[goodtruebeautiful]

The general authorities are mostly at Fowler level 3. Most of their audience is level 3 too. What we hear and interpret depends on our past experience and current level of development.

For example, an aunt of mine was found of reminding us at conference time: “Listen to the general authorities, especially the 1st Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve as if Jesus Christ himself is speaking. After you die and you’re being judged, you’ll have to pass by this generation of leaders; you will have to answer to them how you treated their counsel before you’re admitted to the Celestial Kingdom.”

Level 3 preaching runs the risk of being overly dogmatic, close-minded, self-righteousness, judgmental, and intolerant. It can a positive side too, however. Many good things can and do result from organizational stability, feeling of service to a noble cause, and sensing one has a higher purpose in life. Talks can also foster integrity, responsibility and discipline.

I think this encapsulates what happens when the authorities speaks. Level 3 preaching resonates deeply with Level 3 development. The real problem, from a Level 4-5 perspective is that, as Fowler states, “The expectations and evaluations of others can be so compellingly internalized (and sacralized) that later autonomy of judgment and action can be jeopardized.” That’s what many of us struggle with.

I now listen with a more critical eye and take what resonates with me and treat the rest with respect, but to be honest, much of it is trite, ethno and egocentric, and boring. The choir does far more for me than most of the talks!

[goodtruebeautiful]

Great introduction. It’s so interesting to me to read everyone’s stories and see some of the common themes. I live in Utah County too, so I can certainly empathize. I think we share the same sense of loss, anger and isolation. We need the Daily Herald to put out an article: “Surviving Utah County: A Guide for Mormons in Fowler Stage 4 and 5.” (Can you imagine the letters to the editor?)

What led you to question? What was your tipping point? How are you working things out with your spouse?

[goodtruebeautiful]

I’d like to thank those that have commented on my story, especially on such a long post as my introduction was.

I’m reviewing Fowler’s stages and have listened to the Mormon stories podcast with John Dehlin and others. A few years ago I studied some of Ken Wilber’s ideas on personal development, some of which dovetails nicely with Fowler’s. I’m planning on posting more on this is the support section.

I know this it just an internet forum, but I do feel less alone having shared my story and participated in some of the discussion. And for that, I thank you all.

[goodtruebeautiful]

Thanks for your introduction. I’m too new here to really feel like I can welcome you, but hey, what the heck, welcome! I too love the outdoors. Your post reminded me of a passage from Thomas Paine’s Age of Reason:

“The Creation speaketh a universal language, independently of human speech or human language, multiplied and various as they may be. It is an ever-existing original, which every man can read. It cannot be forged; it cannot be counterfeited; it cannot be lost; it cannot be altered; it cannot be suppressed. It does not depend upon the will of man whether it shall be published or not; it publishes itself from one end of the earth to the other. It preaches to all nations and to all worlds; and this word of God reveals to man all that is necessary for man to know of God.”

I’m struggling to find the serenity, courage and wisdom you alluded to.

[goodtruebeautiful]

In regards to your question, “How do you express yourself to people who do care about you in your ward without making them so defensive or shaking their faith?”

If people know you are sincere and that you love them and value them as they are and not as you would have them be, they’ll take your position more seriously. They will listen. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

I don’t think we need to treat true believers with kid gloves. We shouldn’t feel shame in making people more aware of reality. The Church does us no favor by discouraging us from thoughtful exploration. Denial of reality gets us nowhere, because in the end reality always wins. In the same light, we don’t do close-minded members a favor by coddling them with “the standard party line.”

I think we have to be tactful and responsible when we are approached by true believing Mormons, but facts are facts. We don’t have to apologize for the truth. I’d rather stand in the bright light of reality, than cower in an intellectual cul-de-sac. Unfortunately, the LDS Church promotes the latter. Don’t feel bad about promoting the former.

[goodtruebeautiful]

Humans have hard time explaining contradictory aspects of the same person or of an organization. “Splitting” is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism employed when the psyche can’t accept a complex entity into consciousness in its entirety. Splitting is a common scenario for struggling Mormons. When we attempt to harmonize elements within the church that we accept, with those that we reject, there’s bound to be fallout. For example, I love the doctrine of free agency, but I detest the doctrine of Blood Atonement. What do I do mentally with these acceptable vs. unacceptable teachings? I can’t really accept them both. One has to be wrong, right? Can one of them be wrong and the church still be true?

In your case, you’ve had a positive experience with the Book of Mormon, but you harbor, “reservations or pockets of questionings that are weighing heavy and that cause me to question…” Your internal dialogue might run something like, “Wow, King Benjamin’s speech is so uplifting, but can the Book of Mormon be true if the text perpetuates known King James Version translation errors? If the evidence goes against the Book of Mormon being a bona fide historical record, does it make sense to be inspired by a prophet that never really existed?”

Because it’s hard to integrate the LDS faith into a cohesive whole, one unconsciously separates or “splits” it into two categories: the “good” side of Mormonism as those acceptable things, and the “bad” side of it as the painful or unacceptable parts. In so doing, we effectually divide a single entity into two opposing realities. To reference a common example of splitting, a child might conceptualize of mother (having both a tender and a terrifying side) as alternately “good mommy” or “bad mommy.” As a result, the child alternates between over-idealizing and deprecating the same person. Many of us do the same with the Church.

Your own self-concept can also suffer its own version of splitting. It’s really even worse than the external sort. Splitting off aspects of the Church is one thing, but what about splitting off parts of your own self? There’s your good “stalwart Mormon” side opposing your evil “bitter apostate” side. These archetypes battle it out as opposing realities inside your own head. Can’t be all that healthy right? Extreme degrees of internal splitting fragment the self through dissociation or even multiple personality formation. More generally, however, this splitting of the psyche shows up as depression, anxiety, addictions, psychosomatic symptoms, or just plain confusion. (Maybe that’s why I get a headache every time I sit through sacrament meeting!)

I’m not 100% sure, but I’m fairly certain that raising our own level of consciousness is the cure for splitting. Albert Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” By raising my level of awareness, I hope to cure myself of the same sort of psychological pain you seem to be going through.

Because the LDS church is a human undertaking, it’s going to manifest the full range of human morality, from the very good, through the mundane, to the very evil. Because the LDS church is man-made, some of the doctrines are glorious, others don’t matter, and some are just plain stupid. Perhaps, making ourselves aware of the entire spectrum of the Mormon experience is key to making peace with the Church, and ourselves.

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