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We’ve found out none of her BYU credits in her MAJOR field would transfer to Michigan. None! Some GEs will transfer (but she is already finished first two years of college through dual enrollment system) . So her heart was set for Michigan, then last week, she’s received a Talent Award which reduces the tuition even less (a lot less) expensive.
First of all, I was very annoyed by the fact it came so late (after their semester had ended! They seems so slow in everything….)But, Gee, this is so cheap, no school is this cheap. It is very tempting to pick Y.
OK, she can still go to Y. We can save so much money. However, we are not sure about the program. She is going into Art which is heavily censored by the university. She submitted so many drawings of nude for the award. Apparently the faculties did not mind. But I warned her that she can’t do it anymore (she loves nudes!! Her nude drawings are breath takingly beautiful.) at BYU. The models wear tiny bikinis, but that is still not the same as complete nude. At BYU, life drawing is just learning about the human figure, not for creating it to be a piece of art. The figures the students draw seem rather identical and seem like all the models are at peace. There is no drama in the drawings, just nice, politically correct rendering.
She can be creative. as long her work does not offend “anyone”, that include conservative students, mothers with young children, anyone from community, in addition to the administrators.
She is weighing two options between cheap tuition with censorship and higher tuition with freedom.
She’s already has a client to purchase her figurative work and her graphic novel in foreign language is on a way. Do you think BYU is a good fit for her?
To RoadRunner; That is a good idea. I hope to remember to post the results.
There was one thing that made her/me feel concerned about BYU
censorship.I would like the college not to hide or cover up as if there is no such thing as nude arts or new world philosophies, real issues within our church or society and such; and pretend they do not exist. none of us is that holy, none of us lives idealistic life with deep gratitude every minute, and no country is without problems, yet we are supposed to live with complete serenity and bury issues as they are not existed.
Instead of trying to hide, I want educators to lead discussion and help the young people to come up with h/er own conclusion.While doing that, the professors can guide young people to discern good from bad, not just superficially touch, or give them exact politically collect answer, or avoid altogether. This is the only way that they can reach the adult level ability of true discernment. I want my daughter to internalize ideas/concepts to develop her critical thinking ability.
While DH was attending Ricks College taking a course called, Social Problems, since it was a very last class this particular professor was to teach just before his retirement, he announced the whole class in the beginning that he will teach the class in a way he was not allowed for entire teaching career there.
He knew that he was retiring so the school can not fire him; there was nothing to risk.
He said, ” I am going to teach you the materials I wanted to share with my students for all these years but couldn’t.”
He showed the class images, videos and articles (all pretty graphic) of true nature our our society and its issues, followed by Socratic discussion. It was a real learning and the best class he had had in the college.
So far, everyone in the ward had an eye-brow raised reaction to our decision, risking our daughter to be devoured by wolves. Choosing worldly school over the “Lord’s college” is unthinkable that we have been out of our minds. They said how wicked the student body of Michigan is. But I know there are many religious students there as well. She will have to learn to discern out of necessity.
Our DD has not and will not graduate from 4-year Seminary. Yet, for some reason, she was admitted to BYU. The facts she has had a weak liver and has been enrolled at college since 15 & 1/2 y.o., made very difficult for her to go to the early morning seminary five days a week. So, she attended only a year during the sophomore year, then independent study during the junior year, the LDS Institute during the senior year. She did not go at all during the freshman year. Sure, some very meaning people with best intentions in the ward(s) told us to encourage her to go. But for us, her health was more important than the seminary or obeying or pleasing the seminary teachers. She wanted to please us and seminary teacher but we told her to live her life according to HER needs, not anyone else’s.
My missionary son only finished two years of seminary, not four. He is currently serving a Mission in Japan and he is a very successful missionary despite the fact he did not graduate from 4-year seminary.
My DH and I do not force our children to attend any church sponsored activities, although DH is pushier than me.
