[Haven]

You are of great worth period. Have you thought about counseling or are you getting counseling now? I can suggest a group that works specifically with the issues you’ve mentioned. Every Man’s Battle and Women in the Battle are Christian workshops that help those who struggle with self esteem and sexual issues. You can google either one and find out about them. They are put on by New Life Ministries. This is what they do all the time and they help people understand that they’re not weak or bad. They don’t use guilt or shame. They help people heal their wounds. But even if you don’t choose them I hope you will take steps to work on your depression and self worth. Also, be careful with sexting. Even though you may delete the pics immediately they can still be retrieved. Been through this with high school students.

[Haven]

Hi University,

Exactly what you said. It weighs heavy on my mind too, and I wonder about the necessity of saving ordinances. Are they necessary and if so, why? Very few people will receive them in this life. Why would they need them in the next life? I have been through the temple but I’ve never been married. So does this mean I will be a servant angel to a polygamous god in heaven? 😯 Still working on answers to this.

I don’t think it’s pride to take your own spiritual journey. When we’ve been hurt or even feel damaged by the church there’s a lot of anger and resentment to work through. I think if we’re honestly searching for answers, truth and healing than it’s not pride. It sounds like you are an honest seeker. 🙂

[Haven]

Thanks for your responses. It’s difficult to not take everything that’s said and written by church leaders as being 100% correct and true. Black and white thinking has really been a problem for me. I’m not very successful at choosing what to believe and not believe without feeling guilty or that God will hold me accountable.

I’m wondering if you believe that temple ordinances are necessary for salvation? Do you believe that those who don’t receive them on earth wait in spirit prison until their work is done? We’re taught that they do and that in the next life it’s harder to accept the Gospel. This doesn’t feel right to me though. None of my family are members and those who have passed on I was told are in prison until they accept. 😥 And if they’ve heard about the Gospel and don’t accept it in this life then they won’t go to the celestial kingdom. D & C 72. So is this an example of when I choose not to believe something and somehow shut off feelings of fear because I’m going against scripture? :crazy: How do you all manage to stay healthy and happy?

[Haven]

I’m not sure I understand where in temple theology it’s clear either, Ray. I guess I’m just trying to understand what God really wants from us, from me. Why is there a checklist in a lesson manual if that’s not what we have to do to get to heaven (exalted)? Why is it all so complicated? Did God really make all these requirements for us or did we make them up? I went back to church for the first time in over a year a couple weeks ago. It was F&T meeting. I did ok- there was only 1 talk that was goofy- and I really want to try to go more often and maybe even go back to the temple. But when I come across basic teachings like this I lose ground. Such a battle….

[Haven]

Thanks mom3 for your well wishes. I’m a little nervous about going back but hopefully this will be a good move for me.

DB – I agree that grace is mentioned more often now than when I joined more than 20 years ago. I haven’t been in church for over a year so maybe there’s more of a focus than I realize. I hope so. I love the subject of grace. When I left grace was still thought of as something only the righteous receive. At least in my stake and ward. The youth I taught didn’t even recognize grace when I taught it.

[Haven]

There are women and young girls in my area that wear the full niqab. If covering the head shows faith then going even further and covering the entire body except for the eyes shows greater faith. The body is private and not to be shown. In some ways the church is very similar in how and what it teaches about modesty for women and girls. Modesty is a good thing IMO, but the way it’s handled and what is considered modest and immodest is not helpful. I teach high school and I do get tired of seeing my girls hanging out. I ask them to cover up when it’s just too distracting. But there’s a proper way of handling it. Privately and with respect without judging.

[Haven]

Thank you for your thoughts, Ray and Roy. Ray, I like how you interpret the “deny yourselves of all ungodliness” verse. That’s a view that I can buy into. Thank you.

Roy, thanks for validating my concern. This is the first article I’ve read from a GA in about a year. I’ve avoided the Ensign and all church manuals because I’m so easily upset and super sensitive about the church. I think it’s finally getting a little easier because I only became a little frustrated reading this article instead of angry. Yay! :clap: It was good practice for me because I’m going to try to go to church Sunday. It’s been over a year.

[Haven]

I like that Elder Gong is addressing the topic of perfectionism. I like that he is making an effort to encourage those of us who consistently feel unacceptable to God or unworthy. I wish it was more of a focus in the church. For the few times I hear that mistakes are allowed and we don’t need to be perfect, there are a thousand more times I hear words like, unworthy, weak, keep all the commandments, unclean.

