[keepswimmin]

There are some awesome answers here!!

The reason I stay is because I find comofort, I was born into the church and its something I recognize from my childhood. I’m starting to grow my own opinion about the church now that I’m studying on my own and not trusting others for their testimony. I find that the LDS church teaches great morals and focuses a lot on challenging us to be better more kind versions of ourselves. There are some really honestly good people in the church and I admire that.

My struggles come from selfish things.. WoW and wearing temple garments. Atleast it started from those things.. I took the church VERY seriously at first and it put a lot of pressure on me. But the last few weeks I’ve been on a jourmey to find out what I truly believe. I don’t agree we will only obtain salvation through temple ordinances, WoW, paying a full tithe, etc. I believe we all have different capabilities and I believe we will be individually judged based on that. I have a hard time understanding thr glorys of heaven and we will be placed where we are “comfortable”….. he is our Heavenly FATHER, why should we only feel “comfortable” if we have lived these mortal “guidelines”..? I get that if I continuously had affairs, lied, stole and murdered I would probably feel ashamed in his presence.. but I don’t feel the smaller things will keep me out of his glory. I disagree with how I see so many “TBM” who live the guidelines to a T but then judge others for what they do wrong.. I think learning tolove others regardless of what they’re lacking as CHRIST did is FAR more important than living the church standards.

[keepswimmin]

I agree.. I mean in reality any given pastor in other churches can give a leson and you may feel the spirit testifying its truth. I just am at a point where I feel they teach truth, but I feel some things the church believes are absolute necessity, are not really all that necessary. Its so complex and I feel as long as we are TRULY seeking God and his truth and that we can recognize his spirit, we are all OK. I mean maybe one day I will start to under the “mysteries” of his kingdom, but as of right now it is all confusing to me and I do not feel he will punish me for putting up questions and being hesitant in believing some things.. especially things that if are true should be the most sacred things we hold.. after all isn’t that what we should do? Know for OURSELVES and not trust someone else whose judgement you trust?

P.s. I’m glad you’re an uchtdorf fan.. he has some wise words.

[keepswimmin]

Which is another thing that comes to mind.. i get if they are prophets of god we should recognize that.. but I feel he gets just as much attention from us as God does.. which in a way is “worshipping an image”. It was “come join with us” at the end he is even brought to tears.. it wasn’t so much wwhat HE said but what he made me realize of Christ.. how he truly did sacrifice and suffer.. and how alone he must have felt. I love our savior so much and I would never and could never deny him. And with as much as I do trust in him.. I feel if this was the TRUE way or ONLY way I’d feel it towards the church.

[keepswimmin]

Thalmar I liked the way you put that.. I had talked with some people who hold leadeship positions and they told me to read the BoM and pray.. we all know what they meant was to do that so I believe in it. I love God and Jesus Christ with all of my heart.. I want to live ith them some day.. which is why I’m taking my search so seriously. I don’t want to turn away from the church in fear it is his true church.. but I cannot grasp a lot of our beliefs.. especially how the “good” people will go to terrestial but the “great” to celestial.. why would he deny us to live with him when we always loved and believed him nut didn’t always go above and beyond with our time here.. from my understanding we will only make it if we live true obedient lives, complete our temple ordinances and do our VERY best.. I know God is a very very Holy man BUT he is our father.. will he really reject us if we struggled within the church and ordinances and the temptations of life… idk.

[keepswimmin]

I think I have a “rare” bishop.. him and his wife have been a blessing to my life and though they are TBM to the core I feel confide t he would be understanding and not do more than let me surrender. I kind of feel I need to be honest about it to not feel guilt if they see me without my garments. But I will pray and make that move slowly.

[keepswimmin]

Thank you all for your answers.. I have a strong believe for a mother so I’ve nevee questioned it and now my sisters left and believes its a bunch of crap so I have been faced (which I’m learning has been to my benefit) confliction in mt beliefs and what is the truth of god and jesus.. I am realizing I took the meat before the milk.. I wanted to be the picture perfect mormon and let what members thought become the God I was worshipping.. I was so caught up trying to be perfect in my actions and picture that I wasn’t focusing on gaining knowledge of the gospel and my relationship with christ. With this being said I have felt the spirit too often within gener conference and teachings of the gospel. I don’t understand or even trust in all doctrine yet but I don’t need to. I’m realizing I need to work on my relationship with my heavenly father and gain trust in him and follow his holy spirit in my guidance and knowledge. I need to quit letting the letter of the law and the opinions of other define my worthiness to God. As long as I am at peace with him, no one can make that judgement upon me. With that being said I have ALOTof learning to do I have A LOT of praying to do and I need to discover where I stand as far as temporal things are, I have no testiminy of the WoW I have no testimony of the garment and I’m not even 100% sure I trust that joseph smith was a prophet. But I do know I trust God and I trust the spirit he has had me feel during conferences and studies so I’m going to trust him. I feel that I may need to surrender my TR until I have more confidence in living worthily and feel worthy within myself to confidently say I am worthy to attend. So I would like some advice as far as should I just not use my recommend or should I take it to my bishop to surrendor and let him know I’m not against the church I just realize I have a lot to learn and gain a sure knowledge before i feel at peace with my recommend?

