[harmon-y]

I would agree with most of the comments that the act of prayer is really about reflection. I struggle similarly to you. I felt like I lost a dear friend. I decided that atheists might be right. I also decided that I did not want to choose that belief for myself. I continue to pray to a Heavenly Father because in those moments, I imagine a loving father who believes in my abilities within my short coming. My typical internal dialogue is negative and anxious. Prayer allows me to disassociate from that and make better choices. I want it to be true so I do the act.

Have you prayed about this feeling? Work through it in your prayer. As you pray, meditate, listen, you can find the answer. Why did the water stop flowing? Do you think it will again? Is water missing because there is no rain (ie power from above?) or a block at the entrance? I might be digging too deep but that is how I find answers for myself. You chose that example for a reason, whether you know it or not.

[harmon-y]

Thanks! I read your reply to my husband. I was surprised that you were able to help with someone’s medical expense at all! I understand that it can not be a free for all but …. In general the lack of spiritual inspiration in leadership decisions is difficult for me. I feel like there should be more room for prayer and decisions for aid from leadership who are led by trying to follow the spirit (even if it is sometimes wrong) than just following the party line. You gave me hope that there is that ability still, even if I haven’t seen it. We ended up helping (kept distance, used gloves, didn’t go in the house, etc). Then, last night, we found out the father has Covid19. So he might get help from the government because of the outbreak. Now I am praying that our help, well intended and following inspiration, will be followed by protection from getting/spreading this virus. ANYWAY, I will stop hijacking your post!

[harmon-y]

First, it is a beautiful and comprehensive letter. Well done!!

Second, I am hoping to highjack the post a little and get some help on a specific sentence in your letter. You talked about how as a bishop you got discouraged by the church caring more for rules than people (to that affect). My husband is really struggling with that right now. A member of our branch has lung issues and is now in an induced coma. He is a father and husband and semi active in the church. Like several members of our branch, he is not legally in the US. My husband, who is his ministering brother, asked about how to give real help to this brother and the others who will be getting no relief from the government. They are in a uniquely difficult position. He said when he brought it up at counsel, everyone got really cagey and said we have channels in the church and moved past the subject. We decided to help them ourselves with cash but it has really hurt his testimony. I know this is how the church operates and try to just do what I think is right regardless. Any insights on how I can help him not get as jaded?

[harmon-y]

Our branch just started in January a year long “preparedness” theme. They said something big was coming and we needed to focus on it in the stake for this year. Two months later: Quarantine! The worst part? Now they are never going to shut up about the revelation… (Sarcasm going to get me to h ell faster than Coffee??)

It has made me grateful for the prepper parents that I have. I feel blessed to know how to grow food, can goods, ferment veggies, hunt, etc. I was feeling a little upset last year about how I have spent my whole life feeling like the end is just around the corner. When I was a child, I figured I would not ever have a career and especially would never retire because Jesus would come LONG before that could happen. My perspective has changed slightly in that even though I now have a 401K, I also enjoy self reliance. It has given me a lot of peace during this time and lots of prayers of gratitude have gone up. That has helped keep depression at bay as well. Gratitude is really such a beautiful thing.

That being said, though I am no master gardener, I am happy to share what knowledge I do have. Look up heritage seeds or heirloom seeds which will produce seeds for future crops.

I had a similar experience with the needing to reevaluate long term storage reserves. We have lots of white flour but supplemented with whole wheat and brown rice. My husband is also diabetic so we ended up gifting the white rice we did have to others in need. It is hard to keep up with the dietary needs to be honest. I do sourdough and try to convince everyone that real sourdough is better for diabetics so we can use the rest of our white flour.

[harmon-y]

I think another reason for the de-emphasis is the change to have the church be more acceptable world wide. There are regions where a year food storage is, if not impossible, a huge strain especially for members already learning to pay 10% tithing. I think of my family in El Salvador. They do not have space, money, or ability to keep a year of food along with the risk of it being ruined or stolen.

[harmon-y]

I have stayed in the church to help encourage members and/or youth who are struggling to understand their sexual identity. The only gay and lesbian friends I have are exmormons or active mormons. They have had overwhelming support by their families in general but I know that is not always the case. I want to be there to encourage members to be more open minded so support and love can be the norm. I don’t particularly care what the churches official stance is anymore as I believe that I am going to be judged for the conscience of my own mind rather than my ability to follow leadership when my spirit whispers a different truth. When my daughter (step) came from El Salvador she had never met a gay person and had a very negative opinion because of her culture. We gently encouraged her to keep an open mind, showed her my friends who live successful happy lives as gay/lesbian members of society, and spoke in support of a few gay kids at school she mentioned. They have become some of her best friends and she has since helped another boy who decided to come out to his bishop (successfully!!). If I were to leave the church, I think I would be losing the chance to change people’s understanding for the better. There is this quote that says something like “when we think of traveling to the past, we are so afraid that we will have one small act that will change the entire future. Yet no one in the present thinks one small act matters.” Staying is my small act 🙂

[harmon-y]

Thanks!! I can share a testimony of the written words from heavenly father and listening to the spirit to guide you to the things you need. Hopefully no one will call me out (haha) but falling back on the spirit direction is great! :thumbup:

[harmon-y]

Thank you Ray AND DarkJedi for your help. I think I will give the church another try and do as suggested. Try to ignore the things I don’t like (including the temple) and focus on what I do like. For the most part, the people in my branch are nice. And, honestly, most of them are fairly accepting of different beliefs as most were brought up believing much more radical things. They just make sure the leadership is gringo or coconut to keep all the crazy beliefs out of what is accepted or what is allowed to be discussed.. okay I’ll stop now

But that is a good idea – plus I have a toddler so I have a built in excuse to leave meetings whenever I feel like. Thank you Heavenly Father for sending me a baby in my hour of need

I feel the pressure mostly from the talk of eternal families. I am probably creating the problem myself. But eternal families are because of the temple and.. I hate the temple. I am not worthy or willing to go again – am I still going to be with my family? From the LDS stand point, I think the answer is no. I will probably be an a-sexual terrestrialite as I did not keep my covenants.

[harmon-y]

I think it was more of the tipping point for me. I had worked past or ignored or adjusted belief on anything I couldn’t handle in the church before because the end goal was so worth it. Maybe I need to work on separating the temple from the church but.. it feels impossible. It is a big focus of the church. I have other problems but I could probably overlook them. How do you ignore all of the pressure to love/attend the temple?

[harmon-y]

Maybe I should start another thread but I am confused on how you can be Masonic and go to the LDS temple. The recommend interview asks “Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?” Aren’t Masonic teachings not in harmony with the LDS church? I don’t know much about it but what I read seems to show that you do not need Christ to enter heaven (which is contrary). Just curious

[harmon-y]

Quote:

…A completely different view of God promotes an idea that when you seek God you are often shown what is for practical purposes a mirror. I know that sounds very harsh but it is not meant to at all. The point is if you can find that hidden seed of love that you have for yourself – latch onto it! Plant it and nourish it! As it grows you may recognize that it is divine and has been all along, …but it was mislabeled and hidden in your personal self-storage.

From Orson (sp?)

I agree. I think it is Buddism that teaches that within yourself you find your answers and love. It isn’t very “Mormon”, as we are taught that we must rely on others for most. Also the scripture Matt 10:39 which states “He that findeth his life shall lose it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” lends me at least to spending less time worrying about myself. But, I have come to find that it is necessary and empowering to look for that love within yourself. If you are battling depression, I strong suggest getting professional help. I did it and it really helped me learn how cope better and how to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. Please invest some time for you, just learning to accept/love yourself.

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