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I also teared up during that part of his talk. It was just what I needed. It is hard enough trying to find my way right now, but it was so helpful to feel understood by someone like President Uchtforf. I’m glad the D.N. had more of the talk on it’s site earlier in the week. I was just surprised when I went looking for a quote and couldn’t find the part of the talk that I was looking for. But then, they do have to summarize so I suppose whoever does the summarizing picks what they feel was most important.
So glad you had the positive experience in the midst of that most uncomfortable sounding setting. It does sound like something you desperately needed at the time. Quote:Trueblue2012 said: “If we end up getting married I would prefer neither of us to have sexual histories.”
Since you both have histories that really isn’t possible, even if you prefer it. She may have more of a history than you, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t be a great couple. I would just evaluate how important she is to you, and how you feel about her as a person, and don’t hold it against her that she has a past (as apparently you do too). It sounds like it might be a bit of a trust issue for you? If you really find that you love her and can’t imagine life without her, that would be great start. If, however, you can’t get rid of the thought of her having other relationships and it overshadows your positive feelings, you may have to let her go.
No one is perfect, and it would be sad if you let her go because of past actions that she has sincerely repented of. Don’t know if that helps at all, but trusting your feelings, after sincere reflection is usually the best way to go.
Quote:Mackay 11 said: If we want the church to become a ‘broad tent’ then we have to accept that the people all the way over on the other side of the tent need space made for them too. I’m quite glad that they’re all the way over the other side… but they still need their champions
I guess this is something I need to remember. Sometimes it seems like there are way too many people on the other side of the tent in comparison to the number over on my side. But then there was President Uchtdorf’s comment “If you could see into our hearts, you would probably find that you fit in better than you suppose.” I can only hope that is true.
President Uchtdorf is definately my favorite speaker. It just seems like he gets what is important and what people are going through.
Welcome to the group. I am fairly new too, and have found this site to be very helpful. It is hard when there is no one to talk to. Now you have a great outlet. I hope it helps you too. Harmony
Thanks for your understanding. I wonder what could be God’s plan in all of this for our family. But I will keep on trying to figure that out. Maybe to help someone else going through the same thing? I guess time will tell. I know love in the answer to many problems, and our family has an abundance of love for each other so in that respect I am doing well. Thanks Mayb. I think that you and Ray both have good advice. For the time being I will keep on trying. There were many good and uplifting things said. With a child who has SSA, and is not “out”, I have very few people I can share my struggles with. I do think this website may have been an answer to prayer for me, though. It has helped so much to hear others have struggles similar to my own. Wishing you all good things in your future with regards to your family’s decisions.
Thanks Ray, I too liked President Monson’s talk, and Brother Dube, but I feel like I’m holding my breath half the time when watching conference, and then of course the hard line talk by D. Oaks was the only one my inactive child was present for, and I ended up turning it off before it went further. I decided to read your synopsis of the talks and then watch what I thought would be uplifting for me and skip the rest.
While it was very gratifying to hear President U. (I don’t want to misspell his name) talk about mistakes that were made in the past and imperfect leaders, I wonder how much of what is spoken now is correct or not. I’m just in a hard place given my family’s circumstances.
I’m looking for ways and reasons to stay. I’m not looking for reasons to leave, but it seems I’m finding it hard to reconcile my feelings with statements of some leaders. Leaving would be terribly hard and sad, but staying also seems a hard choice.
I like your comments about Ray’s father. He seems like such an exceptional person. One of the greatest people I have ever known was also the most unassuming. She quietly looked out for those around her that were having a hard time, or needed a friend, mostly those who were overlooked at church, and then quietly looked for ways to support them. I only knew about her ativities because I was her neighbor, and buddy, and would occasional catch her in a generous act. When she passed it became much clearer to me the impact she had on so many lives. Everyone loved her generous heart and her noncritical attitude and her listening ability, but i realized all the more how her one true goal was to be the best person she could be, to follow Christ, and she did it in such a marvelous way without any desire for recognition or attention, because her motives were pure and selfless. Recognition held no interest for her. Never an angry word, never a spiteful comment, but a quick wit, and a cheerful demeanor, and one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Such a great example.