[keepswimmin]

NewLight.. what are your thoughts on earning your salvation through works and not faith? I never realized our church focuses alot on that which is something surfacing for me.. isn’t that why Jesus was sent? To atone for oir sins? We will never be peefect so why do we try so hard to be and why are learning symbolic gestures keys into heaven? I’m a little baffled.

[keepswimmin]

I guess with how pure I was under the impression that it was.. I feel like its made up now and our current leaders have just become perfected in their speech.. if that makes sense? One part of me trusts todays leaders but another part of me feels silly and lied to. I have fears of turning away because of temple covenants but I fear staying because from facts I’ve read I don’t feel truth. Going to church every sunday only stresses me out and I feel guilty missing because than everyone wan ts to know what’s going on.

[keepswimmin]

I think me and DH have made our decision.. we don’t feel God would make salvation so complicating and would want people to cconstantly feel unworthy no matter how hard they try perfecting themselves. I have prayed and have an overwhelming feeling of peace. God loves us and he knows we are fallible and will always fall short which is why he sent Jesus to atone for us. I feel free.

[keepswimmin]

I think they handled it very wrongly. Its one thing to help someone you feel may be struggling and is awesome for them to take the time to find specific material for you.. but with that being said they can’t force you. That tells me they wanted some kind of praise for their work.. which isn’t right. If it were me I’d stay mutual but definitely wouldn’t confide in them or ask for suggestions because clearly if you don’t agree they’ll lecture you Sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior especially given your circumstances. And no I would not say you were being ungrateful.

[keepswimmin]

Lol good analogy! Me and my husband didn’t wear them for a while after we married either (we married in a courthouse) though our reasoning was we couldn’t afford them but it didn’t bother us because we also felt rings don’t mean anything other than showing off your marriage.

[keepswimmin]

Thalmar you get an A+ lol that was just what I needed to hear and though my thoughts are more on garments and WoW, I too feel at peace about my decision.

[keepswimmin]

I might sound naive.. but can you explain seperating church and gospel? I think I understand but I like to know what you mean

[keepswimmin]

Thank you darkjedi, I enjoyed that. My husband is supposed to be going through the temple soon and I guess that may be what is causing sudden anxiety, because I don’t know EXACTLY where I stand. Its almost as if I feel “tied down” so to speak.. I feel lile if I could do what I want and not feel guilty towards “man” I’d be so much happier.. but then I would feel frowned upon by evryone I know at church.. but I also don’t want to lose my membership. I find it hard we have to do all these small things to prove to God we love him.. but in my heart I truly do and I know I am a good person so I feel like its silly in a way (not being rude just stating my feelings). Maybe my issue is I need to STUDY more about God.. and then the gospel.. and then the church. I’m not super knowledgable in the gospel.. I know main points and bits I’ve been interested in a further studied. And my other dilemma is how do I take a “break”.. I miss a sunday and everyone’s asking wherr I am if I’m ok. My husband supports me either way but I don’t know which way it is that I want. Sorry I’m rambling.

[keepswimmin]

I guess that is why I am so torn.. I respect the authority in our church and for the most part I accept the doctrine (there are some things I’m confused about and some subjects I ignore that I’ve heard from anti-mormons).

I’ve been in this confused spot for a while and I’m back and forth about it. I feel I gave up coffee the please man (bishop, missionaties, friends) and I wear garments in public and church to please the same. Yesterday I had an epiphany, I am doing it gor them not God.. I truly do not feel guilty to him for it otherwise I wouldn’t privately be OK with these things.. I do however feel guilty towards people like I’m lying to them but I do not feel God would keep blessings or worthiness from me for these things..

The reason I’m torn isn’t because I’m afraid these people would deem me as bad.. but it would keep me from certain things in the church one important thing being the temple.. which I have a current recommend and like I saI’d I don’t feel these feelings make me unworthy, my heart is where I believe it should be I love our heavenly father and christ and I am an honest person! But if I were to say hey bishop ive been drinking coffee and not wearing my garments I’m suddenly unworthy in the eyes of the church.

That is what pushes me to question things within the church.. I don’t feel these things are bad and I don’t feel they make you unclean.. I understand modesty is a thing of the past given what people accept for clothing these days and I understamd alcohol causes family problems and contributes to bad decisions but any honest God loving person will know when an outfit is risque and won’t party and take advantage of substances. I feel almost like it is taking agency away in a way..

One last subject I would like to touch on with the WoW.. if partaking of the things banned… why can we say we are living it when we eat way more meat than we should.. shove horrible foods into our bodies (I know not every family eats junk but honestly I know more families that eat horribly daily than I do who eat healthy. Putting these things into our bodies are just as if not more harmful than these “forbidden” substances. But we are never ridiculed on them.. only coffee tea and alcohol and tobacco..

As I said earlier I am not justifying my actions, these are just my personal thoughts on the topic and its what is driving me away.. I kind of tried talking to my bishop but tested waters and got the typical answers.. I just don’t feel if I’m doing it to please man that I’m pleasing God.. there is actually a scripture that comes to mind, don’t know reference off top of my head but its in Matthew.

I hope this clarified my post a little more.. I tend to have a lot go on in my head and try tackling it all in writing and it comes out a jumbled mess haha. Any further thoughts are encouraged anyone I try talking to about this doesn’t really care.. which is another thing I feel lonely about.. most people have issues with authority.. mine are mote temporal and no one ever knows what to say.

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