[falcosp]

Thanks for all the replies. There are a few things that really resonate with me.

clahcrah wrote:

If you have read my post in “support” under “unofficially excommunicated” you will know where I am. I am questioning everything. I don’t even know if I believe in God. All I know is I hope and pray to a God I don’t even know exists anymore that he does and I will get my testimony back. I stay because I want my testimony back.

I too, feel this–the desire to gain my testimony back, but in my heart I believe it is a vain hope. I just long for the peace that came with “knowing.” But in reality, I would rather know it was all a sham after all. Right now I consider myself an agnostic with atheist leanings!

cwald wrote:

I’m not real sure why I stay to be honest. Sometimes it really sucks. I guess right now I stay because the “spirits” tell me to remain until further notice.

I love the honesty here. I think right now staying does suck for me and it is nauseating to go to church. While I have a ward family and I know I could call on them for help at any time, the help would come because I am LDS, not because any of them are my friends. I have never really enjoyed attending my ward, but did so since it was the righteous thing to do. Now I am struggling to find a reason to go. I go for my DH, but I get mad sitting and listening to what I now consider to be hot air at best and crap at worst!

Brian Johnston wrote:

Hi Falcosp,

falcosp wrote:

but I no longer agree with almost every point of doctrine and teaching of which I used to have such a strong testimony.

This statement jumped out at me.

Did you have a testimony of faith, repentance (making your life better, not some horrible doomsday guilt thing), baptism and following the Spirit (your conscience, free-agency, personal revelation)? What about the teachings of “families are forever” and positive community environment? How about serving those who are in need and are downtrodden, and showing compassion like the Savior? Teachings of universal salvation for all humankind, and universal relation and connection with all humans regardless of nation (we are all brothers and sisters)? How about the freedom from creeds, and the spirit of exploring God through study and personal revelation?

So what teachings do you disagree so strongly with?

You make a good point. Thank you! BUT, I want to run out of the chapel when we get talks on how important family history work is, how every member sb a missionary to bring others to the “true” gospel, how important it is to pay tithing AND a generous fast offering, how the temple is being so underutilized and we need to ramp up our attendance and make sacrifices to go, how important it is to read the BoM every day!

If we could teach the general points of service, kindness, and love for mankind, if we truly accepted all worshipers as they come, it would be easier. But, a sister who comes dressed in a pant-suit was told it was not Sunday appropriate, an investigator who smelled like cigarette smoke was shunned, and I take constant flak for my own son’s long hair since it is not to church standards–and he is only 4yo! The pressure to conform is huge, and I don’t want my children to suffer because of it! Or me either!

I have been in many ward councils where I felt all that was accomplished was gossip and slander with a scripture and a prayer thrown in for good measure. The well being of investigators and members is supposed to be important, but it always felt like it was an assignment no one wanted to bother with unless specifically asked to help. It is so much easier to speculate on what sin caused Brother So-and-So to stop coming than to find a way to let him know that we loved him regardless of his attendance. All we wanted was to have him back, and if that wasn’t going to happen, why waste time on him when we could get our numbers up by focusing on someone else?

While I don’t believe that Christ as preached in Christianity is our Savior, I do think we attribute to him many qualities worthy of emulation. If we focused more on those and less on living the “standards,” if we focused more on loving and less on “saving ordinances” I would feel more comfortable. But right now there is a torrent of anger, confusion, sadness, and loss in my heart that is making staying LDS a very hard thing. I hope it gets easier.

Thanks for letting me get some things off my chest!

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