[ferfun]

It is extrremely lonely….. add being a widow on top of that…..thank you for your caring words.

Mike asked me to explain this if I felt comfortable:

“We have had some heavy challenges in our ward ‘family’ which have made forgiveness really

a hard challenge for me. I have prayed and prayed and worked on forgiving. Our ward really

suffers with need of much healing and I consider my part in this is to keep seeking forgiveness

for those that have harmed me/my loved ones in the ward, especially among the priesthood

leaders.”

I don’t explain things as well in written form as in conversation…….I think all of the details don’t

matter as much as it matters that I am now seeking the ability from Heavenly Father to forgive

what has happened. Also, I live in a heavily lds populated area. This is not nearly all….but will help

you get the gist:

We found out my son has a form of autism, and when I went seeking some emotional support, I was told

by leader (in his words): ‘he’s (meaning my young adult son) just being stubborn’…….’I want proof’. A

few months later when I had more proof (same diagnosis as the first one, at a cost of $500), I called him

to tell him and he yelled at me, then hung up on me…..I sat there puzzled at his anger. I’m not a ‘sassy’

person, I was calling him to let him know I had further proof.

I was told when seeking his counsel/comfort considering my son going inactive: ‘well, what do you want

me to do, go visit him?’ which would have been kind on his part to just reach out, but I had not asked

him to do so, nor was that even on my mind…..his comment came out of the blue. As a widow, I felt need for

support and kindness. NO leader, and I mean NONE has come to visit my son in the now 3 years that he’s

been inactive, their loss for sure……he might be inactive but he’s still a human being. As I understand, this

‘view’ of my son was passed on to other leaders in their meetings, which may be why no one has come to

visit my son…..he’s just being stubborn afterall?????

Then they wanted to call him in to chastise him for not working a full time job, which he cannot do because

of his condition (but he has a part time job that pays good money so he is able to mostly support himself)……

thank the dear Lord on that one, as the one making appointments happens to know my son’s challenges

because him and his wife are my friends; so he came by to let me know what was brewing, and I told him

to just tell them no.

As mentioned, this is brief; plus there are a few others that have come to me to share their challenges;

as I’m a good listener. My deeply hurt feelings and the feeling of being ‘alone’ went on to anger/bitterness

even in the midst of striving to be forgiving; which is where I caused myself to get on the wrong road. I did

eventually go to a higher leader and he apologized for the priesthood; then said he wanted to come meet my

son and get to know him, but he never has come over. Also, it might help you to understand that I am not one

to ‘stand up’ for myself….if a leader tells me something, I usually tend to think they must be right.

Our ward has a ‘social order’/groups…..which I am not a part of…….I am more the type of person that seeks

to like everyone.

As previously mentioned and our ward is not alone, the pornography problem is taking a huge toll on

the spirituality in our ward, and on the love…..which is waxing cold and colder. Signs of the times fer

sure. Much healing needed.

The best lesson in this for me is: that no matter the reality and pain of harms done, it is our duty to take it to

Heavenly Father and not allow it to lead us away onto ‘broad roads’. It is our duty to put the problems into the

Hands of Christ and have trust and faith that He will take it from there. And my testimony that God saves

us/helps us even when we don’t know how much we need it.

Also, I have been working for years on being humble and stripping myself of pride……still a long ways to go.

[ferfun]

I grew up learning about Christ from my Mother, and also at church and primary…especially the songs. When a teen, I remember praying when I was very very afraid one night, and I felt Christ in my room just sitting by me, giving me comfort and peace. As an adult and struggling: that’s when He became even more real for me. Even with His help, I was so lost emotionally and mentally from being emotionally and sexually abused in childhood, it took many years to develop a truly workable and lasting faith in Christ. On the surface I seem normal, all of this abuse had been done in secret and hidden and I was in huge denial. But that said, I can tell you He never left me……I left Him quite often with my disobedience and problems and pain. When pregnant with my second child, I felt this awful real evil trying to sit on my chest and suffocate me, every time it happened, only calling out to Heavenly Father in prayer would make it leave…..then that peaceful feeling of Christ being with me would prevail and calm me. Recently, I was given even more faith in Christ: after teaching gospel doctrine for a year (a calling I did not want because I felt several of the people in the ward didn’t care for me + the former bishop had been awful to me and my son and I was struggling to forgive, so how could I stand up there and teach them when I felt so unwanted? by the way, the former bishop has never come into my class, he goes to the other g.doc. class). The Spirit recently revealed to me that Heavenly Father put me in that calling because I was unknowingly on the road of apostasy and He was saving me from that road. I have spent the last few years seeking to humble myself at the promptings of the Spirit, having discovered that I used pride to cover the pain/denial of the abuse I’ve lived through. As I have pondered His sufferings, and allowed myself feel that some of His blood was spilt for me a huge sinner, I can hardly comprehend His love and charity. I am deeply grateful that His sufferings will take away huge ugly areas of my life. I hope with time to become “a true follower of Christ”.

[ferfun]

Personally, I think the millenium is already in the beginning stages.

The darkening of the world is right on track and hearts are failing.

But truth and light are readily available in every area of living/life.

[ferfun]

In pondering my relationship with God, I feel His wonderful love for me as his child.

I strive to serve Him and others, as He asks, and I often don’t do that like I truly wish.

But bottom line for me is feeling that He cares….this is of great comfort.

[Author]

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