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I guess, for me, StayLDS is much like some of the Ex-Mo groups that I have been involved with. In those groups, we don’t spend a ton of time debating topics or shaming leaders but instead we trade stories and seek support. We all have a story to tell, all of them are sacred, unique and important. We are all Brother and Sisters here and even in this semi anonymous setting, I feel connections to many. I have been through a lot in this church. I’ve been in, out, in, out and now dipping my feet in once again. This time, I am participating as a StayLDS/”Make Do” kind of thought pattern. This church isn’t perfect, the people are really not perfect (far, far from it).. but that doesn’t mean it can’t be helpful. I’m discovering how to exist in the church in a way that works for my mental health and family needs. I pretty much want to be like Jesus and be a congregation of 1. I won’t be as good as Jesus, but I can be good enough.
StayLDS is a community, even if it is loose. I appreciate that it is still here. I look forward to being a bigger contributor in the future!
I have some experience with this. My “LDS Home” is outside of the Stake, in a Ward that is more working class (which is the type of people I get along with best). I try to go there every month but there are often time that I miss for one reason or another. Out of all the places I go, the LDS Ward doesn’t really miss me as I am pretty much a ghost there. It has it’s advantages, I can go as a consumer instead of being in management with a calling. It’s a bad way of looking at it, but in my current state I cannot handle any more. With all of that said, this rule should be more flexible, especially for those who have had unfair trauma like myself. I would never dream of asking to have my records moved, but it makes a lot of sense in my case. I’ve been physically and verbal abused in my Ward and I was threatened with Bishop’s Court (wrongfully) at another local Ward. Sometimes you need a fresh start. The house can be in order and still solve problems that impact the needs of the people.
Sometimes we inhabit a temporary space while in transition. I appreciate having this space here to post and be in community. I don’t know anyone here in person, but I feel that we are all brothers and sisters trying the best we can. Thank you for your service to us all!
Transparency is a step in the right direction. No more looking for the secret version though. The hunt for it was more fun than having it. That has happened to me before. Sorry about your lost time. Maybe it was divine influence? :thumbup: :angel: Regardless, welcome to the site.SamBee wrote:
DarkJedi wrote:
I tend to decide pretty early if I’m going to listen to a speaker or not, and it’s very dependent on what they say and how they present themselves in the first minute or two. Honestly if the first line is something like “The bishop caught me in the hall last week even though I was trying to hide from him because I knew he was looking for speakers…” I tune out right then.
My red flags are:
* “I was asked to talk on…” – Sounds begrudging
* “The Bible/… Dictionary defines X as” – a good speech doesn’t need that. Use your own words!
I also switch off often when they talk about families, marriage or children. I don’t hate children, I actually quite like them up to a point, but I’m a single man so they aren’t part of my own life at the moment, and I don’t have much to do with them because of that. These talks also rub my nose in my failure to marry and have kids.
I also struggle with topics that are not applying to me. Nothing is more boring and loathful for me to listen to than talks on Temple attendance, temple stories, families can be together forever or even worse, social issues. I have endured them all over the years, tune out almost immediately. My family won’t be together forever, I don’t have a TR and only been once and I don’t care about your social stances. Prideful talk and preaching to the choir doesn’t help investigators and those who will never have all those great experiences that TBMs have.
I think sacrament meeting, in particular, should be taylored to people who are investigators, those who struggle and basic stories of Jesus Christ. No inside baseball talks, no terms that people outside of the community won’t understand and absolutely no talk of social issues. Basics should be talked about in terms that even Senior Primary would understand.
As a country and a LDS community, we are woefully uninformed about Jesus Christ’s ministry and time on the earth. I recently attended a Elder’s Q meeting where the High Priest said that he never read the New Testament and he was in his 60’s. He reads the Book of Mormon regularly and has read it cover to cover many times, but the Bible he just recently did. Amazing.. I don’t think I would admit that in public but it helped with his message (I guess…).
:problem: Quote:Yes, Elder Oaks was speaking about SSM at the time of this statement. However, I can’t help but think that some of the same sentiment permeates the situation DJ describes. That by submitting to church policy and attending where we are told,
we are furthering the kingdom and plan of God as well as preparing ourselves for a heavenly existence where obedience is paramount. What kind of existence is this? Why did God give us personalities? What about the below?
Quote:Lucifer and his followers wanted salvation to come automatically to all who passed through mortality, without regard to individual preference, agency, or voluntary dedication (
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bd/war-in-heaven?lang=eng Seems to me that our obedience takes away our individual preferences, agency and voluntary dedication. I don’t mind following rules, I uphold rules, but there has to be a little give and take. We make the church great by participating as a part of the body. Sometimes people just have needs and there has to be a decent reason to forgo the rules for unique circumstances, especially when it comes to bullying. People wrong us, there is no reason to be in a place where bad things have happened. It’s like going to McDonald’s and getting food poisoning.. would you go back to that McDonald’s after or would you go somewhere else?
