[Is it real]

My faith crisis found me as well. I always stayed away from looking for answers about certain things that bothered because I didn’t want to be swayed by “non-believers”. I just accidently found answers to some things that I had been struggling with for a long time and that started an amazing journey for me. Right now I am at peace with my feelings about the church. I rarely attend because I just can’t deal with the dogma and I really do feel that the Mormon church was buiilt on a very sandy foundation after Joseph Smith died. I’ve been a member all my life and very active until Covid happened. I was doing my own gospel studying and I built a stonger relationship with Christ than ever before. That’s when I started finding answers that seriously shocked me at first. After all the emotions of anger, feeling betrayed, sadness and loss, I finally started feeling happy and excited about letting go of all the things that made me feel like I would never be good enough. Even tho I still try to be Christ like in all I do, I now do it because I want to, not because I’ll have to answer to my bishop, my ministering coordinator, or my Stake President. I don’t feel a need to go to the Temple ever again, I don’t feel the need to pay tithing to a church that has billions, and I wish that I could tell Emma Smith how sorry I am for believing things about her that are just not true.

I don’t hate the church and I don’t have bad feelings about it any more. I didn’t leave the church so I could “do things and not feel guilty” or any of those other things that “strong members” think of people who leave the church when they decide that it no longer fits thier needs (I used to think the same way, unfortunatly.) But I am happier, more confindent, more a peace with who I am now than I have ever been and i feel so free!

One more thing: it’s such a relief to know, and I feel like I really KNOW that polygamy was never supposed to be part of the true gospel. AND i seroiusly do NOT believe that JS ever practiced it.

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