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I am so sorry to hear about what must have been a very painful experience for you. I recently struggled in a confession with my bishop. I know the pain of facing others and confessing. I also know that by doing this shows you truly felt you needed to do so. You took steps towards forgiveness that you obviously felt were necessary. You made the choice and should feel good about your personal effort to do what you felt was best for you. Because in the end, isn’t this about your eternal and spiritual journey? I feel that the most important thing is to realize no one is perfect. Life is about learning. We all make mistakes and commit sins. I find the hardest thing to do is forgive myself. Don’t let life’s obstacles keep you down. No one has a right to judge you. If heaven/eternity was for the non-sinner it would be (almost) empty. Don’t forget Christ’s “Cast the first stone” lesson. Remember, it is wrong, WRONG, wrong, for any of those involved in your confession to gossip. It shows lack of decency on the part of anyone that does. It is also against the teachings that those who do it profess to believe in. I wouldn’t worry too much about what others think. (Though easier said than done.) There is plenty of forgiveness for you to receive from God.
Thank you for sharing. God Bless.
Quote:Like I said before, everything has an emotional component. I think you have an interesting opportunity to explore where this is coming from.
I recognize that my issues are emotionally based. I’m sure the Bishop is much more concerned about my emotions then the sip of alcohol. If drinking wasn’t currently tied to my state of mind, I don’t think I would worry about the church’s position on this. But that is not the case. Over time I will figure this all out.
I have enjoyed going to other church’s as well. I don’t see myself quitting this for a while. I have found it very fulfilling to learn from others. I find many more similarities then differences that I see no reason to jump ship. There is no reason to trade if its not trading UP.
Euhemerus wrote:By Sunday evening we had 4 invitations for dinner and/or FHE for the next 3 weeks, and we had a cake on our table from the Relief Society President.
Receiving a cake on the table? Wow, if my ward did that I would never fully activate. I would rather stay needy by the ward. J/K
hawkgrrrl wrote:Personally I think it’s a case of out of sight / out of mind. People are busy with their jobs, kids and family. They want to connect, but they aren’t sure how to do it. The other thing I’ve seen is that when someone is inactive, sometimes people are worried that they will offend them by reaching out to them as friends. Which is usually ridiculous of course.
hawkgrrrl, I love how you find the most logical/simple answer. Out of sight/ out of mind.
Brian Johnston wrote:LaLaLove wrote:Any good words?
Yes. Love your MIL. Tell her you love her.
And then let go of caring what she thinks. She is not healthy for you sanity.
I second this approach. I think that we both have the same challenge. We care too much about what others think to the point that it hurts, upsets, or becomes too stressful for us.
swimordie wrote:
I like your thought process but let me throw in a monkey wrench: what if you choose to not drink as an example for your children. Are you expecting something of them in return? What happens when your 15 year-old son comes home at one in the morning and he’s drunk?I swear swimordie, we must be cut from the same cloth. I read this and thought, hmmm, this sounds like a scene in a screenplay:
Quote:
Dad walks in and sees son drinking.Dad: What the hell are you doing?
The son shrugs as he knows he is busted. He looks away for a minute, trying to avoid making direct eye contact.Son: Nothing you haven’t done before.
😳 😳 😳 I love my children unconditionally. I can only live the best life I know how, not the other way around. Truthfully, I only drank moderately, but I still miss it. Now I have a taste for it. It’s been about four weeks since I had a drink and I still want one. I’ve never had an addiction before. I didn’t drink enough for it to be an addiction, or I thought I didn’t. I liked the way it helped me relax. I liked laying on the carpet when I had my first taste of scotch and feeling the carpet, because my senses changed. But here’s the thing, now that I’ve stopped I want it. I want it more then I want chocolate/pizza/cherry Coke, and that’s a BIG DEAL!
Of course, I would have a hard time if I tried to stop eating burgers as well. lol.
Euhemerus wrote:I have chosen to be Mormon, and the reasons are complex. But now that I’ve chosen, I have also pledged to live by the rules.
My only concern is that I don’t want to live by other peoples rules but instead what I feel is wrong. Couldn’t this create more co-dependence? However, last night I thought about something. Though drinking isn’t a big deal for me it might be for my spouse or kids. The last thing I want to do is influence my children into doing something that would harm them. “Reasons are Complex.” I think remembering this (kids) is a much more logical way for me to view this. I may not be responsible for other children and parents, but I am definitely responsible for my own. I don’t like the idea of my kid drinking due to a medical reason that he has.
hawkgrrrl wrote:Personally, I think Green Tea, while it is prohibited by WoW, is less of a thing because it is a low/no risk omission. That’s just an opinion.
Where does it say Green Tea is against the WoW? Green tea didn’t even exist when the WoW came out. Plus members drink herbal tea. Black tea was the problem back then. Though green tea and black tea are both from Camellia sinensis they are made differently. I like to think of it like grapes and wine. Sure wine was made from grapes but they are not the same thing. Now I could be wrong on this but that is my current out look. Green tea also has a lot of health benefits.
http://chinesefood.about.com/library/weekly/aa011400a.htm Alcohol is completely different. Though I don’t feel guilt I’m going to test the principle as I know the health benefits probably out way the negatives. One step at a time for me.
