[happymom]

It really helps a lot to hear all of this advice. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy or that I am totally out of line for even considering staying with the church when I am around him. He tells me that I am brainwashed and that I will be brainwashing my children. I can kind of understand why he thinks that but at the same time I’ve told him that I”m not going to force my children to go or kick them out of the house if they leave. It is their decision.

I’m just frustrated with myself because I ended up going back to him even though I told myself I was going to find my own apartment and live on my own for a while. Most of the time he has been great since I’ve come back and has been helping me more with my house and kids. But there are some weird comments he makes every now and then that really drive me nuts. For example, he said “I’m nice because I want to, not because God told me to”. So I asked him if he thought I was nice just because God told me to and he just smiled and wouldn’t answer. He tries to tell me that pornography is healthy and that I am ridiculous for telling him I don’t want him to watch it. He didn’t watch it when we got married. He promised me he would stop and now I’m the one being ridiculous. What bothers me the most though, is how he treats his family. He writes them nasty e-mails telling them that they have no right to support me and that they have no idea what “abuse” is. I told him last night that we still need to go to counseling like we’ve planned for the last month. I’m going by myself but want to go with him also. He seemed surprised but willing to go so I will see how it goes in the next couple of weeks.

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