As someone else that doesn’t care for my assigned Ward, I can really sympathize. I am hoping that one day, this obsolete and unnecessary micro managing of members will be a thing of the past. At the very least, leaders should be good shepherds and do whatever it takes to keep people active and happy. Red tape and demands never grow faith, it grows resentment and possibly hate. Would they rather lose an active, believing family over policy and tradition?
Quote:The hard part is that at some point it doesn’t feel the middle way is supported anywhere except in your heart. But then again, maybe that is the point. Maybe we are to learn to go inwards and trust our instincts and impressions instead of having others validate us.
Maybe if God provided the Golden Community…we would be robbed of the struggle to create our own?
Validation by others.. I have some experience with that too. As someone who is a bit awkward in church settings, I looked for validation elsewhere. I am a car guy and participated heavy in car forums very similar to this place. I kept buying things for my cars, posting about it online, uploading updates to CarDomain, reading comments.. blah blah blah. I got validation there from the comments, thumbs ups at car meets, whatever.. After awhile, I figured out that having a car was fun but all it was doing was feeding my ego. It was the only time in my life where I was “cool” but much of those relationships were as shallow as a the church ones. Eventually, I quit posting (forums are passe anyway) and I sold the last car last April after 11 years of ownership. Now I am normal person with 4 cars instead of 5, one for each driver in my household (we have limited mass transit options here).
I was also validated by CofC online people.. I used to think I was cool there too. I helped by posting things often on the FB groups that were testimony and faith promoting. People liked my post, sometimes by the dozens and gave me such praise. After 4-5 years participating in FB groups and contributing, I found out that people aren’t real friends and I am not a value to them. I removed the groups from my FB feed and focused my energy on the people locally.
I was recently given an opportunity to serve CofC in their local equivalent of a Stake (Mission Center) and will be sustained within the next couple of weeks. I will be traveling to local congregations as an ambassador for the Mission Center, offering assistance and preaching once in awhile. All of the congregations are in my area and have relationships with them already. I didn’t agree to it because I wanted to move up the ranks, I did it because it works with my personal mission. That mission is to build relationships, remind people that God knows and loves them and to be a blessing to people individually. That mission transcends churches and is not tied to anyone but myself. I’m giving this a year to see if it does further my mission and am not afraid to step away if it doesn’t.
That golden community that checks all the boxes doesn’t exist. I don’t have a testimony of the One-True-Church other than the one that exists in my heart. Church is community and helps organize people to do (hopefully) good things for their neighbors. It is up to us to be patient with one another, look for the good in organizations and build your own faith and testimony with the tools that you have. Your church “tool” might not be the right shape or dull, but it can be used to create something new. There are inspired but flawed people running these organizations, it is up to everyone to use their brains and either keep or discard whatever is being presented. I’ve learned all of this being out here in the Boarderlands and they are just as valid as anyone else’s experience in the church.
DarkJedi wrote:
Quote:I’m looking forward to the Sunday after New Years.. I’ll be disappointed if we don’t sing “Ring Out, Wild Bells” .. Love that one! I’ll even risk having to sit through F&T meeting in order to sing it.
Just goes to show you can’t please all the people all the time. I dislike that song and hope they remove it.
:thumbdown: SamBee wrote:
Rumin8 wrote:
SamBee wrote:
On the downside, the counselor who chooses the hymns has very different musical taste to me. Some LDS hymn I love are never sung, and some of the ones I hate get sung regularly.
As a BP, we just discussed pulling our music director aside with instructions to “keep it to the hits” with hymn selection.
😆
He’s a great guy, but honestly we sing “Nearer my God to thee” at least once a month, and I always associate that hymn with the poor folk going down with the Titanic.
One of ones that I like – “The Morning Breaks” – never gets sung in our ward at all.
I’m looking forward to the Sunday after New Years.. I’ll be disappointed if we don’t sing “Ring Out, Wild Bells” .. Love that one! I’ll even risk having to sit through F&T meeting in order to sing it.
I enjoyed this talk and wish that we could hear more from Uchtdorf. I am not a big fan of the Hobbit series but I would love to hear him draw comparisons on the Star Wars Universe and the Gospel. Maybe I should send him some DVDs and some expanded universe stuff to get him started? By the way, I’ll be posting a mega blog entry on Star Wars and the church sometime in the future.
That was the first thing I noticed when looking at the questions. As a never-garment wearer, I don’t fully grasp wearing them but I would imagine any kind of relief would be welcomed.
