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I had a chuckle over this topic. As a missionary I always dreaded bringing investigators to fast and testimony meetings. It just gives members a chance to go off, or seem too robotic. I liked to refer to testimony meetings as “open mic” Sundays for the congregation to do as they please. No other church does this that I know of. I have benefited from probably 10% of the testimonies that are ever given during fast and testimony meeting in my entire lifetime. Very recently my ward had a special meeting to discuss the bearing of testimonies, and how it should not be a travelogue, and that it should not be a thanksgiving gratitude session. Nevertheless, I’m sure people will just continue in the way of the average Open Mic Sunday at the local meeting house. Our church is weird in this regard. Truly we are peculiar people with crazy tendencies. I just can’t wait til I hear a young woman start to cry and tell how she loves all her friends because of their experience at girl camp, and how it changed her life. Boy Scouts changed my life; I hate camping now, so there. I learned how to do blue darts, play numerous card games, and play pranks. I don’t think a camping trip in scouts ever helped my testimony to grow, except for the fact that scouts was one of the few areas where non-members could come to church and do church activities without feeling they were a weird Mormon or something.
Quote:he reason I posted this originally was because of the idea that God can lead us down paths that are unique to us
Good, then I can honestly say that God is guiding me on a new path. I have become unemployed and will be pursuing an entirely new career path. I went to the temple twice in a month, which is a record for me and the Lord has ratified my choice; I actually fell guided and I am excited about it. As time progresses I will let you know how it turns out.
Quote:How do I have any motivation to continue my membership in the church? Especially since she is now seeking a temple divorce to open the door for a marriage with her ex-boyfriend, who she has had an emotional affair with over the last year and a half.
First of all, I would like to say I was in your shoes about four years ago. At the time of the divorce you don’t ever think you will get over it, but you will.
Here were the steps I took to help me through my divorce, they might not entirely work for you, but you can at least try some of them at your leisure.
1) I took off from church for almost a month, and spent some time with other family that could at least let me vent my frustration a little.
2) I had to leave my wife (so I don’t know who stayed or left in your situation), but I attended church elsewhere (I hated this, since it was so hard, but every Sunday got a little easier). I only talked to those who were empathetic with me; my new bishop, my Elders Quorum president, etc. I played the new guy on the block; it was up to the leadership to make an effort until I felt comfortable doing more than just attending the meetings. Elders Quorum in my situation actually helped me, I guess I was lucky to have a great quorum. I think it helped by sharing the blame for the D whenever I talked about it. I know I did stuff to screw my marriage up, but at least I know it wasn’t entirely my fault. I think when people realize your human, it is easier to move on from any mistakes.
3) I read the Book of Mormon and the book of Job in the Bible. These scriptures helped me see that divorce, trials, tribulation, are all part of life. Job lost his whole family, yet still stayed true to God and his convictions. The Book of Mormon showed me patterns of Divorce; such as Laman and Lemuel and their family separating themselves from Nephites. The War in Heaven was a type of “Divorce.” Realizing that sometimes when two people don’t get along and they have to separate is a real pattern. It’s easy to look at the other as evil (remember they have agency), and then look at yourself as Victim. In reality no one is a winner, but both people don’t have to be losers either. Resolutions will come (the light will come) you just have to hold on. It has taken me 4 years to overcome most of the pain, and anger that my divorce gave me. Prayer and crying helped too.
4) Do the things you love that your wife didn’t like you to do. I started watching sports like it was out of style. I probably gained weight because I ate ice cream more, and watched more TV.
6) The temple divorce thing: Look, you will have the opportunity to write an essay explaining your take on the divorce to the first presidency when that time comes. You may share your part in it. You may also include the reasons why the other party is divorcing. You can even say your bit about emotional infidelity on her part. Chances are your former will probably remarry in the temple (I did). Nevertheless, you get to write your piece and the First Presidency will consider what you have to say before they just grant a temple divorce and permit her to get sealed again.
