[HSAB]

Old-Timer wrote:

Quote:

This is going WAY out into the hinterlands of heterodoxy, but I personally wouldn’t have a problem with sewing the symbols onto the inside of our regular clothing – bras, shirts, pants, shorts, etc. and doing away with the garment as a separate piece of clothing. I’m not about to advocate that, for multiple reasons, and I won’t do it for myself, since I personally am fine wearing the garment as is, but it’s the symbolism that counts, imo – so I am open to just about anything that retains that symbolism, especially in cases like yours.

I was actually talking to a friend of mine who said she’s thinking about doing that. I think it’s actually not a bad idea, in general it makes a lot of sense to me.

red1988 wrote:

HSAB,

I too am on a road to recovery from an eating disorder. I have managed to maintain my weight restoration for the past year and a half. The garments are pretty triggering for me as well. I feel self conscious about the way I look and it certainly does not help having two waist lines. For me I keep wearing the garments mainly because I like the symbolism. I also find it really comforting to wear the garments. I was endowed during the worst point of my eating disorder and maybe the garments had nothing to do with it but I found some protection while I was trying to get myself out of hell. Right now I keep wearing the garments mainly because of habit and because for me I know that I need to keep doing uncomfortable things that are triggering in order to achieve a full recovery. I am not sure if this was helpful, but if you have any other questions for me I would be happy to help you out.

Good for you! It is so hard, but a year and a half is really good! I’m glad that you find it comforting to wear the garments, hopefully it will keep getting better for you.

[HSAB]

Thank you, and I’m sorry you’re also struggling with this

[HSAB]

Ok, thanks. I always hear people defend that by saying, ‘but only when they are speaking for God and not for themselves.’ I’ve never really understood that defense, it seems to be a somewhat giant contradiction.

[HSAB]

Ray, that is a great quote! I would love to see the people’s faces when that is used. There’s really no arguing with it.

[HSAB]

that one is quite full and wobbly right now: Proposition 8 (P8), the 14 fundamentals (14F), and benevolent sexism (BS) are way too much for that shelf to handle so I’m a bit worried if ‘staying’ is really sustainable.

This feels like a naive question, but what are the 14 fundamentals?

[HSAB]

Yes, absolutely. For me, I have to just work out once a day as part of my routine, not have a scale in my house (right now I do, but I keep the battery in my car so it’s a lot of effort to get to it.) and I can’t wear anything that makes me feel fat at all. Those are my coping tools. Being sick is really difficult for me, I feel fat everyday I don’t work out even if I’m not eating much.

I love that comparison, it’s really true. I have a few other friends who have been going through similar things. They just feel guilty every day. One friend told me she spends hours trying to find clothes she feels good in over her garments and then feels guilty that she’s not spending time with her baby. I think that it’s really hard for people to understand that it has so much more to do with how we feel than what we actually look like. After talking with them I just started thinking that there must be some other way, or some other symbol because a loving heavenly father wouldn’t want us to feel that way for the rest of our lives.

I’m feeling a lot better about only wearing the tops, but I do still worry about the judgement of others. I don’t want to explain to everyone, but I don’t like pretending to do something that I’m not. I guess I need to get a thicker skin and just deal with the judgement. ( The VPL can be a scandal at church

I know I’ve said this a lot I am really glad I came to this website!

[HSAB]

I love this video! I re-posted on my facebook wall.

[HSAB]

There is some great stuff on here, I am so glad I came to this website! I really appreciate all of your comments!

So, first, I have discussed this in great depth with my fiance. Of the two of us I am the more “Mormon” one. He was just starting to come back to church when we started dating (we’ve been together 1 1/2 years) and he would honestly prefer if I did not wear them, although he tries his best to be supportive and make me feel like it will be ok. He is much better than I am at just not letting the things that he doesn’t really believe in get to him, but I always want to fight the issue. I think this is a huge reason why I’ve stayed so strong over the years. I question and argue the issue until I come to some sort of peace with it. The temple and garments are hard for me because I am committing to something-but I don’t know what I’m committing to-except garments. And for me that means committing to feeling bad about myself and my body for the rest of my life, or feeling bad about not keeping the promises I’ve made, or finally, feeling bad that my future family is not sealed. The tops are much easier for me, (although I still don’t like them because my shoulders are my favorite body part.) but the bottoms play into my body image way too much. When I look at myself in the mirror in them I see a fat, thick gross body. My legs are my trouble areas. Since the mental impact of eating disorders are never “cured” I am so scared I’ll fall back into that. My fiance is ok with me wearing the tops and him wearing the bottoms and since we are “one” we can rationalize that we are wearing them everyday. I actually prayed about just wearing the tops and that’s the first time I’ve felt peace about going to the temple. I felt like it was important that I go, even if I never wore my garments again. So, technically I have my answer…but then it’s hard for me, having been the strong one my whole life to suddenly become the “luke warm Mormon” overnight. So I still feel conflicted. I almost feel like God is more ok with what I might do (or not do) than I am.

Second, this whole situation is making me question the core of my beliefs. When I said that I believe in the book of Mormon and the power of the priesthood it was because that’s what I’m sure I believe in (As far as Mormonism goes.). But this is making me question almost everything else. I don’t believe that garments need to be what they are. If they did they would not have changed since they were originally made. So to me, the thought of feeling unattractive for the rest of my life because someone decided that our symbol of commitment should be (mens) underwear-it just doesn’t hold up. That thought process is causing me to question the other things that I have issues with, and I just wonder how Mormon I really want to be. It’s also hard for me because I am SUCH and open person, but if I want to stay active in the church I almost feel like I need to keep my questions and concerns to myself.

Third, I have never been a fan (although I appreciate the comments and thought) of the whole “wear regular underwear when you want to feel sexy/have sex” thing. Is it bad that as a woman I would like to feel sexy everyday, and not just when I’m having sex? No one even sees them right now, but it still helps me feel sexy everyday when I put on my cute underwear. Maybe this is shallow, but it’s honest.

Bridget_Night, can I ask you what your experience has been like with choosing not to wear them anymore?

[Author]

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