Thanks for the comments On My Own and Tobin, I think that one of the problems the temple presented to me was the buildup throughout church life that the temple is a pinnacle in our lives, and it is hard to lower expectations when you have heard all your life that it is such an amazing place and that the spirit will be so strong there. Then when it was a trying experience, initially, it was sort of disconcerting to me. Don’t get me wrong, I feel the temple itself is a beautiful place, and that there is a reverence once I am on the grounds or in the building. It does require a completely different way of thinking than we are used to in the church, like you were saying, On My Own. So maybe that is part of the purpose, to get us to think or view things in a completely different manner. I have been to a Catholic Mass, and did find that there were some parallels and I found that very interesting.
There are many expectations and ideals presented to us as we grow up in the church, and I have always tried to explain to my kids that not everyone has a big spiritual experience at baptism, or during their confirmations, so that they won’t be disappointed if that isn’t their experience. Some of us tend to have more experiences like that than others, and I may be in the category of someone who doesn’t. I have had a completely all encompassing experience of the spirit at a very trying time in my life, and it was so amazing and wonderful, that it may be the one time I have to fall back on when things are tough. I am very grateful for that feeling. It was amazing.
So thanks for your input. It helps to know that others have had similar experiences. I certainly went with only the purest intentions, and maybe someday it will fall into place for me. Or maybe there are other places, such as in nature, that speak more loudly to me. Thanks.
I’m new here too. Glad you are here. It is a great place to get and give support. I appreciate everyone’s input and ideas. I was very excited when I first attended the temple, and decided to take out my endowments in SLC and have a live session. I just figured that was how my grandparents had experienced it, so I wanted to also. I understood there was a lot of symbolism and went in with a very open mind. I worked really hard at being prepared and being worthy and prayerful beforehand. It was just so completely foreign to me, that instead of a spiritual experience, I had a big headache, and had to have reassurance that what I was experiencing and seeing was completely normal. It was nothing like I expected. I wouldn’t recommend a live session. I have gone again, with a bit more success, but the only peace I feel there is in the celestial room. It has made me feel a bit inadequate when I hear how wonderful many people find the temple to be. I really try to be prepared. I don’t have a recommend right now since it expired recently, and I’m not super motivated to get it renewed at this point. It is helpful to hear others who have had similar feelings. The sealing ceremony was a bit underwhelming also, but I was very happy to be sealed to my husband. I remember my mom having similar feelings about the temple. She was often told she would find her answers in the temple, and she would tell me that it just didn’t work out that way for her. Maybe it runs in the family.
Guess I should try again. We have had such a hard year this year maybe I could get some peace and reassurance this time. It did feel a bit like the emperor’s new clothes” to me too. Am I doing something wrong?
Also, I picked the name Harmony because that is what I am searching for in relation to my beliefs about the gospel and my questions and conflicts. I don’t have it yet, but I’m working on it. : )
Ray, your father sounds like an amazing person. What an example of a loving husband and father. I’m so sorry for your loss. Quote:Roadrunner said:
“He also said that most people who leave the church hide behind not believing the doctrine but that it’s really because they have committed major sin.”
I have to admit I used to feel that people who left the church were looking for a reason to leave, and then when they were offended or upset by something that was their excuse to go.
I feel badly about that now, as I am myself experiencing doubts and problems with some of the doctrine and history, and am actually searching for a reason to stay. I haven’t committed any major sin, and don’t plan on doing that in the future. It is such a cop out to make the assumption that people who leave are major sinners. And It is very judgmental. After going through such turmoil and sadness about questioning what I have been taught, it gives me new eyes to think about others I know who have left, and while I never assumed they had committed a “major sin,” I didn’t really give them the benefit of the doubt that they were sincere or justified in their reasons for leaving. I imagine that if I decided that I couldn’t stay in church, there would be those who would speculate about my worthiness or lack of worthiness and my “real” reasons for leaving.
One more comment. I am really really tired of the rules and decisions that are made for the sake of the adults in my ward, or to follow some imagined important edict. Meaningless rules that make things harder for the membership, mainly the youth, and to the detriment of the whole ward. It would be great if the letter of the law was less important than the individual members and their needs. Sooooo irritating to me. I can’t get into details because I’m a bit paranoid of being discovered here, but why are all the petty rules and decisions made without the individual members in mind. GRRRR. I just don’t understand it.
