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This is an interesting question, one that perplexes me a bit. I agree 100% that each of us is entitled to our own revelation and we are each prophets. However, in my experience, church doctrine is “if my personal revelation differs with the direction handed down from “the brethren”, then I had better get in line”. In other words, revelation is received at the top level and we are entitled more to “confirmation” rather than differing “revelation”. Many would argue that we do not have a right to filter when it comes to many doctrines in the church. For example (maybe a poor one, but here goes), a woman in my ward went to the temple and received revelation/inspiration/direction/whatever that she should divorce her husband. All I heard from my bishop in a casual conversation regarding the situation was this same mantra regarding revelation…and the insinuation she was, therefore, “wrong” or “deceived”. I feel strongly that it is not my place, nor is it my desire to judge any individual for the decisions they make or the way they come to those decisions. Who am I to say what the future holds or that things will not work out perfectly despite the pain and anguish this particular woman is putting her children and husband through currently? All I can do is love her…I may not agree but I certainly respect her for having the courage to stand up for her beliefs in the face of some serious social pressure.
And I am committed to being authentic and true to myself as I go forward in my relationship with authority in the church. Right or wrong, this is the only way I have been able to acheive a level of peace and fulfillment in staying. This above all: to thine own self be true.
LaLaLove wrote:Yesterday I had a wonderful thought-I’m not struggling. There is nothing wrong with me, I don’t need to be fixed, I am not struggling or confused …. It’s not that I’m not ready, or will ever be available to be ready (to recieve the gospel or church) … I’m not broken.
I’m absolutely normal and I am happy … and I’m certainly not struggling!
Now I just need to learn how to not take personal offense when there is somone who “thinks” I’m in some lonely, confused, struggling state!
I love this, it is perfect. My wife has told me several times in the last couple weeks that some of her/our friends who know about my journey have asked her about my status and have expressed concern or sorrow about it. I know these people are sincere and there was a time when that may have been exactly how I felt, but life is so much better now. But now I just have to laugh! My motives for doing everything are on a higher plane because I am at absolute choice and accountability only to myself. Hanging in there, not needing all the answers, being free to think and feel for myself is such an empowering place to be. Porter, your patience will pay off as you proceed with love. LLL, thanks for sharing your joy today!
“At the beginning of my studies, I shared some things with my wife, and some of my doubts. She was devastated, and started crying, saying I was taking her husband from her. That was very hard for me. Since then I’ve kept things pretty much to myself..” Been there several times Porter. My wife and I can now speak very openly and lovingly about these issues. Letting her know I am absolutely committed to her and our kids has been huge. She knows that I will never leave her alone in the church. I don’t bring up “issues” unless she asks, she knows I respect her desire to remain TBM. She realizes that people change, people grow, that the process has benefitted my life tremendously. She often asks me now what I believe about *any topic here*. Often my answer is “I don’t know, I am wide open to all the possibilities”. I am realizing she is more curious and thinks deeper than I gave her credit for. She recognizes the compassion and love I have developed for those around me.
Sharing with your wife will be scary and have it’s bumpy spots, but you will feel so much closer to her as you trust her to know who you really are. Being genuinely better, treating her and others better than ever before will go a long way towards softening her heart.
Glad to have you on the board here. Your story could be mine. Look forward to growing together.
Love this concept…I have pondered along these lines many times in the past year. Ray, your point is well taken here. Why wait until our fathers/mothers/those who have offended are literally dead? There is so much healing that be created as we love in a Christ-like way right NOW! This type of love has no expectation, no conditions. As I have cast off the expectations and conditional love I had for myself I have been able to move forward and stop blaming and being a victim. I no longer seek to control my relationships, just accept what the other person gives and realize it is the best they have at this point in time. My children recognize this now as well…as my heart has turned to them they are becoming free to BE who they really are and act out of love rather than fear. This understanding that we are all connected is so beautiful!
This is a great discussion, thanks for expanding on the previous thread! I feel strongly that being “out” I important…that being authentic is vital to mental and spiritual health. That said, someone in the initial throes of stage 4 may not even know who they are or what authentic is! Many of us who based our whole lives on the church and our place in it have a huge part of our identity ripped away, thus the confusion, depression, etc… Reconstructing or rediscovering my identity (my real identity!) has taken time, study, prayer, conversations with those I trust, therapy, support from this forum. My identity is a growing, morphing creation that I now love and see as a gift. But there was a time when my constructed world fell to pieces.
Bottom line is…in the initial stages of doubt, confusion and identity crisis…go SLOW. Being out in that space can be very unsafe for yourself, loved ones and even your journey. Feel your way gently through this time. Feel carefully for those you can trust. Approach each new situation (TR expiring, telling a spouse or friend) gently and with caution. Again, great thread. Posting from my phone here so excuse any errors!
