[jch]

I have lurked here for about a year, but after reading this thread felt the need to register and comment. I was sent home from my mission about 2.5 years ago for anxiety issues, and it’s been a very tough road. A lot of what has been brought up here has sadly been true in my case, but this isn’t about me it’s about your son and your family so I just wanted to throw out a little bit of advice. My intention is not to project my experiences on him or your family. I just want to share what has worked for me and what hasn’t.

Like I said, it’s been tough but that doesn’t mean it has been impossible. It’s inevitable that people are going to judge him for it. It takes time to come to the realization that that’s their problem and not yours. You served the best you could. It took me 2 years to get to that point where I could mostly ignore this. It’s easy to recognize and realize that behavior like that isn’t Christ like, but it’s hard to really internalize that belief when you’re the one it’s directed at. Just don’t give up.

Many girls are unfortunately going to react negatively to this, despite the fact that it was an honorable release. This really is one of the most difficult parts of dealing with being sent home. Our culture is so centered around marriage and families and I have to admit that at times I have wondered whether or not I will ever find someone to marry. What makes it easier though is recognizing that I am still pretty young and this gives me time to explore both relationships and the world. It’s true that I have had several dates go south once the girl realizes I was sent home early. It hurts. A lot. But on the other hand it has made the relationships that I have had where the girl doesn’t care more rewarding. Before anyone goes and says that that sounds kind of self deprecating, it’s not. These few girls have exemplified the qualities that I valued the most in a girlfriend before the mission; they’re understanding, empathetic, and slow to judge. My situation has brought me a lot of rejection, but also gave me the opportunity to get to know these girls that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise.

Another difficult part for me that remains difficult to this day is dealing with the emotions that come up whenever missionary work is discussed. Whether it’s a farewell, a homecoming, or just people sharing mission stories it can be hard to handle. Because of the way that you tend to feel that you failed your mission or the way that it feels like people are looking down on you, you just feel like crawling into a ball. Try your hardest to avoid this. It’s really hard, but the sooner you can get in there and share your own experiences (no matter how few or insignificant you think they were) the sooner you come to realize that it wasn’t a failure. Own your mission and don’t let anyone ever tell you that you failed or quit.

The last thing I wanted to comment on is the whole process for going back out. Assuming the policy hasn’t changed since the end of 2010, they’re going to require that he serve a length of time in his home mission. Make sure that if he decides to go back out that the Stake President doesn’t just go out on a whim deciding what needs to be done to convince Salt Lake that he’s ready to go back out. There’s a whole process in place that Missionary Medical and LDS Family Services have and it has to be followed in order to return. My Stake President didn’t know this and it created a huge mess. Also be aware that there is a list of psych medications banned for usage by missionaries that is only available to employees of LDS Family Services. This is something your Bishop and Stake President will not have access to. I don’t know why they keep it secret but they do.

Good luck.

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