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Wow! Our fifth Sunday lesson came and went with nary a raised eyebrow. The lesson was given by our Ward MIssion Leader, a member of the Elders Quorum, our bishop and a young man in his mid twenties who has not gone on a mission (I think this was purposeful). The focus of our lesson was missionary work in the general sense with no statement about how missions are mandatory for young men. The youth met separately and as I no longer have children in that age group, I don’t know what they talked about. I’m constantly amazed at how different ward attack the same topic. I don’t know that attendance has changed all that much post Covid. There are a couple of families who regularly attended who do not (but whether that’s due to Covid or other things I don’t know). We had a LOT of new people move into the ward. Some lost their jobs and moved in with family. Some were leaving states with political climates they weren’t comfortable in. Some just wanted to come back to “Zion” ( this is southeastern Idaho I’m talking about by the way). In our ward, it’s pretty much business as usual. As for politics, there are plenty of arch conservatives in my ward but frankly few political issues get raised in our church meetings. I’m not sure why that is. It may have to do with one elderly gentleman whose comments are constantly punctuated with words like “Constitution” and “liberty” and “freedom.” He comes across as kind of a nut (though one on one he’s actually a very nice guy). I think this has made those with similar views sensitive to how they might sound in a church meeting. I feel for those whose wards have gone “right wing” in the wake of the political and “pandemical” things that have happened (in the USA) but thus far our ward has dodged that particular problem. I hope it remains that way.
A few years back, Jana Riess and Benjamin Knoll did a survey of LDS members regarding a number of issues. The quote below is regarding the Word of Wisdom:
Quote:Our survey also found that Mormons are not monolithic in how central they see Word of Wisdom observance to Mormon identity. Only 34% of U.S. Mormons, for instance, insist that abstaining from coffee and tea are “essential” to being a good Mormon. In contrast, 57% say that abstaining from alcohol is essential. It seems that while many Mormons might shrug their shoulders at a member of their congregation indulging in an occasional cappuccino, a weekend margarita would be met with much stronger disapproval.
Age matters here. There is a strong generational gap in perceptions of the Word of Wisdom and Mormon identity. Only 31% and 46% of Millennials say that abstention from coffee/tea or alcohol is essential to being a good Mormon, compared to 52% and 76% of Baby Boomers and members of the Silent Generation.
I think whatever is said in Church and whatever people say in public, private practice regarding the WOW probably varies widely and wildly. I know of a member who said the chocolate cake literally is “devil’s food” and refuses to eat it. Other members are okay having an expresso from time to time. When administration at BYU (in Provo) made the decision to allow caffeinated beverages on campus, administration at BYU (in Idaho) made the conscious decision to continue the caffeine ban on their campus. My uninformed guess is that the GAs know about all this variability and probably recognize it’s not necessarily the most important of all commandments but don’t want to risk alienating conservative members by loosening up the standards but also don’t want to alienate more progressive members with strong statements. So it’s a hill they don’t want to die on. My guess is that alcohol and tobacco (and related products) will always be forbidden but there will be a slow gradual evolution towards looking the other way when members drink coffee or tea. Maybe. We’ll see.
I’m a little late in responding to your original post but welcome all the same. I wanted to say that I also have a temple recommend and my “faith crisis” (for me it’s been an evolution of faith I guess) has been entirely internal and secret. To the outside world, I’m probably still the faithful member that I always was. My wife is the only one who has some inkling that things are not precisely as they were but it makes her so uncomfortable that I don’t discuss it much with her. I’m not planning on leaving the Church anyhow and I’m somewhat reserved and so keeping things to myself is fairly natural. In any event, this is definitely a safe space (in my experience) whatever your faith status may be. Again welcome. My father never changed a diaper (that I recall) and there were numerous children in our family. Because there were nine of us and my sister and I were the oldest, we often changed diapers. So when I started having my own kids, it was really no big deal. As I said to my wife, “I’ve been doing this for years.” I have a son-in-law who is very uncomfortable with tiny babies but he tries hard to do his part (which includes changing diapers). So I would agree that roles are changing. I remember a conference talk by Elder D. Todd Chrisofferson entitled “Let Us Be Men.” He told how his mother had some health problems that made ironing for their large family difficult. His father went out and bought an ironing machine to help her.
