[Harmony]

Hi Deepthinker,

Quote:

Right now I feel like I’m in the mist of darkness not because I strayed from the iron rod, but because the iron rod disappeared as if it was a hologram, a projection of years of unquestioned belief

I am new to this site too, and hope that you will feel supported as you try to work through your feelings regarding the gospel and church. I can relate to your post. It feels very sad in some ways to realize that I can no longer continue in the church without questioning what I am told, but in other ways I feel like I am now being more honest with myself while I try to sort things out.

I’m glad you are here and hope it brings you some peace to know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

[Harmony]

Thanks for the links, Roy, I am looking forward to checking them out. I am feeling more positive about trying to work through this and still stay a member of the ward/church. Having this site as a resource and having people I can share with and get input from is already very helpful. Thanks!

[Harmony]

That is good to know, because I have two dear children now who don’t attend, so the group on the bench is looking mighty small right about now. Thankfully not a lot of people are asking questions, because it upsets me to have to bother to respond. I know it is well-meaning for the most part, but its sort of like that … “Oh, we missed so and so last week, is everything okay?” to which I just smile and nod. ” Yep, everything is good.” And then I skeedaddle. My DH suggests getting a bit thicker skin at church, but all it takes to reduce me to tears is to start thinking of those dear kids and how I miss having them there and then I have to watch that I don’t start crying. People must think I am super spiritual these day because I am usually very close to tears. 😥 If they only knew that half the time my heart is hurting.

On the up side our family is very close. The younger kids don’t know about their sister’s secret. I am thankful for my wonderful kids and their love for each other. I am thankful for your comments and for finding this website and for the blessings in my life. So….. thanks again.

[Harmony]

I understand your need to want to share your feelings and thoughts with someone. It is a lot to keep bottled up inside.

I’m very reticent to talk to anyone about my feelings about church and my recent faith crisis. It seems the only people I can share some of my thoughts with are those I am close to who live in other states, non-church members, who are not in any kind of position or who have any inclination to talk to anyone about what I share with them. And even then I’m probably not completely candid, since I don’t want the church to be reflected upon badly. That is one reason I am glad that I have an outlet now with this site. It helps to be able to speak about what I’m feeling in this somewhat anonymous setting. I hope it helps you too. I think it is helpful just to realize you aren’t alone.

[Harmony]

Thanks for everyone’s comments. I did look at the family project website and the video was definitely good for me to see. I will have to look it over more thoroughly. One of the hardest days I have had was when I was traveling with family members (siblings and nephews) and the topic came up. Everyone was polite about it, but hearing their opinions was hard for me to take, and as it isn’t my place to share my daughter’s private information (they don’t know) I had to just try and make what I thought were informed and valid points, which were not really well received. I can only hope that when this news isn’t private anymore, that their opinions may change. I think it makes a big difference when people are close to someone who is gay, and it changes the way they think about the topic since now it is actually affects them personally. It was just really hard for me to be there, and I was very glad my daughter didn’t come along with us.

Thanks, Hawkgrrrl, for your message. Your son sounds like a great guy. I think it is important that when we hear derogatory remarks about gays we speak up. I have heard kids joking around at church and making comments that aren’t appropriate, and I think they just don’t realize that the person next to them might really be offended or hurt by their remarks. My daughter was part of her school’s GSA group, which was very helpful to her, I’m sure. In hindsight, I am glad we did not get involved in the Prop 8 issue, which would surely have been painful to my daughter if we had. My husband was actually quite vocal in the family about not supporting the church’s efforts in that regard.

I imagine at some point in the future I may be able to help someone else going through the same issue. I’m just trying to keep the faith and figure out how I can keep going to church and be positive about being there.

Turinturambar, it is fine if you want to private message me. Thanks for your input.

[Harmony]

Orson wrote:

Looking on the bright side after the sun rises again we can see that sometimes parts of our old selves need to die to allow for a new budding growth.

Thanks Orson, I am hoping this does turn out to be a period of new growth for me.

[Harmony]

Thanks for your kind words. It is actually my daughter that I was speaking of. She is someone who is such an amazing, beautiful and caring person, and while only a very few people know of her inclination, I worry what the reaction will be when eventually those at church do know. I don’t care for my sake, but for hers, as she has always been very loved at church. I hope that they will all still love her as they did before. Thankfully my DH is also very loving and accepting of our daughter. I am glad the church’s stance has softened somewhat, but it still is a hard place to be when you are gay. Another child has decided they don’t want to attend anymore, and said that they don’t believe in the church, so this has really left me with the question “Where does this leave my eternal family?”

I am continuing on in my quest to stay in church. I feel strongly about the things I consider positives and truths that I receive there. I am starting to really study more about the church’s history and so in that way maybe this is just a new beginning for me and a time to reevaluate and improve my relationship with God and Christ. I have felt that the things I have read have really inspired me positively, including the book “The God Who Weeps.”

My goal right now is to be as Christlike as I can, and work on helping others.

So thanks for the welcomes into the group. I really feel like finding this website was actually an answer to prayer, so maybe that means he is still listening.

[Author]

Posts