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So this is what is so hard. I dont have a calling and really im okay with that right now. Its been over a year since i have had one. So when i worked last year my orthadox members talked about the church quite a bit. At the time there was on more person and she was a inactive member tring to be active. It made it easier because i could talk to her. I just avoided a lot of church conversations including calling talk. It was hard but because the inactive girl was there it made it easier. That particular girl is not there this year. So today at work the tree of the wee talking about there callings and i just sat there and listened. Is that how to handle that or do i tell them that i dont have one. If i tell them i dont have one it might lead to more questiins i dont want to talk about. So do i avoid those conversatiins all year?
Thank you Old-Timer. You put that in just a way that helped me feel more comfotable going to work tomarow with all the people ( there is only 3 people i work with regularly for now) that are orthadox mormon. Two of them more than the other. Thats what its all about loving everyone right? Thats what God does.
And DarkJedi maybe at that while writing my post, time i was judging. Judging those people in the chuch for believing things i dont anymore. I guess i need to let people be who they are and be okay with who i am.
Thank you again.
So yea thats exsactly it. I learned sometning very valuable this summer. I agree these people i worked with this summer are good people. I was learning that even before this summer but was put in a good position to practice what i told myself i belived. I think it went pretty well. Quote:There are lots of things in the church that we are supposed to do to please God and earn a reward from him. In the aftermath of my experience I found myself less motivated to do them. I have had to re-evaluate those things that I will continue to do because they are important to my community and my family. Just because God might not care (in the grand scheme of things) if I have a job tomorrow does not mean that I can just quit. There are real world consequences for every decision. My Relationship with my creator will never be in jeopordy – but that does not mean that I don’t still need to nurture and cultivate relationships with those around me. But it is different now. I feel like a volunteer. I give of my time and resources in a manner that I feel is appropriate and sustainable and I refuse t o feel guilty (or unworthy) for not giving more.
Im still trying to figure out how to quote some one else. Im not sure if this is going to work. I liked what Roy said about how god loves no matter if we do things to please him or not. The way Roy wrote that was invaluable. Better than i can explain. He wrote about how the wold has real life consequences and we still need to do things like our jobs. That gave me allit to think about. I had been thinking about that for quite a while. It bothered me that i was doing all these things in my life to please God and felt maybe in some way i wasnt loved unless i did them. So lately i havent been quite as motivated to vdo things. I like the idea of doing things for other reasons. I lay on my bed when i have time and just can remember all the things I used to do as a home mom because that is what i was supposed to do. So now i dont nessasaraly belive in that way i dont want to do it. Finding a new reason really resenates with me.
I think that was a great artcle. The part i liked the best was at the end where he said that the best thing you can do for someone in a faith crisis is show unconditional love that is not predicated on the persons church status. That is so true. We belive in agency snd by loving unconditionally shows that. I think this is an interesting topic. I am deffinetly been thinking about the spirit in homes. As a teanager i didnt think i felt the spirit in my home. I wanted it though. I wasnt in my marriage tlike i thought it would be. Ive been thinking about the spirit in general alot lately. Im been thinking alot about feeling accepted vs the spirit. I had a girl invite me to a singles ward as a young adult. You know when ypu here at church that if you feel the spirrit to talk to someone you should do it. I felt that is what happened to that girl. I defenetky felt accepted. But now i wonder if i was or was not feeling the spirt. That could be why at times i thoughti wasnt feeling the spirit in my home at times. I just didnt feel accepted at times.
I guess that is why iI like the personal revelatiion idea. I havent been to the temple in quite a while. I have heard in church many times that that is satan tempting you not to go. They dont say that to me specificaly. Thats is just what is taught. Im trying to figure things out. When I was in my faith crises an was deciding about the temple my mom said to me you need to go to the temple to see all the new changes. I was thinking. Thats a dumb reason to go to the temple. There is more purpose to the temple than that. When i went before it was for a reason. It was to feel close to God and get revelation. Because im strugling i dont have as much reason to go. I want to go because i believe not just to see the changes. Some one might think im falling away. I dont. I think im deciding what i believe. Im still learning about how to paste others post onto mine an hopefully i learn that soon I wanted to coment on the good and bad labei. I agrre that using those labels is not helpful for any one. I used to say this instead. I dont believe in good or bad people but there are good or bad choices. Ive been thinking about that. Maybe Irresponsable choices is a better word for some choices. Im sure there is mamy others that could be used. As i write this i dont think i even like the good or bad choice wording. Like that kid who broke the sabath day by going to work. Maybe his choice wasnt bad it was more a less spiritual choice. A choice that wouldnt aliow him to go to church. I would think that would be a responsable way to talk about that with the child
So aa i write this im getting memories of being taught (maybe in semenary) that once you make one bad choice it will be easiee for satan to tempt you to make another then another. I hate that and dont want to believe that and at the same time am having a hard time letting that teaching go. Why? I cant believe i even wrote that when i was just saying before in my first post that that kid in prison didnt do that.
So i guess what im thinking is that the boy the teacher was talking about in church who is in prison could have taken that first job on sunday for many reasons. It could definetly be other reasons than breaking the sabbath day. I guess we will never now for sure but maybe he was already not fitting in. Thr thing is too, people change and there is still hope for this guy. I would hope his parents still felt that way for him to make better choices. Im glad to see that a former apostle cane see other reasons for inactivity. Thank you for sharing. I do agree with the shame thing too. I think i felt shame growing up from a variety of people i would say. thats no reason to follow commandments. There has been many times i decided against a conversatiin with my teenage daughter an decided to work with her instead. It sounds more christlike to me. Thank you all for you perspectives.
Thank you for your welcome everyone. Boy dont know what to say. When i was married i tried having family prayer, scripture study,, eat as a family, and FHE etc.i even married a returned missionary which my mom did not. Those werent the good feel moments i thoughr they would be. Of course as i said my marriage ended. After marriage. I tried to incorperate what i could after my husband left. I enjoyed the feeling i got doing the things I could with my kids. Some things maybe even alot of things did die off as time went one i think because of my faith crisis. We do somevthings still. Really though i wrote before, my testimony struggles at times. i guess as time keeps going that part gets harder. I used to love chuch music and even back before i was married when i would feel tention in my home life i would listen to church music. I guess a part of me thought that would make things better. i thought boy the church has to be true with this kind of music. I loved the music even up until recently. I started thinking was it the words i liked or was it just the buatiful sound. Ive often liked good music and have some non church related music that i really enjoy. Anyways i have a hard time listening to church music now days. Why am i struggling so much? I even have a hard time reading the scripture because i thought if i applied them in my life all would work out. Its triggery some times. I guess thats why sunday school has been so hard. We are now supposed to study at home before class. I havent been doing it. Ive been going to sacrament mostly to hold my temple recommend and because my family thinks of me as an active member. I hate saying that because until my fsith crisis began i thought that was a dumb and irrisponsable reson to go to church. Some times i do go for my spiritualalty, whatever that means. Im not quite sure. Sorry i have so much more to say but am glad this place is here. Any words of support and wisdaom would be great.