7) For awhile I hated the songs: “Love at Home” and “Families Can Be Together For Ever” It is okay to walk out of church to go to the bathroom or something when those songs or song, or close the hymn book. I did this. Focus on those things in church that will get you through the pain; I focused on the savior and thought of how is he able to heal me and see me through all this? I got to know him more; he was rejected, betrayed, left alone. He was misunderstood. You can take it too far sometimes. My former called me a martyred husband, and I just got to the point that I let it roll off my back.
A thing I didn’t do a lot of until the second year which I wish I could have started sooner: Go to a trusted therapist. I avoided it because of the cost, but in hindsight it would have saved me more money through such an expensive and emotional roller coaster anyway. Therapists can help you see things clearly when your darn emotions get in the way.Hope one of these suggestions helps you.
Quote:Maybe it’s time to tell the bishop you are getting burned out in nursery, and set a reasonable deadline for them to find a replacement.
Wow, two years in the nursery I commend you for that. My wife has been in the nursery for about 6 months and already wants to go inactive. The nursery is a hard calling for any ward to staff (at least that has been my experience). It is hard work, you are underpaid (wait you don’t get paid for it; but you probably should). You have to teach 18 month old kids to three yrs old., you are isolated and it’s hard to get anyone to help you. My wife has let me know her concerns and I agree with them. I just don’t like how my wife was told that she would be rotated in and out of the calling, yet it never has happened. The new person that was called to help has only been there sporadically. As to the temple, I think Brian is correct. Pretty good advice. You just struck a chord with me with the nursery calling since it has been the talk of my household since my wife was called to it.
Quote:This seemed to me profoundly significant. To be a Latter-day Saint isn’t merely to belong to a particular religious denomination such as the Methodists or the Episcopalians. It’s to belong to a people.
I would have to agree with this statement. But then again I was born in the church with lines that go all the way back to converts by the Prophet Joseph Smith and Wilford Woodruff. My convert ancestors actually partook of the trek that is part of a historical epic that is now termed a myth or legend by that article I have quoted from. I think this is why sometimes I have an inward struggle to fight against it at times to really appreciate the reality of the Mormon experience. I am like a rubber band that gets stretched to almost apostasy at times yet, I always seem to spring back because of the ethnicity aspect and culture of the church. I know they are deep spiritual roots and I would fight to defend them, much like the saints at Haun’s Mill. Tonight I just watched Legacy with my kids for pioneer day. I fast forwarded the Haun’s Mill stuff since it was a little too intense for my 6 and 7 year old. But we tried to explain things in simple terms. Overall, I think my kids got this sense that they belong to the Pioneer Legacy in some way. I don’t think they really know that “Mormon” is a separate religion from kids at their school that are not Mormon. I think at this point they think that people are either Mormon and go to church, or don’t go to church. I’m gonna wait until they get confronted by non-Mormons with a different opinion of faith before I tell them anything. I try to tell them at least that there are people who don’t believe in the Book of Mormon, and that some people don’t believe in God at all. Some people don’t know the Word of Wisdom and haven’t been taught what they know. This is the extent of letting them know about the “other,” outside of their Mormon bubble.
