexual who says he or she is living the law of chastity, even though they may not have in the past, be baptized?
I don’t know why they wouldn’t be able to be baptized. Do they ask if you have SSA in the baptismal questions? There are many, many people who have not lived the law of chastity in the past and then they change their behavior and are baptized. (Okay, there are probably some who don’t change their behavior and are baptized). Not to mention the numbers of couples who are living together and then get married just so they can get baptized.If a person has not been raised LDS, I don’t really see the draw to a religion that says they can be who they are if they don’t act on it physically. I haven’t heard of many gays or lesbians knocking down the doors asking to hear the discussions. But I have been known to be wrong on more than one occasion.
We’ll Nibbler, I guess you found the answer. I never thought of the abortion comparison, but it was an appropriate one before you found the link. Thank you for clarifying. I think perhaps they may also tweak the verbiage in the endowment also. A simple change to man and woman from husband and wife would clarify it in all situations.
