Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Orson, I’ve been thinking a ton about this lately. And I love what you say about allowing children their stories. They NEED their stories. I think it’s right to give it to them. Here’s how I am approaching it in my home, with a little Santa analogy to demonstrate what I mean (note that I am NOT comparing God to Santa, just comparing stories about Santa to stories about God).
When children are little, they believe that Santa Claus is literally real. They wouldn’t even understand if we tried to offer a more nuanced explanation.
When they begin to mature, though, they start asking questions. And THAT’S when we fill them in on deeper and more nuanced ideas about Santa Claus. Santa Claus isn’t actually, literally a fat elf in a red suit who flies around the world delivering presents. Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas or the spirit of Giving or the spirit of Magic, or whatever.
I think we can do the same with our religious beliefs without undermining their faith, but enhancing it with age-appropriate answers to questions.
(And I always say, “how do you know when a child is old enough to learn X,Y, or Z? When they ASK THE QUESTION.” You don’t have to answer more than what the question is actually asking, but a straightforward question deserves a straightforward answer. Dodging questions or being less than forthcoming just teaches kids there are things they can’t approach you about — whether it’s sex, or religion, or whatever.)
So, for example, this is how it’s played out at home with my three-year-old…
“Mommy, is God a boy?”
“Yes, baby, I believe God is a boy — AND a girl, too.”
Her response? “Oh! Do you want to play dollies with me?”
Straight-forward, simple, no fuss, no mess. When she’s older, she’ll probably ask me what I mean by that. Then I can tell her. Until she asks, I don’t worry about it.
Now, I might get into a tiny bit of trouble if she repeats that in primary (where I happen to be in the presidency, lol)…but oh well. It’s important for me to answer her honestly and straight-forwardly when she asks me questions. Way more important than whether or not I inadvertently “ruffle some feathers” in the process.
Of course, Ray. Cadence, great questions. I love Ray’s response and will simply add my own perspective here.
I am leaning away from an interpretation of the atonement that is literal and legalistic. I’m open to being wrong on this point, but my best guess is that the atonement was NOT literally required to balance some actual scale of justice — but instead is the most powerful symbol I can imagine of God showing solidarity with us.
If He sends His Son — or even comes down Himself — to suffer with us, to plead our cause, to die an ignominious and painful death, He shows us how much we mean to Him. That there is something about suffering that is inherently valuable. That He can heal and bind all our wounds, because He understands what we’re going through. Ours is not a God who watches distantly from heaven and judges from a place of detachment. Ours is a God who joins us in our pain and makes our pain
Hispain. Whether or not there was a literal transfer of guilt, I have no idea. It’s not particularly important to me. The symbol IS important to me, and it’s a gorgeous one.
UPDATE: My temple recommend interview is TONIGHT!! I’m excited but nervous. Would appreciate any extra prayers… Thank you, Ray. I appreciate both your empathy and your point about grace. I know that is the secret here. And Orson, that is really really useful advice. Thank you!
Thanks everyone for your helpful responses! I really want to view the Brethren charitably. I really want to believe that they have access to inspiration and revelation. I believe that I can work within a definition of “prophet, seer, and revelator” that is liberal enough to include anyone who has this access. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just getting there.
Here’s the rub: without going into too much detail, I’ve been personally damaged by certain church policies and teachings that, as far as I can tell, have come straight from the top. Though I’ve been able to reject the teachings as false or inapplicable in my life, there are moments that the past pain still eats away at me. These moments are much fewer and “far-er” (haha, not a word I know) between these days, but it’s still a hurdle I can’t quite see my way over.
The thought process usually goes like this: how can policies and teachings that caused me so much unnecessary agony come from God? The answer: they didn’t. So how can people who support and perpetuate these damaging concepts be prophets?
I know I’m setting up a false dichotomy. I know I have to be willing to leave room for mistakes and errors and extend them the huge amounts of grace that God has shown me. I know I have to be humble enough to acknowledge that the very same teachings that have been so damaging for me might have been helpful for others. I know that part of finding lasting peace in my own life will be coming to terms with this issue, because it will finally mean forgiveness.
I know all this.
It’s just really, really hard to make it happen sometimes.
Anyway, thank you all for your responses. I’ve found each of them very valuable and something I will try to work with. I especially like the idea that because so many people have such faith in them, it endows them with a special kind of power they couldn’t have otherwise. That’s a very lovely thought.
Seriously, I think I might try inactivity for a minute — just to see what kind of free food I can score! 
Though I’ll second Hawk. Sometimes I can see that people are struggling (it’s easy to spot once you’ve been there), but if we’re not close, I’m never sure how to approach the topic. I don’t know who else knows or if they’ve even admitted it to themselves yet. I don’t know if they’re dying to talk about it or just need some space. I usually try to casually and incrementally be friendly and kind and make very subtle comments that open the door, but if they don’t take me up on it — or I don’t realize they’re trying to respond — I might miss opportunities to reach out simply because I don’t want to be overbearing.
I LOVE this, Ray. I definitely vaunt myself and am far too often puffed up. Thank you for this reminder.
Quote:I plan on obeying for now as he will be checking on me, but is that true repentance? I don’t think so.
I think it depends on why you feel you need to “repent.”
If you were struggling with addiction or alcoholism, or had given it some control over your life, then that might indeed be something that requires a change of heart. In my mind, though, having a glass of wine or beer every now and then is NOT inherently sinful (unless, I suppose, you believe that the prohibition against it in the church is truly divinely mandated — I certainly respect that position, though I don’t hold it personally).
So I’m with you: I keep the Word of Wisdom primarily because I know I’m gonna get asked about it and because it’s a big deal to my brothers and sisters in the church. It is NOT a big deal to me. Frankly, I don’t think God gives a flying fig what beverage you drink at breakfast or dinner, as long as you’re moderate about it. However, I obey because this is a price I’m willing to pay to remain active in the community. And I’ve proactively decided that.
In other words, I don’t know that you necessarily *need* to feel “godly sorrow” about a little alcohol (again, unless it was becoming an issue in your life), and it’s totally okay to admit that you’re obeying because you’re expected to — and out of love and respect for your fellow Saints for whom it IS a serious issue.
I’m certain that most of the visits are generally appropriate and on the up-and-up. Having said that, I had a couple of unpleasant experiences, so if you’re uncomfortable or concerned, I don’t think it’s beyond the scope of appropriateness to quickly and gently sit down with the bishop and — as Hawkgrrl said — let him know what your boundaries are. I know I certainly plan on doing that with my kids when they get old enough.
This is a really challenging issue for me. Mandatory confession for certain sins (especially of a sexual nature) and regular interviews are still my biggest barriers to giving the Mormon community my heart and soul. Having said that, I do believe that confession of a more general nature is healthy. Being willing to openly acknowledge and name your sin — facing the music and saying, “I really failed here,” even in public (when appropriate) — opens you up to God. It’s a sign of spiritual strength, integrity, humility, even emotional stability.
Unfortunately, I fear that the pressure in our community to put your “best face forward” often has the opposite effect. It drives sin underground, because acknowledging, confessing, and facing can have such severe social repercussions. In my experience, confession has been a humiliating, gut-wrenching experience…a punishment for my wrong-doing…as opposed to the liberating, freeing acceptance of grace and forgiveness that I imagine it is intended to be.
I echo your questions and am anxious to hear feedback on this topic, as it’s such an important question for me. Thanks for posting it.
