[girlygirl]

When I started questioning the church and my husband was taking missionary discussions before he got baptized we both agreed we would church hop so he could be sure this was the church he wanted to join. We went to the Lutheran church’s Christmas service. I bawled like a baby. I was over come by the spirit like I hadn’t in ages at the Mormon church. In my heart I thought, this is it, this is the TRUE church! However going to other churches I also felt stirred when people were testifying of Christ.. looking back I feel I can be overcome by tangible emotions. If someone is angry at me I feel it. If a room full of people I don’t know are singing fervent praises to a holy figure I can feel the emotions! In a way it makes me glad that our church doesn’t have a monopoly on “the spirit” and that other religions enjoy it too 🙂 , heck go to any Evangelical church and see people put up their hands while singing to feel the spirit.

[girlygirl]

Thanks for sharing your post, as I often struggled with not being an extrovert like yourself, and found church very draining even when I believed. I feel in social situations where I am forced to do things such as say prayers, talks, and the like it almost made me retrench even further into being quiet as it would peak my anxiety. Do you find you are like that in situations out of the church too? When I leaned on so much of my social network through church I almost felt like it destroyed my self worth in a way because my personality doesn’t thrive on say having to do a spontaneous prayer at an enrichment activity, it would make me want to run out of the room, and even worse when I was questioning, it felt fake which was even harder! Surprisingly enough, since focusing more on developing friendships and networking outside of the church when I tell people I am an introvert they look puzzled. Its almost like by being able to choose what social situations I’m getting myself into I’v been able to thrive and grow. I’m now on committees and groups I’v chosen to be apart of and have to do public speaking but because I’m interested and engaged in what I’m talking about and theres not strict “script” of what I am expecting to say exactly, I feel I have left that shell behind completely that I seemed to have at church. I was seriously questioning if my personality just didn’t click with people, when in fact it did, I just needed to go out and find them. I can’t help but feel others who are the same at church either stop going or leave after sacrament meeting because they feel the same resulting in only outgoing members to make up most of the congregation.

[girlygirl]

I feel like I can relate with parts of your journey. I am sure your doubts and worries are justified with your family, but the best you can do is love them and be kind. If you get worried they are judging you and act cagey it’ll show! When I started to let stuff leak with my family I tried my best to hold my head high and show them I’m still ME and even better I’m growing into something new and better and they can accept that or they can be the weird awkward ones and thats on their shoulders! I know easier said then done but one thing that helped me remain positive was to stop obsessing over if church was true or false (I felt I was hitting a wall and just beating a dead horse) and started filling those times of mulling over church stuff with filling it with other things in my life that would bring balance and make me happy and healthy. I got into nature hikes more, took up some new exciting classes I’v never tried, did some self care things for me away from church. At first it felt like a chore because I needed to figure out if the church was TRUE FIRST! but soon it became inspiring. I just felt so bogged down with trying to figure out how people precieved me, and how I precieved the church, and I just needed a break. I know life has many distractions but I guess what I am trying to say is along the journey make sure to put yourself first and keep your happyness in check! This road is a long one, so do things along the way to enjoy the ride!

[girlygirl]

Funny you post this. I haven’t been to church in approximately 1 year. But I take my family to the local “baptist” church. I don’t know if this mega church is the same but the one we go to say they are just Christian and don’t fall under baptist, which confused me because the church is baptist! I guess the Mormon church just wants me to categorize things so much where other faiths don’t need to so much. I’v found it nice because as there isn’t the mandatory commitment as Morminism, they are always looking to be welcoming of anyone whether its a new visitor or family that comes only once a month. Its like because people know they won’t see you every week they make an extra effort to include you when you are there. My friend also goes with us to church, she asked me if I enjoy it so much would I consider joining to which I laughed and said I am done with committing to a religion but if they are happy for me to attend occasionally I’ll go. Maybe your daughter feels the same way? She can enjoy the community without taking the plunge? Unfortunately I found going to the Mormon church if my hair wasn’t curled up, ironed latest instyle clothes on and my “Sunday makeup” I just didn’t fit in with the ladies my age. Whereas at the baptist church some dudes are dressed in camo! My first time parking my butt down some lady beside me smelt like smoke and my inner Mormon just wanted to turn my nose up,but thinking it further I’m like ya thats awesome she’s here in the pew! It just seems people are accepted on the fact their showing up, not so much how you look or carry yourself. I can understand why your daughter appreciates that community more. Been there in young womans and in my case it felt like a popularity beauty contest. Did not enjoy. At least that was what I went through.

[girlygirl]

For me I got to a point where the one foot in one foot out just didn’t work, and eventually I realized the one foot out was making me happier and the one foot in felt fake, a chore, and made me uphappy, but I am glad it is an option and doable for alot of people! I am not angry over the church and like to talk to my family about their callings, hows church etc, its important for me to be friendly about the church, it is after all a big chunk of me, unfortunately it also was damaging, I truly did believe letting go of that safety would be a nightmare, but infact, its been quite the opposite. Iv always felt like an inferior in the church, but now I feel over the last year instead of trying to “make it work” I’v diverted my energies elsewhere and am getting some recognition and having alot of growth outside. Its been a very fulfilling journey!

