[Gomezaddams51]

Thanks. I read a post somewhere, I forget which forum, but the poster said we would get whatever our idea of heaven would be, only better. I would be happy if I could just live the life I should have had here on earth without all the problems and health issues. I guess no one knows exactly what is going to happen when we die. Being the eternal Pessimist, with my luck it will be bad but if not I will be pleasantly surprised.

[Gomezaddams51]

If everything that I have been taught is true I feel like I was screwed in this life and will probably be screwed in the next. There are so many things I missed out on and wish I could have done but circumstances and my mental and physical health has caused so many problems that I have no idea what is going to happen to me other than it will probably be bad. LOL I know I sound like I am whining but circumstances have made a a major pessimist and in fact I tend to depress pessimists and make them look very optimistic. I am a human Eeyore LOL. I have tried to fit in but I am Alexithymia and I tend to not feel things or understand what I am supposed to be feeling. There are a few things that I do feel and I tend to hold onto them. One is sex and the other is anger. I also tend to have Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) in which I can go from 0 to 100 anger wise and not realize it is happening, it causes me to black out so I try to avoid any and all confrontations. Getting back to the feeling thing, I have no idea if the church is true or if there is a god because I don’t get that infamous “warm feeling” that the HG is supposed to tell you things are true. I go by logic only and logic makes it hard to believe that there is some benevolent god out there who wants the best for me. I might go with there being some “Force” of some sort but it could give a rats butt about us or our lives. I kind of believe in some sort of afterlife since I have watched to many ghost shows that kind of give the impression that something continues to live on. As for religion I am an agnostic, kind of hoping that there is a god who won’t screw me over but I would not bet my life on it. LOL The church teaches that you have to believe in god and Jesus to be saved but I find it difficult to believe or feel anything along that line.

I was so busy trying to get this posted I forgot to add some things. I have Spinal Stenosis on my lower spinal column which means I am numb from my waist down and have to use a walker. Basically I am about one step away from being in a wheel chair. This causes ED and other problems so I cannot enjoy sex anymore. I talked to a Chiropractor and was told that I was so bad that nothing is going to help me. The VA Docs want to try surgery but I am nervous because the way my luck goes I WILL end up paralyzed. I also have been diagnosed with Major Depression. There are probably some other things that I have forgotten wrong with me. If god exists he owes me big time… LOL

[Gomezaddams51]

I kind of look at life like this and the different types of people:

There is a huge room filled halfway with crap. You walk through waist deep and there are different kinds of people.

1. They walk through and stick their hands down in it and they come up with a hand full of jewels not all the time but a majority of the time.

2. They walk through and stick their hands in and come up with a hand full of silver and an occasional gold piece but only every 10 or 20 times.

3. They walk through and stick their hands down and come up with an occasional penny or two but mostly end up with crap.

4. They walk through and stick their hands down and only come up with crap.

5. The last group sticks their hands down and only come up with crap but they also catch a disease from the crap.

That is how I view life. I feel like I am #4 or 5 most of my life.

[Gomezaddams51]

“To answer your question in your OP, I believe that you get to imagine whatever family situation in heaven that you might want. I figure that God will take the best scenario that I can imagine and then he will add even more wonderfulness on top of it.”

I hope so. I am so tired of everything going wrong and every decision I make that seems like it is good turns out to be wrong. I spent most of the first year of my life in an orphanage which totally mess me up mentally and turned me into a Schizoid. I end up scared of girls because my adopted mother made me that way so I didn’t date. I make a bunch of bad choices even though I thought they were good at the time. I get married and she turns out to suffer from depression and was probably Bi-Polar and she gained over 400 pounds and hated sex so we rarely had it. About the only thing that is good is I had 4 kids. Later on I take my motorcycle in to a guy who has been working on for 10 years and never had a problem and fixed all sort of bikes and a week after I take my bike to him he goes to prison and I get most of my bike back in pieces. I buy a car and it falls apart. I could go on and on with a list of bad things.

And I won’t even go into my health physical and mental. Seems like it is one thing after another. I end up with depression from dealing with my wife and staying with her for 18 long years before I finally said to hell with the no divorce thing and divorced her. Unfortunately the anti-depressants gave me sexual problems so I could rarely perform and then I finally find I wife that I thought was a good choice and she turns out not exactly what I thought she was not to mention I end up with ED then a few years I end up with nerve damage and my lower spinal cord is all messed up, I had a cyst on my spinal cord and a bunch of bad discs and now I can barely walk. It just keeps getting worse and worse so god had better do something because I am tired of getting screwed over my whole life. I feel like god owes me big time.

[Gomezaddams51]

Yeah I guess no one will know. Sometimes I feel like god is a sociopath and it makes him hard to trust him. About the only thing I can do is hope that he will take my mental problems into consideration and lets me plea bargain… LOL

[Gomezaddams51]

I have never had anything canceled and neither has my first wife. My first wife never wanted the divorce. We were both virgins when we got married and knew nothing about sex. We were raised by parents who thought sex was a taboo subject and only told us that we had to wait until marriage to have sex. When we got married our wedding night totally sucked since neither of us had a clue about what to do. My wife hated sex from that night on and we rarely had sex, mostly when she decided she wanted a baby. After the birth of our 4th baby at our 8th year of marriage she informed me she never wanted to have sex again. And I was brainwashed that marriage was forever so I thought I was stuck with her and with a marriage I hated. I survived for 10 more sexless years and finally could take it no more and divorced her. Looking back now, I should have cheated and got the sex she was denying me (man I wanted to cheat but never did), or divorced her. I told my wife I wanted a divorce and she cried and begged me not to divorce her because she loved me. I told her “where was that love when I wanted sex.” I basically forced her to sign the papers. Life was so much better and I actually had sex with women. They taught me a lot, basically everything I should have known when I first got married.

