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I am new here and I really appreciate the chance to hear how other people really feel, and being able to accept my own feelings and perceptions. For me, so many questions wind up in personal prayer—“What do you recommend, Father, about this, right now?” I did not grow up trusting my own perceptions, feelings, and opinions—I felt like if I got an Answer to prayer, it was subject to what a Bishop said or what my spouse said–years in 12-step groups (ACA & CODA) taught me that Heavenly Father was OK with my running things by Him personally—like when it is said in Church: “We want every family to_______” yet that may not be priority for MY family and I didn’t know that if I’m listening to Leaders for my Answers. How do I serve today? How do I take care of myself today? Maybe I’m too tired for 3 meetings. Maybe it’s’ OK to enjoy my granddaughter instead of going to the temple. Maybe my mental health needs to avoid a harsh teacher or leader at church. One of my main themes about church
is that Leaders need to be taught how to be emotionally safe people. Safety was a 12-step theme and it’s easy to teach if you prioritize it. It can be emphasized in training, interviews, talks, articles, and every other place we are influenced. If an individual’s opinions can be considered harmful to the testimonies of others, how about a Bishop’s or Stake President’s shaming or controlling habits? Seeking personal Healing & Safety & Peace prioritizes my own prayers and decisions so differently—and I don’t seek to fill many of my needs in church settings where that’s not possible–like being heard and validated by sharing in a class setting at church!!!! thanks for sharing here!
I remember as a Youth attending the dedication of the Oakland Temple. Before that, it was a big deal for youth and adults to do a bus trip to the Los Angeles Temple, 6 or 7 hours away. I have found it important for myself to notice when I feel pushed and start to resent it. I agree that Temple attendance does not need to be one’s favorite thing! I value keeping my recommend current and going every few months. I could go more often however I enjoy other kinds of service more When I do go I get more out of doing Iniiatories and Sealings, where I’m involved with more individuals and it seems more real. I think it can be very discouraging to do something like Temple service or a missionary effort and then feel like I’m supposed to do so much more, and there is no pleasing God or anyone. I lived a long guilt trip as a missionary who was never baptizing “enough” and had to learn how to not go crazy under pressures that were not really inspired. It’s a challenge to run my life through personal prayer, yet I think it’s the only long-term solution. I’m new here an really appreciate hearing people be real. One of my biggest challenges in Church has been to NOT be able to acknowledge and affirm my own perceptions–like when our mission president and general authority seemed to be contradicting themselves!!! You only have so much time and energy!!
Great to get these reviews before actually seeing the talks! We enjoyed a granddaughter today–went out to brunch then a Farmer’s Market. Then a nap. Tonight I’ll go back and watch the highest-reviewed talks lst!! Interesting question–for me it’s because we have grandchildren now, and some are in LDS-active families and some are not. So I wonder how to address them all in some kind of a biography. My more obvious question is, who wlll want to read anything I write?? Regarding a question about same-sex attraction in a Stake-level pre-mission interview: that question is prompt possible followup to find out how the missionary is doing now. I heard it explained that a faithful member headed for a mission might be placed in a position of too much pressure or conflict if they are living 24-hrs with someone of the same gender. Outside of the mission they have more choice in their associations and how they handle situations. It’s not so much a “worthiness” question as an “appropriateness” question–“Is a mission a good idea?” I’m glad there is a place for discussion like this. I was baptized as a child in 1958 and have been frustrated by some of these situations. A few things have been helpful for me: Leaders have sometimes said that Truth is NOT the highest value—we do not seek and publicize truths that are meant to hurt or may weaken testimonies of new or waivering members. For example, it may not be wise to raise my hand in a class and talk about how many Apostles were excommunicated. That may not have a faith-promoting purpose. However, if the question come up by someone in class, a truthful answer needs to be given. My pet peeve is when someone–authorized or not–labels a member as having a critical attitude for asking or answering a question with uncomfortable truths involved. LDS historians were automatically in an awkward position because some LDS Leaders would say that there is no faith-promoting purpose in digging up “old stuff” which will likely present the Church in an unfavorable manner.
So—should some things be left alone? Yes, at least in certain situations. Should some uncomfortable histories be examined? Absolutely! Individuals make judgment calls.
I have seen and heard some of then labeled “rebellious” or whatever because, in their judgment, uncomfortable truths needed to be examined. In 1969 when there were questions about the LDS stance on birth control, a BYU professor studied General Authorities’ Family Group Sheets and found they had 4.1 children, while other researched showed that American women not using birth control were capable of bearing 13 children. Another professor labeled the researching professor as “rebellious” for sharing his info in classes as an answer to the question about birth control.
To me, the labeling and judging and resulting contention are the worst part of those controversies.
I think that many “facts” have been passed along in our Church history as well-intentioned. I don’t see any reason why they can’t be quietly fixed. Some are. However, I think Church leaders do not like highly publicized corrections in the context of taking shots at Leaders or the Church.
I like a forum like this that is meant to be constructive. MOST Church classes have at least one person in any class who will put down sincere questions or observations.That’s unfortunate yet many a good conversation I’ve had after class with someone who has made a comment like that, received a zinger, then needed a hug!!