[girlygirl]

Hi, it’s been since 2011 since iv initially posted so it does work as an introduction as well! Well with trying to simplify the last five years, in a nutshell I just wanted to try and get a condensed post out there that there is hope, and happyness or at least there has been for me, out of the mormon church. Five years ago I wouldn’t have dreamt I would become “inactive” and that I would still be civil with my family, gain strong friendships, and gain more fulfillment putting my time and energy into the community I live in rather then pouring my efforts exclusively into the church iv participated in. I feel I have had to go through a miserable amount of depression and anxiety over the “what ifs”, but at the end of the day, I now feel like I’m living the life I should have tried to live long ago.

[girlygirl]

Thanks for all the feedback, Iv been thinking about what is said and there was one comment that kind of made me see why this situation bothers me so much, the handgun comment.

My husband said he was first exposed to porn and struggled with it after he found magazines under his dads bed when he was really young. I think this situation just stirred up a whole lot of heartache with me because I feel it was completely irresponsible of his parents and now I feel like I’m seeing the same situation all over again.

Because I had to deal with the consequences it left a bad taste in my mouth, and the handgun comment really sums it up. I think why I got my back up so much was because It hits close to home with me and if only those magazines were contained years ago maybe things would have been easier (no Internet really back then).

Anyway Definately something I need to work through. Easier said then done.

[girlygirl]

Thanks again for all of the responses I really appreciate them all.. not really something I can talk to people other then my spouse so its really comforting to get different perspectives to something that literally gnaws at me from time to time.

I’v read all your comments over the last few days and theres so many I can’t reply to them all but I just wanted to respond to the last post from Heber13. I have for the most part been a pretty tolerant person even though I have had my own standards. Most of my friends are not members and most of them drink and smoke pot, and for the most part, I don’t see it causing any harm to themselves (unless your talking perhaps health wise) or others so unfortunately that parallel doesn’t work for me.

The problem is when you drink a glass of wine controlled even when nothing bad is coming from it the wine isn’t a victim. In the circumstance of porn the person you are viewing is very much so. Even if you are viewing it with your spouse and using it to spice up the bedroom there is some person out there who you are victimizing and treating as a object to get yourself off. I don’t believe it is right for people to be treated this way. I don’t support this. Even more so if you aren’t PAYING for something that was produced, again, you don’t know under what circumstances these pictures/videos came about. I think of a few years back where some girl was raped at a party in my area (she was given drugs), it was recorded, and put out on the internet. The police said this was a horrible act because not only is she a victim of the rape, but time and time again when this video is viewed and spread she is being victimized again.

So to say don’t judge someone for drinking wine, I can’t really compare that to someone pleasuring themselves over someone putting themselves in degrading and compromising positions. I should also add we are both younger in our twenties but these mags were of girls who seriously looked like they were 16.. It said they were 18 but imo just so wrong to see girls so young posing open eagle for the camera. It really makes me sad and angry 😳

To answer what someone asked earlier about having to deal with porn with my son, my thoughts now are the best I can do is try to not teach him that nudity is a bad thing (we are talking non sexual nudity here) to make the human body less taboo which would fuel his desire for porn, to be savvy to marketing and media (sex sells), and teach him to love and respect people and try to take the “us” versus “them” mentality away (I would never want the people around me I love and care for doing this but I’m fine staring at some stranger I don’t know!).Those are my thoughts so far, and hopefully they will evolve to something better.

I don’t think my relationship will change with this couple, its something private and I don’t know what the situation is to point a figure of blame nor do I want to. I think the initial shock just brought up a whole bunch of other emotions about other people in my life who just talk about porn or strip clubs like the girls/guys in it aren’t even people and I get upset that this attitude is just becoming the norm. THAT makes me angry and frustrated, and I think it just always fans up the same emotions.

Anyway I appreciate the feedback, if you have anything else for me keep the responses coming!

[girlygirl]

Thanks for the feedback. Its good to just hear some thoughts to work through. The thing is is exactly what people have already stated, I CAN write people off that don’t agree with me thus not having to ‘judge’, however, assuming pretty much everyone has seen/uses porn that really isn’t an option…

I guess what I am stuck gnawing on in my brain is I can almost do some mental gymnastics of feeling at peace with someone who perhaps is tempted but tries their best to pick themself up, dust them off and try to be better next time, versus someone who just consumes porn believing it to be the norm, that it isn’t hurting anyone… this just grates at me. I guess I just can’t seem to piece in my head that if you view it that you are a good person.

And sorry if this has been discussed so many times before. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. Its just something I can’t seem to wrap my head around as yet. This family really didn’t intentionally leave it out, they had it in a big pile of their stuff and I was checking out their books. I don’t think its concealed from the wife either so there probably isn’t any hurt feelings between the two.

I just get my back up so much over it. I wish I didn’t, even if I don’t agree with it. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, I wish it didn’t. Things just have evolved so much from a playboy magazine where you know the model is making a thought out decision to limitless internet pictures/videos where you dont know under what circumstances it was made, even how old the girls are or if they were even a willing participant (theres so many pics that could even be circulating around that was supposed to only go to a boyfriend etc.) I just hope I piece something together before my boys become teens so I’m not a phyco mom! :wtf:

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