[Goldilocks]

Quote:

True the mall guy is a physical representation of Santa, but I like to think of the “true” Santa as the spirit of Christmas that is brought to life by everyone that embraces it; especially all the parents who act as “Santa’s helpers” and quite literally do Santa’s work. Santa lives, I am very serious about that.

Thanks for finishing where I was trying to go on that thought. Small kids=Cutting corners on everything, including communication!

My point was to say it’s OK if people in a faith crisis see things different than before. The overall good is still there. 🙂

[Goldilocks]

Just when I think I’ve broken away from black and white thinking I realize I haven’t! That is a wonderful idea to wear garments to church even if one doesn’t feel comfortable wearing them 24/7.

I’m interested in what others have said about the validity of the garment, thanks for the link!

[Goldilocks]

It truly depends on where you are in your beliefs about the temple, the ordinances made there, and the garment.

I choose to take the message behind the garment without wearing them. I dress myself as a classy responsible woman. When I am around my Mormon friends I look “up to code”. I have not changed my outer clothing very much since retiring my garments. However, because I question the validity and neccessity of the temple ordinances, I choose to no longer wear the garment. I enjoy the freedom and comfort of wearing underwear of my choice. And by the same token I respect those who choose to wear it. This is such a personal decision I can’t offer any advice other than to do what you feel is right for your unique life.

[Goldilocks]

Welcome. This site is such a fantastic place to go where people “get it”.

To me being Mormon comprises two distinct parts. The first part is what we believe such as the history and doctrine. The second part is living clean, serving, and generally striving to be good human beings. The second part I wager is more important to your wife.

I think often when we lose our religion; our morals can be compromised as part of our exploratory process. Proceeding with caution is a must when someone is married if you don’t want to hurt your spouse. As long as you show her your internal compass of right and wrong hasn’t changed, I would think over time she will be able to relax about your faith crisis. If you do decide to make changes I loved the suggestions to ask her how that would make her feel. Also have you looked at the website Faces East for her? That seemed like a great place for TBM wives with spouses in faith crisis.

Having a faith crisis is a lot like discovering that Santa is not a magical sleigh driving man living at the North Pole. Instead, Santa is an overweight guy wearing a fake beard who works at the mall. But either way there are still some great lessons to be learned by Santa even if we know things aren’t exactly what we got told. Welcome to stage 4.

BTW I loved the thought of a faith crisis being similar to building a new building after ripping down the old. Exactly where I am at.

[Goldilocks]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone, as well as the warm welcome! I can tell I am in the right place coming here. A few things stuck out to me that I liked…

Quote:

“I just don’t believe that is true, I might be wrong but that is the conclusion that I have come to.”

I like that. For me I am too young (early 30s) to assume I know everything. I might be wrong gives me the chance to be honest with what I am learning, yet be open to changing what I think when I’m older!

Quote:

Let “Mormon” be enough. Let people get to know you without prejudicing them in any way.

That’s true. Hopefully they will judge me off who I am, not my status with the church. And if they did, well we wouldn’t be good friends anyways.

Quote:

People here at staylds talk about getting out of dysfuntional modes of thinking – all or nothing, black or white, etc. For me, I’ve added “jump/how high?” I don’t jump anymore until and unless I have reason other than being told.

Ann I think that is good advice for anybody struggling to stay active.

Thanks All!

Goldilocks

[Goldilocks]

Conflicted,

Your story seems so sad to me. Here is a woman who since the time she was 12 has served and loved so many people and yet has felt so much guilt.

I want to take a second to express my thoughts on perfectionsism, as I am recovering from that as well. I often wonder if being perfect in the next life will occur more because the desire to do wrong inside us will cease to exist as a condition of the after life, rather than on condition of us becoming perfect prior to death. If this is the case, then the best we can do now is our best. Sometimes our best on the outside changes because of inner challenges. Sometimes the best we can do looks like failure to other people. Sometimes the best we can do is HOPE to do better while we continue to roll around in the muck, so to speak.

You have every right to say I can’t hold a calling right now. Perhaps you need some more time to sort out your feelings. When/if you decide to hold callings may I suggest some things that have helped me last year? I told the RS President that I could only do one thing a week for the ward. It was either the calling, feeding Elders, or service, not all of the above. Setting boundaries might help you enjoy church more and sets a good example to kids about knowing your limits as a person. I also decided I couldn’t count on other people to recognize what I noticed as wrong. I started cutting things out of my callings that I felt were not important (the fluff). I would tell whoever was over me that I didn’t feel it was vital and they would need to find someone else to do it if they felt it was important. Perhaps that is another way of making callings work for you when/if you feel OK about holding one?

Concerning the WoW… While I don’t drink coffee or soda, I find it hard to “stomach” that Diet Coke is any better for somebody than coffee, and research seems to back it up. This is very confusing for me as well and is part of my faith crisis. I can see how alchohol can and does get out of control for some people so I understand the logic behind asking members to not partake of that. The rules are meant to help the whole because undoubtedly someone can’t handle alchohol responsibly like you are. I wouldn’t beat youself up over this right now, just focus on surviving. Remember, most non members do exactly as you are and are wonderful human beings!

Best of luck with everything. I look forward to hearing how things go for you and most importantly hope you can find peace and happiness in your life.

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