[Harmony]

Having a lesbian daughter, and being involved in a group that supports LGBTQ youth and allies, I can tell you that my fear is that reading this statement at church just provides more angst and possible suicides of our LGBTQ youth. It may just be a restatement of things that have already been said, but I know families that have lost children to suicide, and this kind of thing just makes these youth feel worse about the church and their lives. It is not innocuous.

[Harmony]

Thank you for sharing your journey thus far. So many of us have traveled a similar journey, and it is a painful and confusing one. I see things in a completely different light than I used to, and my interest in church events is waning all the time. I think it is bold of you to state your feelings on line. I hope that you don’t have Myriads of people coming to your rescue.

Harmony.

[Harmony]

Thanks for sharing your story, Cedar.

Quote:

Anyway, this might give a little background into some of my struggles with the church – the main ones being women’s issues in the church (including polygamy, inequality in the temple, absence of women’s voices in Church policy, knowing next to nothing about Heavenly Mother and not really being able to talk about her, etc.), LGBT issues in the church, and race issues in the church. I also struggle with some of the teachings that have to due with sexuality – the emphasis on women’s dress when teaching about modesty, teaching women not to become “walking porn” (as well as the often implied message that men “just can’t control themselves”) asking people about masterbation in interviews (especially with youth), etc. I also struggle with the concept of “one true church”. It just seems when dealing with imperfect people messing things up all the time in the church, the variety of life experiences that people have on this Earth, etc. that God must have a bit bigger, more inclusive plan. I admit I have a hard time understanding ordinances, especially the temple ordinances, in the traditional way.

I can really relate to all of the above.

I hope you feel welcome and that we can be here for you. So many of us have the same struggles and thoughts.

[Harmony]

I agree with you on many counts, Shawn. I’m sorry you are having a really difficult time. I am also trying to figure out what to do with the new information I have. The realities of polygamy, polyandry, etc., have really upset me, along with many other things. I can’t really reconcile what I have been taught with what I am finding out is the reality.

I’m deciding day by day what I really feel like I should do, and I’m actually a bit relieved that none of my kids are much involved in church at this point. One year ago I was completely distraught by their reluctance to be involved. I was distraught that I felt my family was not a “forever family” in the church’s eyes, that I had failed and that my family was “falling apart.” Now I am rethinking all of the things I have been taught. My family is actually much improved in many ways from what it was a year ago (as far as how we are getting along and relating to each other, peace in the home, etc). Removal of all the shoulds and musts that the church proscribes has made our lives and spirits lighter.

I’ve gone from believing the church is perfect but the members are flawed, to thinking the members are mostly very sincere good people, and the church is what needs improvement to be in line with the gospel of Christ.

Sending a hug your way. Hang in there. Finding our way is very hard, and very painful, but hopefully it can lead to new enlightenment and a new way of being in the world.

[Harmony]

😳 :wave:

[Harmony]

I did like President Hinkley’s message at the end.

[Harmony]

I kind of agree with you. On the one hand I guess it is good to think about all we do accomplish in a day and the many ways we help others, but in this video I felt like I was watching a woman who hasn’t learned how to say no. She seemed overwhelmed to me to the point of depression. It would have been nice if someone else had offered her a helping hand. I think the video might lead some to think they should always put themselves last, and to feel bad if they didn’t.

[Harmony]

He hasn’t viewed the website again since the 6th. That is worrying.

[Harmony]

In regards to knowing if you are gay or not without experimenting a bit, I can only say that my child figured this out without kissing or being physically involved with anyone. They knew it innately, kind of like most of us do.

[Harmony]

Hi Roadrunner:

I don’t really have an answer to your question, but rather some resources that might help you as a leader. Also resources that may help families who have children who are LGBTQ.

I’m pretty sure that when my gay child came out to our local church leader (before we even knew they were gay), they were told that crossing that line of attraction at all was a big problem. I believe he included hand holding. I don’t agree with that and feel it is a double standard.

The resources below may be helpful to leaders and families in that they discuss the biggest issues facing LDS LGBT youth, which are suicide and drug/alcohol abuse. Keeping these kids alive and loved by their families should be top priority. Our church leader expressed that he wished he had been more informed when this issue presented itself to him with basically no warning. I have provided these materials to our local church leader as I’m sure my child won’t be the only one this may come up with.

http://affirmation.org/resources/packet-of-materials-to-share-with-leaders-family-and-friends/

http://affirmation.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Family-Acceptance-Project-_-LDS-Booklet-_-14Jun2012.pdf

Thanks for caring so much.

Harmony

[Harmony]

At different times I’ve felt:

Shocked

Betrayed

Angry (first at God, then at the church leaders)

Foolish

Sad

Grief stricken

Physically ill/sick to my stomach

Scared

Hopeless

Indignant

I can say I am more hopeful now, now that I have a different conception of what I feel is important to lead a good life. I also got some counseling help for the depression this left me in, which was extremely helpful and I highly recommend to anyone who is in the midst of the sadness that accompanies a faith crisis.

This forum has been very helpful to me, realizing we are not alone and that ever increasing numbers of people are feeling the same way.

[Harmony]

Hi Mom3. I love Chieko Okazaki. Thanks for sharing. I will see if I can find some of her quotes to add. Her writings are always uplifting and I think help us to be less hard on ourselves 🙂 :thumbup:

[Harmony]

Thanks Ray for sharing this video. I think it was informative and very touching. I appreciate the love these parents so obviously have for their children. I hope it increases understanding.

[Harmony]

Very thoughtfully written. I can completely relate to your feelings. Wish the church was listening.

[Harmony]

Thank you for posting your introduction. Welcome! I think there are so many here that can relate to your story. I hope that you find comfort and help here as you work through through the issues you are having. I have been reading through staylds for about a year, and it has been invaluable to me. The Mormon Matters podcasts are also good. Hope to hear more from you. :wave:

[Author]

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