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Welcome! I loved your intro and related to so much of what you said. I am in my mid 50 ‘ s and hail from cali, although I have lived in utah for the past 22 years. My faith awakening began about 2 years ago and I was the second to last to get on board in our family of seven. My husband and our 5 children have all had different journeys which have led to the same outcome, that of non belief in the church or the gospel. I love your enthusiasm and your authenticity and hope you share more if your ongoing journey.
I have felt the need to learn how to pray all over again. Once I took a step back from the church I saw how my prayers had become so wordy and beautiful, carefully choosing each word. I stopped praying outloud for a long time and instead began pondering and being more introspective. It was awhile before I didn’t feel ‘guilty’ somehow for not praying as I had for so many years. I told my family I don’t know how to pray anymore. I’m finding my own way to pray that feels so much more real and authentic to me. I want to thank you all for your thoughts, personal experiences, and ideas. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to me through your heartfelt words. What an amazing group of friends. :wave: I keep reading and rereading each of your comments. It’s as if you are part of this huge jigsaw puzzle I am putting together and I don’t know what the final picture or scene looks like. I am warming up to the idea that it really is okay that I don’t know what it all looks like anymore, and that anything is really possible. Anything! I think that is part of the mind blowing experience for me.
🙂 My faith journey officially began in May 2013 when I was working on a school project with my 13 year old son. I think the seeds had been planted long before then, but they began sprouting at that time. I reside in the midst of a forest now.
I feel so free. I feel as if I am stepping out of a black & white movie into a world of color I never before knew existed.
TheOtherHeber, I hung onto every word and felt every emotion. Thank you for sharing your journey and being so open. I loved this article. Thanks for posting it. In my experience, the LDS Church really isn’t a safe place to be totally & completely human, nor to be completely honest & open. It actually seems to backfire, at least in my experience that has been the case. And I am not talking about being blatantly hostile and negative. I have journeyed down the road less traveled in many ways (home birthing and home schooling our five children) during my life, and within the walls of the church where one would expect to find unconditional love and acceptance, I was instead cornered in the hallways by angry parents and concerned Bishops. I learned to accept that I could not talk openly about many things at church,which by the way has nothing to do with me distancing myself from the church at present. I just really liked this article and really related to it.
I just wanted to add a little here as well. I stopped wearing my garments, attending the Temple, and paying tithing within the past six months. I remember when my world began to unravel..there were many tears and the feeling of, “If not this, then what?” You are not alone. Finding this site was a Godsend and it has helped me SO much, knowing there are others traveling a similar path as mine. Elder Uchtdorf – I love the way he addressed those who are honestly seeking for truth, and, using their agency sometimes find themselves out of the church. He was so eloquent and I am simply paraphrasing. However, the portion of his talk that addressed this was beautiful. Ray, thank you for including his words. Beautiful, just beautiful.
MayB, I feel as if you have been visiting my heart and mind, as everything you said we, too, have been contemplating.Our youngest of five children is 14, so we are not in the same place as you are in that way, however. Once I began giving a voice to my concerns and opening up to our family about them (quite timidly at first to ‘test the waters’), I discovered each and every one of them were having similar challenges with the Church. This came as both a surprise and a relief to me; a relief because it opened up a new conversation within our family, and a new honesty & openness has resulted.
I don’t know when or if I will ever return to full activity in the Church. I feel as if a huge, heavy, cumbersome weight has been lifted off my shoulders (although I never saw it before I took a step back). I am seeing with new eyes and hearing with new ears. My spirit is soaring.
I know what you mean about wearing your garments. I, too, took my garments off (after 34 years of wearing them faithfully, night and day). I can’t imagine ever putting them on again.
I still pray and search the scriptures and ask the Lord for guidance in my journey. I think that is where you will find the answers that are right for you and your family. For us, it has been a process – and we are still in the ‘figuring out what it looks like for us’ stage of the journey.
I think it is awesome you are taking today to go on a hike with your family, making memories and building relationships.
Sending prayers and thoughts you way, MayB.
Haven, thank you for your introduction. I can relate on so many levels. SilentDawning, loved your response. :clap: It is so heartwarming to jump on here and find others who are feeling and experiencing things similar to me. I feel I am among friends.
🙂 Ray, you are one of my favorites as I lurk in the shadows on this site. May God truly be with you and your family. I have been trying to respond to this question for the past ten minutes, and have erased each response I have written. I have been attempting to explain how great I have felt since taking my garments off, something I never would have imagined myself doing, ever. Up until a couple of months ago, I had worn them faithfully since taking out my endowments in 1979 in preparation for my mission.
Looking back over the years, I have made my share of mistakes while wearing my garments. I have also done many great things while wearing them. I have sinned. I have been kind, angry, obedient, disobedient, loving, charitable, etc.
In my unexpected journey, perhaps one of the greatest joys I have discovered is the fact that I am still me without wearing my garments. I still seek for and feel the spirit.
So, no, I don’t think garment wearing made me a better person.
Now that I think about it, it has only been about two weeks since I stopped wearing them. It seems like a lot longer! I took my garments off about a month ago. Never thought I would EVER do this. This past month has been so freeing!!!! Why did I take them off? That’s a loaded question…and it’s hard to put into words.
I feel so happy. So carefree. And it’s not just because of the garments; it has to do with a lot of things. I like where I am.
Quote:Very few people actually lie about stuff like religion and their beliefs. I try very, very hard to be careful about throwing that charge out there – especially generically and in an all-encompassing manner by use of the infamous “they”. My doing that is as much a “lie” as anything most of “them” have said – since that charge simply isn’t accurate for most of “them”.
I’ve said in multiple threads that we need to be very careful about calling people liars simply because they see things differently than we do. We would scream if someone did it to us, so we shouldn’t be doing it others – generally.
Ray, you are right about this. Thanks for the kind reminder.
🙂
