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I just read your full account cwald, and I have no words. Is this really the church I belong to? btw… I took the day off from church yesterday, and it was wonderful!
doug wrote:I have a family member, though, who spends a lot of time worrying about how he appears to others and I know it’s often painful for him. I wish I had something to offer this person, but I can’t help thinking that in his case it’s a personality trait (Idealist) and that it’s just an inherent way of thinking.
hmmm…. I am an Idealist too (idealist/healer) I never thought of myself as someone who worried about appearances because I could care less about worldly views/materialism. But I have since realized that I care a lot whether or not I am viewed as a “good” person. I could spend the rest of my life dedicating myself to humanitarian causes, yet I know many people in my church and family would still look down on me because I was not living the gospel to their standards. This shouldn’t bother me so much, but it does. This kind of thinking is at the root of many of my current struggles.
Welcome Pickles! I love the way your mind works. I too subscribe to the theory that we create our own realities… both on a personal and at a global level. I look forward to more posts from you. By the way, have you seen the film…
What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole…so fascinating! Things I would like to stop… caring what others think about me. I know who I am, I know what I want, and yet my caring about how others view me is interfering with who I want to become. I have decided that I do need a sabbatical from the LDS church. At least 6 weeks or so. I need to figure out how to be there on my own terms, and to feel like I am there because it my own choice and desire to be there… AS ME!
I just hope s#!t doesn’t all hit the fan while I am trying to figure myself out!
cwald… you and jwald are my heroes. I am trying to find a way to remain a part of the church on my own terms but I am really struggling with wanting to be there right now. Just when I thought I was doing better I went to church last week and while sitting there I had a full on panic attack and had to go home. Sundays have been known to cause me anxiety, but this was a first. I had an overwhelming “trapped” feeling… that I will never be able to become who I was meant to be, as if my religion was holding me back, but I have to keep pretending in order to not lose my relationships with loved ones. I have decided that I am going to take a little sabbatical from church and see if I can figure out a way to return on my own terms, with my own beliefs. I really thought I was almost there, and have been better able to “march to my own beat”. Last Sunday was quite a setback.
Thank you for sharing your recent experiences, it gives me hope that I can find a way.
I just learned last week what this years Primary theme was and I was hoping the topic would come up. The problem is kids have a very b&w and literal view. Trying to explain differing shades of truth to a primary age child doesn’t always go over well. I will be following this thread.
cwald wrote:Oregon is a great place to live!
I love Oregon! I have had my eye on this property for two years now. I have even sent letters and spoken to the owner. DH and I will run the trout pond business Mar-Oct, then travel the world during the rainy cold season. The home needs some updating, but the property is paradise. Plus is has a guest home so you all can come visit! Anyhow… one can dream!
http://www.loopnet.com/Listing/15726846/52560-E-Sylvan-Dr-Sandy-OR/ Fatherof4husbandof1 wrote:Oh Flower, You may want to consider posting a for sale sign out in front of your house. Once your are an “Official” project like it appears you have been declaired, there is no turning back.
Not a bad idea! I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to convince my husband we should move out of state. I have never felt at home in Utah.
SilentDawning wrote:What’s your plan for Church now? What place does it have in your life? I’m just curious.
My kids attend most of the time, and my husband and I attend part time. (My DH doesn’t have the issues I do, he just doesn’t always like going) I currently don’t have a calling. Until recently I thought I had 2 callings! I thought was in charge of girls camp again, but I just found out they don’t need me. I was also the official primary substitute which I loved. I love the kids, and it was fun to be with a different class each week, plus it kept me out of RS and GD class. I use to sub about three times a month, but a few months ago they quit asking me all together. I am not sure why, I am sure I have done nothing that would concern anyone and keep me from teaching. It’s okay though… it’s wonderful to not have all the obligations. I have enjoyed taking a little sabbatical from church. It has been very nice as I have found sitting through church more difficult each week. Almost unbearable some weeks.
I remain somewhat involved. I volunteer to help whenever I can, which I don’t mind at all. For now I plan to continue to attend and associate with the church for the mere fact that I want to avoid the family drama that would occur if I were to not. Both of our families are entirely and completely TBM. As far as the future is concerned… I would like to stay involved just enough to be an advocate for others who struggle.
canadiangirl wrote:This parent business is a tricky balancing act. We have needs too but our kids are only small for a short time. Good luck with the balancing act.
Yes is is a balancing act. For one thing groups such as this help me to keep sane. (Hard to be a good mama when your not!) But on the other hand I spend way too much time on the computer. I am very involved with an online writers critique group (We recently wrote and published this poetry anthology…
http://www.amazon.com/Eyeball-My-Garden-Other-Spine-Tingling/dp/0761456554/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294620029&sr=1-1 Wouldn’t it be great if as a gay LDS you felt like you could still have a place in the church? I am reminded of something that I read in a letter written to BKP from the father of a gay son… Quote:I never thought I would say this, but as a father given the choice between (a) my son’s suicide, (b) his complete abandonment of the Church and embracing of the extreme gay culture with its emotionally debilitating and physically dangerous practice of anonymous casual sex, or (c) living in a committed, monogamous relationship for the rest of his life practicing the Gospel virtues of love, commitment, and fidelity we have taught in our home, I would have to pick the latter. The Church, however, is now doing all in its power to prevent that.
The entire letter can be found here. It is well written….
I LOVE teaching primary. (and I love the 7 year olds!) I have spent many years as a primary teacher, or in the presidency. I’ve done a lot of sharing times. Most of the years I took a very unorthodox approach and I have never had a problem about it with other leaders or parents. I actually always felt good knowing that these kids were getting these lessons from me vs. a hardcore TBM teacher. (I still have memories of coming home in tears from primary because I was taught that any bad treatment blacks received in this life was justified because they were less valiant spirits in heaven. I remember crying about it because I was worried that if any of the other kids knew this they would be mean to the black girl in my class at school.)
Skipping a class that you are uncomfortable teaching means that the kids will get that same lesson taught by someone with possibly a more black and white approach. I would rather be the one teaching the tough lessons. I have never had a problem with putting a softer spin on any lesson, and have never been called out for it.
Old-Timer wrote:My only note would be that the lack of emphasis on Christ you mentioned isn’t an issue at “The Church” level; it’s an issue in individual wards and branches, since the Branch Presidents and Bishops are the one who choose the topics for Sacrament Meeting.
agreed… But I also feel that Christ doesn’t seem to be the emphasis of our General Conferences these days either. He’s more of a side note. (IMO)
anyhow, I started that blog to I could express (and vent just a little) my deep thoughts. None of my friends or family know of its existence. I am hoping it will be therapeutic, but I want to have my words be meaningful and touching to any potential readers at the same time.
Whether of not you believe in the story surrounding Jesus birth, the ideals that Jesus stood for (regardless of his existence at all) are what is most important. Reflect on what the gospel and ministry of Christ mean to you personally in your life. Help someone in need – the quickest way to feel good, especially if one is feeling depressed.
Give yourself permission to take a year off from feeling like you have to feel all warm and Christmasy. It’s okay!
cwald wrote:Oh btw, in case you missed it, you have an assignment in SD’s Virtual ward. Lesson 11 IIRC?
http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2069http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2069” class=”bbcode_url”> Sweet!