He talks about God’s grace and his love being freely given but then uses the scripture in Moroni that teaches the grace of God is only sufficient after we deny ourselves of all ungodliness and love God with all our might and mind. To me this means it is very hard to receive God’s grace. I’ve heard other talks from GA’s that teach God’s grace is very difficult to attain. Grace is God’s mercy. At what point is it no longer mercy if we have to be completely righteous before we can enjoy it?

[Haven]

Hi there,

It seems like many of the issues you’re dealing with could be due to the depression. I’ve been there and it helps to have a good counselor and medication if needed. Prayer and faith can both be an important part of healing but usually depression takes professional help to be controlled or cured. Support groups can also help. Newlife Ministries is a Christian based organization that specializes in everything from depression and anger to pornography addictions. Everyman’s Battle and Healing is a Choice are both part of that group. They are very good at helping individuals heal. Depression can warp our perspectives and I’ve found it easier to feel God when my depression is under control. I wish you the very best as you work through this.

[Haven]

Hi,

I haven’t posted for a very long time, but when I read your intro today I decided to comment. I’m a convert and single woman, never been married. One thing that has helped me is to visit teach. It’s helped me make connections with women. Of course they’re all married and sometimes it’s hard, but I enjoy visiting and helping in that way. I do pay tithing because I feel it goes to a good cause. I’m not attending church at this time because what I’ve learned about God from the church is not helpful right now. I don’t feel acceptable to God when I go to church. I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I hope that you will hang tough and that this site will be a support to you.

[Haven]

I recently read in National Geographic that all human DNA can be traced to one woman in Africa, who they named Eve. I think it’s amazing they’ve been able to trace us to one woman. How cool is this! A little ironic though since the church was so racist against blacks and Eve could have very well been black

[Haven]

I think it’s very common to feel nauseated at distressing news. I’ve felt like that and for me it happens even when the news isn’t that distressing. The body can react in many different ways to trauma or difficult experiences.

[Haven]

Hi and welcome,

I’m so sorry for what you are dealing with. I love this site because it is a safe place where people understand and are non judgmental. Mental illness is such a difficult trial and sometimes there isn’t the right kind of support in the LDS church. I’m in recovery from anorexia and self harm and honestly the culture of the church makes the conditions worse for me at this time. I hope someday I can return to the LDS church but for now it’s damaging. What I’ve learned is that God doesn’t directly heal mental illness in most cases. He uses other people and medications, therapy to heal us. For example, this site is in many ways an answer to my prayers. I’ve found a support group that understands. Another group that is incredible is New life ministries. They have so much knowledge and experience about healing. Their specialty is working with those with addictions and mental health issues. I have felt God working through them to help me heal. The website is newlife.com. Steve Arterburn is the pastor. I believe healing is possible but it takes the right people and I do believe God helps us to find the right people. I didn’t grow up in the LDS church but I have been a member for over 20 years. I’ve heard over the pulpit that if we are righteous we will be happy and despair cometh from iniquity. It’s easy to believe then that if someone suffers from depression or for what other reason isn’t happy it’s their fault. Or if we have severe challenges we’ve done something wrong. I have known too many good people who suffer to believe these words. I hope you will find healing for yourself and peace in your journey.

[Haven]

Hi and welcome. I think you will find many people here who can help and understand. I have found the culture of the church to be the most difficult thing for me as well. There is doctrine too that I question but most of my frustration is with the culture and the shame I feel. The members of my ward are very nice but I leave feeling very much alone and like I’m invisible. I think I probably am fairly invisible because I’m a single woman in my 40’s and a convert. I don’t fit the mold at all. I’m still in the middle of my crisis/journey so my advice may not be very helpful but I’ll share what has helped me. I try to recognize that the church culture has little to do with God and I need to build a relationship with Him that’s not based on church. It has helped me to continue to pray and read the bible every day. I’ve talked with safe people about it and this has helped. I love the idea of getting a huge tattoo and piercing my ears and nose as well! :clap: It’s tempting! Hang in there, it gets better.

[Haven]

Not long after I was baptized I remember President Benson emphasizing the Book of Mormon over the Bible. He said the Book of Mormon was not being studied as it should be. I don’t know if this is when the emphasis really began or not as I was new in the church at the time. Much later I remember President Hinkley re-emphasizing its importance and challenging members to read the BOM daily. In my stake it seems the Bible is hardly referred to at all. The youth read and study from the BOM. At least this is what it was like up until a year ago when I stopped attending church. Don’t know if it’s changed since then.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

[Author]

Posts