[KimiKiwi]

I love how you describe the monster. It’s the same typical monster we see time and time again. Looks the same, feels the same. It’s there, it does its thing. But that’s it, we let it do its thing. We don’t try and stop it.

I kind of feel the same way. Everyone always gives the same answers in church and does the same things. No one tries to push for more in depth conversation, fearing that we’ll “offend” someone else or that we’ll be questioned because we brought such a taboo subject up. I won’t lie, I’m scared to be seen as that member who actually questions things, who’s not perfect, who doesn’t accept everything exactly the way it’s supposed to be. I have things I want to contribute, but I’m shy and scared, and just too afraid. But I can’t be the only one feeling this way. There has to be someone else in the room wanting to push for something else, something that needs to be brought up, but is often too taboo to discuss at church.

My family is a little “off” and every once in a while my father will actually throw out those odd questions or answers that most don’t really think about. Sometimes, it really does embarrass me, but other times I realize that a lot of people don’t really think about things differently like that and need to be more open to things they won’t always expect.

We do things because we’re expected to do them, because it’s our “duty”. Very seldom do we actually turn down callings because we know we can’t do it. My sister’s turned down a calling before, and even asked to be relieved only a month into another. I respect her very much for being able to realize when enough was enough and what was too much for her to handle.

It would be nice if we could all step out of boxes more often and really contribute to things instead of just saying and doing things because it’s “expected” of us.

[KimiKiwi]

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to convert for me at all and he knows this well. He’s too stubborn and has his own thoughts to ever change for anyone but himself.

I guess it does still sound selfish for me to tell him that I won’t marry him if he’s not LDS, but that’s how strongly I feel about getting married in the temple.

I know that mixed marriages can work, but I still see how in many marriages like this the member often feels distraught knowing that they aren’t sealed for time and all eternity. I just really don’t want all those feelings of wishing he was member, of wishing he was something he’s not.

My grandparents eloped, my grandmother a member, my grandfather, not. I don’t think he joined the church for another 5 years into their marriage and even then they weren’t sealed all as a family until almost 40 years later.

It’s just scary to me and cutting it too close to continuously HOPE that they’ll join the church, to HOPE that we’ll be a family for eternity.

I just don’t know how long I’m willing to wait to see how his interest in the church grows before I decide if I really want to stay with him or not.

Thinking about it this way makes me feel even more selfish though and I really don’t like it, but I know I should also think about what’s best for me and what I truly want out of life.

[KimiKiwi]

I’ve come across a lot of issues with the church. How doctorine doesn’t always match up with things leaders have done. I feel like some of these things are more temporal and human related. People make mistakes, we’re imperfect, God and the Gospel itself are not. I feel like maybe there’s just miscommunication along the way and things get changed, people make mistakes. I have too many strong feelings about what I know is true to feel extremely swayed by other issues. I guess I choose to ignore some things sometimes. Maybe I’m just naive and childish, but it how I think and feel.

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