Quote:On the way home, my mother was upset: “How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?” Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. “Now when you iron,” he said, “you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.” She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, “There is a man.”
When I heard the talk, I remember saying to myself “Yes, there is a man….from the 1950s.” It’s not that it wasn’t kind of him to buy the machine and the sacrifice he made should not be dismissed. I’m sure he was a very hard-working man. But I doubt it would have even occurred to him to do some of the ironing himself (or get one of the five sons mentioned to help). Also one of the implications is that Elder Christofferson’s mother suffered with this for a year before they had the money to buy the machine. Now maybe it wasn’t practical to do that at that time but the story left me feeling just slightly uneasy. For me, it didn’t jive very well with our modern notion of fatherhood and manhood.
I like the people in my ward. I appreciate those who ask how I’m doing and how my children are doing. I appreciate those who come up to and say I did a good job on a talk or a lesson (even if I didn’t). I like ministering to my assigned family. They’re very good about really and truly contacting me WHEN they need help (there’s some medical issues there and so it does happen about once a month) and also just talking to them about how things are going. I like the hymns. I even like Sunday School and Priesthood (sometimes…depends on instructor). Yeah, there’s some things that are said and that occur that I frankly could do without. I despise Stake meetings as I think they’re a waste of time but I enjoy the conviviality of my ward meetings. I know all wards are not the same (the ward I lived in previously I would most definitely NOT have described as I did my current ward). But I appreciate that there are good people who want to do good things. So I go every Sunday and am not bothered by it. But I also respect those who choose a different way. So this is just me. I’ve only been mildly interested in genealogy but I appreciate knowing a little bit about where I came from. I currently have only two grandchildren and while I expect to have a couple more I doubt I’ll ever be taking one of those multi generational photos filled with people. But still to be able to know where you came from can be compelling but most of these people are just names to me. Like Cadence said, most of us will pass away unnoticed. But while I’m here I hope I can illuminate my tiny corner of existence as much as possible. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this. It sounds like a very difficult life. A child losing a parent alone is difficult enough but you’ve had more piled on. Therapy ( which has been mentioned) is a good option to try to work through some of your difficulties. I hope that’s a viable solution. Also know that I strongly believe that all people no matter what they’ve done or what’s been done to them have value. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Welcome, Matt! I hope you find something helpful here. I know I have. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote:I believe God neither blesses nor curses us in this life. Life is what it is. Sometimes things happen because of choices we make, sometimes it’s decisions other people make, and sometimes stuff just happens, “good” or “bad” (in other words, the sun shines and it rains on both the just and the unjust).
I kind of believe this while still believing in a God that intervenes. Every time I get the least little sick, my wife wants me to get a priesthood blessing. I generally resist. Whenever she’s getting frustrated with getting sick, SHE wants one which is hard as I don’t really think they make that much difference. That said, I was going in for some surgery that had me more nervous than I wanted to admit, I asked my dad and brother to give me a blessing. It’s probably the only time in my life that I ever asked for a blessing. I think it helped. Not because of some invocation from God but because I felt supported by my family members. As has been stated before, I think it’s not impossible to think of blessings as a formal, ceremonial way to say “whatever happens, we’re here for you.”