Read the Templeby Truman Madsen. I think that book is just as good as temple prep class if not better. I also liked Sacred Walls and Temple Symbols. I wrote a review on it posted on this site. I thought that would be a good primer for someone going to the temple for the first time that builds upon the Book of Mormon, and attaches meaning to those who are learning the gospel for the first time. The deeper imagery and symbolism in the temple I got much later (9 years after I went on the mission when I was in graduate school). After helping with teaching temple prep I realized that temple prep just reviews doctrines that surround the gist of the temple ceremony, but don’t really help you to understand meanings of symbols and imagery presented in the temple. If you aren’t too much into symbolism, it takes awhile to really appreciate the temple. In philosophical terms the Endowment is our church’s greatest hermeneutic device that teaches us in a multitude of ways with many different interpretations where there is not one correct way of interpretation or meaning. And the beauty of this is that because we don’t discuss it due to its sacredness, it gives us personal enlightenment that no one can demean or take away from us unless we decide to “cast our pearls before swine.” I didn’t even share my insights with my spouse, because it was so personal I didn’t want to burst her bubble because maybe she wasn’t ready for my interpretation. But when you have those A-ha moments of enlightenment I would still attempt to write them in a journal to reflect on them again. The first time going through the temple and the times subsequent to the first time, I would look at the ceremony as very linear and progressive and see how it relates to what I know about the gospel and then compartmentalize those aspects I do not understand. Such an approach allows you to feel comfortable, but not overwhelmed and then you still feel like you have room to grow. Just be there for them. Don’t be judgmental. I think a lot of people see things like Job’s friends did in the bible, that because you are going through a hard time means you are a sinner. Just because you are having crisis in faith doesn’t mean you are suffering the wrath of an angry God. Life sucks, it is hard and bad things happen to good people. I’m taking a new approach to “less active” members. I don’t invite them to church, I don’t even talk church. I just invite them to social activities and let them know that I am there if they need help with something or want to talk. Thanks for the post. I know I have been guilty of this in my lifetime, and I sometimes feel that it happens to me from others. Wow, thanks for the breakdown into explaining it, I didn’t quite realize such a scripture existed. The power of belief is amazing. Recently in priesthood we talked about healing and that we do not have a monopoly on spiritual healings. I believe that many Roman Catholics as well as other groups have a tremendous amount of faith that does in fact precede being healed. From a book on religious pilgrimages, I quote: “The Catholic church considers itself a living boy, perpetuated from biblical times on, through postsciptural and postapostolic history; because the generative bilblical era was full of revelations and miracles, the possibility remains that similar phenomena may occur today. . . . Miracles did not cease at the death of the last apostle.” (Turner & Turner, 1978)
I’m not too sure what eternal life will be. There is so much talk about togetherness and love and unity; perhaps that’s because most of those concepts are ideals are hard to achieve in this life beyond a superficial level. I know as long as it isn’t the Hell I’ve been told I will go to for being bad, then it has to be something better than this third rock from the sun. Then again, I hope eternal life is a place where I can enjoy the best sunsets, sunrises, walk on the beach barefoot on the sand with my soul mate. If eternal life is as pure as New Zealand was when I went there, then I think it will be worth it. Listen to Josh Groban’s song Don’t Give Up (You are Loved), that song always gives me a boost and I always envision HF saying the words to me. It always makes me feel better. It obviously helps when you have a bishop and a ward that is sensitive to the complexities of divorce. You actually need someone that can empathize with you. I didn’t have a restraining order with my former, but should have. She would just show up to my “new” ward (someone gave her my information of what ward I was in) since I was right near the border of two stakes. I had a toddler so my circumstances were a little different. It is better to be in a new ward for support (in some ways it is as if they take your side especially if you were the proactive one seeking the divorce out of necessity and safety as it appears you are). My old ward, in many aspects sided with my former because there were many women that heard her bitch and complain about me for at least a year. I will never go back to that ward because psychologically it is just a draining proposition to be faced with explaining my situation to everyone and everybody. It is more healthy to move on. it seems to me that it would be safer. I too would be angry any time I heard families can be together forever. Stick with the church, however because it is better to have a support group than none. I had the best ward for the divorce transition that I went through. Hopefully, you can find a ward as equal as mine was to help you and your son, just as my son and I were helped. Don’t give up-it’s just a cross you have to bear for awhile. Quote:Brown wrote Perhaps the enemy to Christ is ourselves. Really that’s who we have to overcome in this life, isn’t it?
But, to be the enemy of Christ we would have to be Satan (he is the one that Jesus is at enmity with” I would have to disagree, I like the protestant hymn “We Have a Friend In Jesus.” The old women at the convalescent home on my mission sang it so well, I couldn’t disbelieve it.
In general, I think this was one of the reason’s Relief Society was made. However, if you think about it. Jesus did a lot to revolutionize how women are viewed in the religious world. He taught a samaritan woman alone (that was a triple taboo) back then (he was alone with her, she was a woman, and third she was Samaritan. Jesus elevated women in a time when they were considered property. I think my wife is very spiritual and does not take enough time for herself. She will serve in church callings that many people would not take such as nursery leader.
