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church0333 – No, I never thought I was deceiving anyone, because I truly believed in the information I had studied my entire life. Having found out only recently that it wasn’t all of the information…well, that is what is bothering me and the fact that all of these missionaries going out into the world are teaching things, like Joseph Smith translated the plates while they were physically in the same room with him. Telling people that Joseph Smith instead put his head in a hat and looked at a stone as the way he received the writings of the Book of Mormon, while not appealing and seemingly ridiculous, at least it is factual. Let us decide for ourselves after giving us a full disclosure. As a missionary, I was ill prepared to deal with some of the questions I was asked, and looking back I’m very surprised at the answers I gave investigators about such topics as Blacks and the Priesthood. I went out in 1979 so the revelation was quite new, which was wonderful in my mission because we taught of lot of Haitians. I think I said something about fence sitters in the pre-mortal existence. I told one Catholic man that he belonged to the great and abominable church of the devil and even showed him scriptures in the Book of Mormon to back that up!
😮 I am certain the Lord has quite the sense of humor and makes up the difference for our honest attempts.I suppose what it all boils down to is this: I am so thankful for my experiences in the Church and the choices I made because of my membership in the Church. But because of my recent studying, I am taking a step back and figuring out, prayerfully, what it is I now believe. There are so many dimensions to being a member of the Church; it is all encompassing. What do I want my life to look like at this point and into the future? I am taking it really slow. I tend to have moments when I feel like screaming.
:crazy: That is why I decided to temporarily disappear. I did not want to jump into a new ward at this point. Up until now, I have always jumped into the ward and stake with everything I have…so this is quite foreign to me. But I must say, it feels really, really, really good. Unwinding and peeling back layers of onion, as it were, has been really good for my soul and for my relationships.I love the Saviour and continue seeking His guidance.
Out of our family of seven, three of us continue to go to church on a regular basis. Now, having said that, as of two weeks ago a chunk of our ward was put into another ward (we are in that chunk), and I have taken this opportunity to disappear for a little while. This can mean anything from going to different wards anonymously, attending different churches altogether, or simply doing something else as a family. I have asked all of our children what they think about what is happening and what I am going through. Truth is, four of them have been experiencing doubts for quite awhile, but have not spoken to me about these doubts until recently. They are so surprised but really happy that I am where I am. We are not quite sure where this journey is leading, but know one thing for sure, It is bringing all of us closer together.
My husband has been inactive (yes, I said ‘inactive’ instead of the politically correct ‘less active’
It is important to understand that we have been one of THE families people have looked up to and have counted on through the years. We have been active, did everything we were asked to do, have been active in our community, etc. I know our friends would be SO surprised and taken back if they knew what was happening in our lives, especially to me.
Last night my husband said, as if speaking to the General Authorities, “We gave our whole life to you (the church) and you deceived us! We went on missions teaching and testifying to people what we thought was the truth. We have sacrificed and served our entire lives. We have given everything…and you couldn’t give us the truth?” He hit the nail on the head for me. I am not angry, I am flabbergasted. I feel I have come out of the Matrix.
wayfarer – could be we know each other. Small world. I was too young for the all church dance festivals, but got to do a couple of the dance festivals at the Rose Bowl in the mid 70’s. “My oldest son, only 9 years old, is already feeling the pressure to go on a mission from primary and from his grandparents as well. It’s been a source of anxiety and stress for him already! Reassuring him that he can still grow up to be a good man and that we will still love him if he doesn’t go on a mission has been a challenge. I keep telling him that he doesn’t have to make that decision now, but then he gets the opposite message from church and gets upset all over again. I’m glad to hear that you love and support your sons.” May, I really feel for you. In my prior Stake, 30% of all the missionaries who leave on missions are coming back early – for a variety of reasons. Anxiety and depression top the list of why they come home…and then they get to deal with the stigma attached to them of coming home early…
With all of the research I have jam packed into the past month and a half, the thing that continues to stand out to me like a glaring neon sign are the millions of people who never have and never will hear about the LDS church while they are living on the earth. No amount of missionary work will remedy this. That being said, I do believe in miracles. I just don’t think I believe there is a one and ONLY true church anymore…