It’s the threefold (maybe fourfold) mission of the church. One of those “folds” is “Share the gospel.” Gospel sharing can be viewed benevolently as the desire to share happiness and good news with others. So it’s a kind of charitable act. It can also be viewed less benevolently as an opportunity for members to “show off” their dedication and parade those stories of their missionary successes to other members. It can be viewed cynically as an opportunity for the Church to get more revenue. I tend to believe that for the individual member, it’s more a combination of the first and second. A good friend of mine told me the story of how she helped her friend get baptized and it was totally from the best and kindests of places. This friend was also very cognizant of the fact that her baptized friend might fall away given some of the Church’s realities. My sister assisted in the conversion of an online friend whose life really did improve as a result of Church membership. This person was quite isolated from any kind of community and the sudden appearance of a readymade community was exactly what she needed. And yet, many, many, many get baptized and never return. I have felt for a long time that our missionary process could use an overhaul. Even while on my mission, I wished we implemented a “conversion” process rather than a “baptism” process. By the time I left my mission, I’m pretty sure the majority of people I helped baptize (I was down in Latin America) were not active anymore. But then if gospel sharing is JUST about saying “here’s the true Church, don’t join at your peril! Okay, we’ve done our part”, well, I guess we’re kind of good at that. Maybe. Anyway, missionary work is the least interesting aspect of the Church as far as I’m concerned. We have some lovely sister missionaries in our area now who are so earnest and kind and hard-working. I would never tell them that I believe that MOST of what they do is probably a waste of time. But I think it is. I don’t pray all that much anymore but I do find that listening to others’ sincere prayers does elevate me somewhat. I do pray in an abstract, meditative kind of way I guess but I wouldn’t say it’s all that ritualistic or common. But extending your thoughts to a power higher than your own (even if that power is something as vague and indistinct as “Life” or “Fate”) can be helpful to me. It reminds me that I am more than just myself and that I am part of a vast network of life that we might consider “God” if we want to think that way. Or if it helps to imagine an actual figure in its place, I think that can work, too. Just a side note: in the Church, we have always kind of thought ourselves superior because we believe in a God that is an exalted man…that this is more logical and helps form a greater connection. I thought this way, too. Then I Iistened to an interview with a Church of England minister who rejected the notion of a “bloody God” (meaning a God that has a body). He felt a greater connection to the God without “body, parts or passions”, a being radically different and more powerful than himself. Not saying that’s my own attitude but it does remind me that what SEEMS logical to me may only be because of my upbringing and traditions.
2011? I must be getting old as that doesn’t seem all that long ago. But some things are better. I applauded the combining of priesthood quorums into one quorum. The Elder/High Priest distinction simply doesn’t work well anymore. (I guess I got in just under the wire…I’d been made a High Priest right before the Big Change). I think the Church is trying to be a BIT more transparent about things. Though it would have been nice if the leaders had decided to do that on their own rather than kind of, sort of being forced to. I still feel that the leaders of the Church (and most members) have the best of intentions whatever the outcome may be. I know the end doesn’t justify the means but I still feel more at peace thinking about what is good in people rather than what is its opposite. That said, I don’t care much for the “erasure” of the word “Mormon.” It always seems a bit of a tempest in teapot sort of problem. And now we just don’t know what to call ourselves “LDS?” (I think we’re not supposed to use that either) “Latter-day Saints?” (Maybe) “Members of the Church of Christ” (It may be true but the term hasn’t percolated through society in a way that identifies it with out Church” 
Quote:BYU Idaho is a different animal all together, and everyone knows that people there are more righteous than their counterparts at BYU Provo. Thus, I would not be surprised campus police at BYU-I are charged with enforcing dress standards – but given the righteousness of students there they probably have little to do.
Having some familiarity with BYUI, I can assure you that campus security do NOT spend their time enforcing the dress and grooming standards (at least any more than any other staff or faculty do). And while I know that the last statement was said in jest but, unfortunately, BYUI is not free of things like assaults, vandalism, and theft. Would that it could be!
As for dress and grooming standards generally, I’m not particularly sympathetic to those who want to change them (though they are welcome to try). Personally, I don’t really care what you wear or how long your hair and beard are. However, such standards are not that unique. Many businesses and other organizations impose a dress standard of some sort so it’s not that unusual. Okay, it’s probably not as restrictive as the BYUs and certainly you’re not going to suffer the same degree of consequences for violating the standard. I think the main issue I have with these rules is that they encourage an outward compliance that may not mirror what is in “the heart.” In other words, as long as I shave, I’m a good person. A tempting outlook for some.
A lady in our ward declared loudly and defiantly in ward council that she would not be wearing a mask (and she never did throughout the entire time our ward was masked). I imagine she’s not vaccinated either. A colleague of my wife’s (a member of the LDS Church) had nothing but criticism for masks and social distancing…until his elderly relative died from Covid…and then he changed his tune. A friend of my wife’s was definitely vaccine-hesitant but then when President Nelson got vaccinated she decided it was okay for her to as well (which was good given that she was in her late 60’s and in poor health). I think the population of the Church at large has always been selective in following counsel from the Church HQ. Even a pandemic probably won’t change that.