Quote:The problem is that drinking is now not innocent or harmless; it’s tied to your self-esteem and choices in a direct way.
This is my problem in all aspects of my life. I connect small things to big things that make it worse. Unfortunately my drinking is now a check and balance for the bishop. He said I cannot practice my priesthood (giving blessings) or go to the temple until I stop. Yet, I don’t feel it’s wrong to do every once in a while. I plan on obeying for now as he will be checking on me, but is that true repentance? I don’t think so. This is why I am confused. Another example is green tea. I don’t drink it often but sometimes I have a glass. The difference is I didn’t share this with the bishop. The other problem with alcohol is I have taught my ten year old boy it’s wrong his whole life. Now I start drinking and suddenly it hurts him. I actually think drinking in front of my boy was much worse then the drink itself.
I guess now I have to consider the seriousness of drinking alcohol. I understand it’s a rule of the church. I never felt like it was wrong. In fact it was a nice break. I think I’ll start another post about this because of how I’m feeling over it. hawkgrrrl, I guess this is the first time I’ve felt part of the club; with all my failings included. Between all of you here and others I’ve found along the way in this journey, I don’t feel so alone. Today is a wonderful day for me. I feel love towards others and loved. I also don’t feel Mormon. I feel like a child of God and a follower of Christ. My brothers and sisters aren’t just the Mormon church but those who are trying to live in an honest authentic way that promotes the values of Christ. To me it’s much more important to walk the path of love then just say you believe it. That being said, I feel the same love for those that don’t believe in God but still live the principles of love; in fact I admire them the most as that’s a hard path to walk. I guess I’ve experienced all three and can appreciate all points of view. Either way I’ve learn to trust myself a little more today.
I would like to add that you should tell her how you feel, with LOVE. It may challenge your relationship but the only way, IMO, to have a relationship that will last is to be open and honest with each other. There are 5 billion people on the planet, why not be sure that she is the one that you can share everything with. I love learning from different spiritual people. I even like learning from non-christian based faiths. In fact sometimes studying science can be extremely spiritual for me. What I like about the Mormon church is the multiple organizations that are there for my children and the promotion of families. The values they teach (minus same sex) are wonderful and when applied make my life happier. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like the core principles. To be honest I feel like I have lost and gained something at the same time. I enjoyed the 100% belief in the church I previously had. Thinking for myself is more challenging but has it’s rewards. It’s a trade off. I must say, I feel much more responsible now because I know my actions are now mine to make. Now I’m not just seeing things from a soft warm feeling but from a point of logical experience. I’m testing the values and so far I’ve found the church to be fairly accurate. Before I just went along with what others told me to do. I guess the difference is now I’m doing it for different reasons… and the journey continues.
hawkgrrrl wrote:JS said that Mormonism includes all truths. To me, that also means that all non-truths are excluded, regardless of who knows they are non-truths and when we discover their non-truthiness.
Okay, I am probably going to sound like I’m back in High School but, that is so deep, like totally rockin!
😆 Just to make sure I understand your thoughts on this, do you think mormonism isn’t the belief in an institution but the idea/goal that we should reject any faults and truths in and out of the actual LDS church itself? I love this because it allows me to be a free thinker. This opens the door to so many possibilities and exceptions. I truly believe that the only way to know God is to think for myself, meaning sometimes I have to reject the status quo of anyone including the LDS. I hope for the day that the church will come out and expose the fact that our doctrine isn’t what it is said. To me this would propel the church to a “true church” status. Truth is not just found by the principles we’ve learned but by admitting that our dogma is not true. Truth is admitting that we have a lot to learn and that God is listening to all of us. (The truth is I really want to eat a hamburger tonight.)
Thanks on the Avatar. It reminds me how big and wonderful the universe is, and how special creation really is.
I understand your frustrations. I share in you sorrow, I really do. I haven’t been able to return to church once I learned about the doctrine available outside the church. I have been suspicious of certain teachings for a long time. I have a hard time accepting contradictory teachings of old prophets versus today. My biggest issue is the big “secrets.” If the church needs a fall guy I would be happy to make the PR statements. I don’t think Christ would encourage them to do so, which makes it really hard to take what the leaders say seriously. I have found that reaching across the table to other church’s like Community of Christ has opened my eyes to the other side of stories. I have found them to be more accepting then our religion toward their members. They don’t hide doctrines *anymore* like we do. Frankly, I think we should add their members to our congregation. It would help us in many ways. I don’t always agree with them either and going to the LDS church will make my life easier with my siblings and parents. One of these days I will probably go back to church. I know we are not perfect, I get it. I still love many LDS teachings. I love some of the people. My experience in the church has been “wonderful” and “terrible.” But I see no reason to rock the boat. Thank goodness for a place like staylds.com to be able to vent and share our experiences. I do believe God can heal all, including me. I’m just waiting for the healing. Thanks for sharing.
