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Hawkgrrl, can you just provide a link to your book on this, because all your information is fascinating… 
Thanks for the book suggestion! I will need to go check it out! Sounds like something that would be “virtuous, uplifting, and of good report”. Thank you for sharing that story, MWallace. I wasn’t aware of the story, and it literally made me cry to know that those children are treated so well within their culture. It shows the depth of human love that is possible when we don’t place people into boxes, and in a world where we aren’t so scared of what isn’t the “norm”. Hmm, my opinion would appear to be the odd-man-out here, but I am going to express it nevertheless. If this is really bothering you… cutting up your peace… is this harm in asking for a release? I know for me personally, I can’t even handle attending GD, let alone teaching it. There is tremendous joy for me in being able to choose what I choose.
That said, I know there is a desire to share what you know and have learned through this process with others. For myself, I just generally feel that I’m not at that point yet that I can do that without “falling the tree” of others, using Ray’s analogy.
Just my 2 cents, your mileage may vary.
Perhaps eventually. At the moment, I am not feeling in any rush to do so. Its a long explanation, but essentially I needed to take a step back in order to look at this faith journey more objectively and to let go of my anger. Realizing and admitting that I had lost my testimony in a Restoration of the Gospel allowed me to do that. The mental acrobatics of apologetics were truly getting to me. I need a chance to learn and synthesize church history separate from me and my testimony. I suspect it is will take movement into Stage 5 before I can really be ready again for a TR. Which I fully anticipate taking years. I’m grateful to this board and John Dehlin for introducing me to Fowler’s Stages of Faith. I cannot express how helpful they have been in putting the church and its leaders and members into a proper perspective. They have also been helpful for my DH, who has only started his journey since my “decision”.
Welcome, Jordon! I am relatively new here as well, but you will find this to be a wonderful place for supporting your faith when you no longer fit the Stage 3 Mormon mold (you’ll find we quote Fowler’s Stages of Faith around here alot, too). I just wanted to thank everyone on here again for their helpful words, and provide an update. I have finally made peace with my situation and the church. However, in order to do this, I had to make a decision that I didn’t think would ever be possible for me: I am resigning my temple recommend. I realized that, ultimately, I do not have a testimony of the Restoration, at least not as I understand it to be taught. I don’t believe the LDS church to have the only authority on the earth, based on my historical studies. And I do not believe the prophets to be “prophets” in the sense of “prophets for the entire earth”. I do believe that they receive insight and revelation for the flock of the church, albeit in a very similar manner to how I receive revelation. Admitting this to myself – that I was unable or unwilling to go through the mental hoops of apologetics any longer – was amazingly freeing for me. I no longer have to accept everything the church says or does as “ultimate truth,” but I am free to live by my internal moral compass which, so far, has only led me to happiness in this life. It frees me to supplement my faith from Eastern religions or other sources that bring me closer to Deity. And it allows me to stay LDS on my terms.
I am so happy. I am so content. I like and accept the church for the goodness it has and for how it aligns with some of my value system, and that is sufficient for me. I no longer have to feel guilty or at risk of eternal perdition anytime I question the prophet, or make decisions that are contrary to teachings of the church. I am a little sad that I will no longer be able to attend the temple – although I personally no longer view it as required for salvation, it was a religious ritual that was peaceful for me. However, this is such a small thing compared to the peace and insight I have gained.
Thanks, everyone, for all of your help. Now that I have let go of my anger, I think I am more ready for this board.
Thanks for the references. Its pretty fascinating research. I started as Stage 3 Catholic, had a crisis of faith at age 20, and ended up… a Stage 3 Mormon
😆 . I’m now (at age 30) in transition between 3 and 4. I feel like I am getting closer to Stage 4, as much of my anger is gone and I am starting to view religion less and less about the organization and more and more about my personal relationship with and progress towards Deity.Fascinating topic. I am NOM and am an ENFP. Hubby is still active LDS and is INTJ. FWIW, I am also a type 2 on the eneogram. Ophelia – My heart goes out to both you and your son. My disaffection with the church also started with Prop 8, and I am not even a CA resident. Thank you for sharing this. I sincerely hope that your son is able to find acceptance and love in a community of faith. My Bishop is a good man, I’m glad I made the decision to talk to him. Like I said, I was conflicted over meeting with him – while on the one hand, I felt like I should; on the other, I didn’t really know what I was looking for or what he could say that would help me to feel at peace. I think he said just the right thing. He’s quite young, about my own age – maybe 30 or 32 – and is in academia, so I would not be surprised if he has gone through some of these same issues. I would not hesitate with talking to him again (and he asked that I do so). Thank you, everyone, for your kind welcomes. I truly appreciate it. Its nice not to feel so alone. I had a nice talk with my bishop yesterday. I was debating whether I should discuss my problems with him, but ultimately decided in favor of it since he (like me) is an academic, and I thought perhaps he could understand my concerns. He gave me some counsel that really wasn’t what I expected from a church leader. He told me: 1) to keep reading and studying church history from all sources, encouraging me in my academic pursuits of truth and not to “hide under a rock and hope it all goes away,” and 2) to basically treat anything I hear in general conference or elsewhere that is not specifically marked as a commandment as “very good advice to the general membership of the church” that I should feel free to accept or not based on my own family and circumstances, and to ignore the nay sayers in the ward. He also gave me a great piece of advice that I should make sure that I balance my academic readings with “spiritual nourishment” – whether from church, the temple, FHE, scripture reading, prayer, whatever – so that I didn’t feel so conflicted. The thought being that as I invited the spirit into my life, I could better discern between what matters and what doesn’t.
I am not sure whether this sort of advice is helpful for all, but it did really help me. It didn’t fix all of my issues, by any means, but it was nice to get someone else’s input. My husband hears my problems with things all the time, and although he is wonderfully understanding, I don’t think he entirely “gets it”. It was also nice to feel validated in my “intellectual” pursuits of truth.
Having had more time to think over these things, I agree with everyone who has said that this is a natural progression of faith – albeit a painful and challenging one!
Heber13 – I’ve read John’s post, but am unfamiliar with Fowler’s stages of faith. After I read your post, I looked at them briefly, but I realize I need to give them more than a cursory glance
just me – Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth with the “grieving” analogy. That is absolutely what it feels like. Its like finding out your mom and dad aren’t perfect, and that you will just have to figure things out on your own after all. Necessary, but earth shattering.
asha – It was the Cornell Student Branch, in Ithaca, NY. There is no single’s ward up there (too few members), so it was a combined ward with all single and married members with kids under the age of 5. We had divorcees, single moms, the whole gamut, with minimal judging and cliques. I’m not sure what that branch is like now, but 10 years ago it was really, really a special place to be.
Thanks again, everyone. It means a lot to me.