I married my second wife when I was 55 and she was 50. I would much rather be married to her. She loves sex and we are happy.

in reply to: Question on LDS rules on sex and why no counseling about it #242896

[Gomezaddams51]

True that letter is an old one but at the time it was pretty much doctrine at the time. I have also came across that some church authorities have expressed views on what is “unnatural” so I was wondering. I guess the church has changed its stand and now goes with “if both in the marriage agree with it, go ahead and do it” So I guess anything goes then. It is so confusing when I have questions and get answers all over the place.

Does this also include masturbation before and after marriage or is that a whole different thing? I know back in the 60’s when I was a teen that was next to murder and a huge no no.

[Gomezaddams51]

Thanks for the reply I will try and do as you say. I feel like there is something out there, more like “The Force” in Star Wars than perhaps an actual “being”. Although for some reason I feel drawn to either naturism or perhaps to one of the old Pagan religions. It is hard to reconcile it all together. Unfortunately, i feel that if I tell people in the church I think like that, it will cause all sorts of problems because they will have the missionaries camped out in my living room.

I play Dungeon and Dragons, (Not sure you know what that is) and in the game, the “deities” answer prayers if you are lucky and roll right… In the game, the gods actually do something. It kind of made me wish that our diety or whatever would answer if by some cosmic chance we rolled a 20 in our prayers. LOL

Another thing I always disagreed with the church was the so called plan of salvation. Eternity is infinite and yet, if you imagine eternity as a long never ending line, we are only here on earth for a tiny, microscopic pinpoint of time, and yet, that whole tiny pinpoint is what we are judged on and sent to “Heaven” or “Hell” (or the church equivalent.). I just cannot see our progression stopping where we are judged and sentenced to the “lower” Kingdoms. To me, something like re-incarnation is a much better thing. You keep trying until you finally reach perfection.

Anyway thanks for the reply again….

[Gomezaddams51]

Thanks for the reply. My mind is spinning and I am not sure what I believe. Sometimes I feel like I might have a tiny grasp or glimpse of something and then it is gone… Arrgh…

[Gomezaddams51]

Well for a long time I had no desire to stay in the church. However since my wife loves going and I feel I must support her, I am trying to get back in it. When I was a a kid I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Now that I am older, as my dad used to say, time to start cramming for my finals, and so at age 69 I am trying to stop pretending and actually get back into the church. It is hard to break through those old feelings that I have had for all these years.

So, I guess I have returned to what I was taught when I was young. The hard part is feeling it.

[Gomezaddams51]

I know the female part was a bit much, but I was trying to express how it seems I am drawn to the most toxic females I can find. Trust me it is a lot worse, I NC-17’d it and left a lot off. I understand my problems with women and have accepted that when it comes to them, I would do better living as a Hermit in a cave on a mountain top.

What I just cannot under stand is how I end up making the mistakes I do when I try to do something no matter how good my intentions are. How can I make better choices when I examine the situation to death and take what looks like the best choice and feel good making the decision and then have it totally FUBAR right in front of me. Counseling is one of the many bad choices I have made. If I tell what I am feeling and thinking I have ended up in a one way ride to a psych ward (and I don’t think it is anything that bad but apparently they do) and if I don’t tell them, then they cannot help me. Kind of a catch 22 situation.

For a long time I was more or less OK with my life, I knew it sucked but I could tolerate it. Now that I am older, I look back on my life and see all the mistakes and all the opportunities I have missed and it makes me quite depressed. (I am on anti-depressants). I find myself wishing I could go back and relive my life, but know what I know now. I would be a totally different person because I would know what to avoid and I could be in a totally different place than I am now.

Thanks for the reply…

[Gomezaddams51]

DarkJedi wrote:

Gomezaddams51 wrote:

Get over it and get on with your life or if you keep acting like an idiot, you may lose her.

That’s much easier said than done for some. We’re all different and have different points of view. Telling someone to get over something and forget about it is rarely helpful.

With my moderator hat on, please refrain from insinuating someone is stupid, idiotic, etc., or acting as if they are so. The OP’s feelings are his and no one else can possibly understand how or what anyone else feels. We try to be respectful of other points of view and make this a place where everyone can be welcome and comfortable. It’s OK to have your point of view and to disagree with someone else’s point of view – respectfully.

OK sorry about that… I will try to refrain from making the same mistake..

[Gomezaddams51]

As a teenager I never had sex but boy I sure wanted to but my mother had me so scared of sex that I waited until I got married. As far as I know she was a virgin. All I can say, not having sex before marriage was the biggest mistake of my life. Neither one of us knew what we were doing and our sex life totally sucked. But that is a whole different topic.

To post something related to your post, my second wife has one heck of a history. She told me she started having sex at 14 and by 18 had somewhere around 50 or 60 sexual partners. By the time I met her, (age 52 she was 48,) she said she had lost track at somewhere around 120 or so. It doesn’t bother me. In fact the only thing I feel is jealousy and wish I could have been so lucky. So what your wife did in the past is the past. My second wife joined the church 4 years ago and loves it. I on the other hand am basically an agnostic and have been since I was baptized at the age of 9. I go to church for her.

[Gomezaddams51]

Yes they are bound and determined to get me to the temple. At least I have an excuse, I don’t pay tithing so that gives me an out. I hate feeling like I am being forced. I spent my whole childhood from the age of 9 on being forced to go to church and then go on a mission… I figure if the CHurch wants me sealed to my wife, they can do it after I am dead.

[Gomezaddams51]

I have a suggestion for you. Get married in a civil ceremony and then you won’t be breaking any asinine rules.

[Author]

Posts