We, the parents, cannot guarantee how our children turn out to be. Never mind about the eternity; it is not our responsibilities. Parents job is to love them and try to accommodate their needs as much as possible so that they have relatively happy and productive lives (under the circumstances). We can teach them but I am not sure about the next one. “Making sure my kids get into the Celestial Kingdom” is a very understandable, caring parents’ statement; however, such outcome can not be guaranteed. Desire to live in a certain way and do the certain things must come from the child h/erself. Sure, we can suggest and influence, but it is ultimately his/her choice. And whether or not the child can attain a Celestial glory is decided by someone else, not us parents, unfortunately.
I did not grow up in a Christian or a Mormon home, yet I knew how I was supposed to live and what was right from wrong (although they were just basics). I did not have Gospel but I was OK and did not get into troubles. I think many Mormon parents are overly serious and uptight about raising children which can sometimes make parenting quite unenjoyable.
Seminary is not a prerequisite to be admitted to the Celestial Kingdom, neither the Mission. From the large scheme of thing, it does not matter. If we really want our children to be able to attain such a high goal, first of all, we the parents must be the type of people who are good enough to be admitted, before even talking about our children
yes, that means I will fail.After all, all we can do is to love them, nothing more. But that is just my personal opinion.
If your DD wants to go, she can try to see how it goes. If it’s too hard, she can switch to the independent study or the online course.
Difference in opinion between your husband and you sounds very common just like in many households. I suppose you can encourage your DD to go to the seminary initially to keep a peace at home. She can always change her mind later.
Below is the excerpt from my favorite parenting specialist which sort of sums up the way we should keep in our minds while raising our precious children.
My child isn’t my easel to paint on.
Nor my diamond to polish.
My child isn’t my trophy to share with the world.
Nor my badge of honor.
My child isn’t an idea, an expectation, or fantasy.
Nor my reflection or legacy.
My child isn’t my puppet or project.
Nor my striving or desire.
My child is here to fumble, stumble, try, and cry.
Learn and mess up.
Fail and try again.
Listen to the beat of a drum faint to our adult ears.
And dance to a song that revels in freedom.
My task is to step aside.
Stay in infinite possibility.
Heal my own wounds.
Fill my own bucket.
And let my child fly.
–Dr. Shefali Tsabary
I love the Gospel but can’t stand with all the extra, never-ending busy works in the church! Some people, like us, can not keep up with them, no matter how much we want to (no, we don’t).
Incident like this will lead more people to go against the church and makes my missionary son’s life even harder. He has been working so hard in a barren field which makes me want to cry……Sob.
Not only I feel the pain of this bishop but also the suffering of all the missionaries throughout the world, especially in the industrialized countries where my son is.
The LDS Church does not obey the US Constitution, specifically, a freedom of speech. I suppose it is perfectly OK not to obey, if there is a religious conflict.
Christ did not excommunicate anyone. It must be a LDS culture.
LDS church is creating its own enemy like this; it is choking own neck; and it is digging its own grave hole.
I believe this continues. Sigh……
Thank you everyone who has taken time to respond to me. My daughter has chosen Michigan over BYU.
We made matrics and scored all the criteria points and Michigan scored slightly higher. Then, she went to Heavenly Father. According to her, the God did not care whichever she chose….(parents cared….).
She has to decline talent award and research assistantship from BYU. That is a bomber for her parents.
She may be risking her great opportunity in increasing her testimony, but she also feels that she does not belong to a marriage promoting institution.
She has neither a skinniest waist (she is just right!) nor the perfect complection. She has a wonderful personality with multiple talents. But those are probably not good enough to be asked for a date. One of the most positive aspect of going to BYU is a marriage opportunity, but that is also the most negative aspect for her.
At Michigan, she does not have to be gorgeous. She just have to focus on course works which she really wants to do.
Michigan also has international reputation while BYU has reputation mainly in US, although it depends on a field.
So, we weighted pros and cons and researched and talked with so many people. And we were so exhausted thinking too much!
But the greatest reason to go to Michigan is that she is not ready to leave a nest and she has a freelance work she needs to complete before she goes to anywhere.
But the price is a lot more than BYU. We will just try for this coming fall to see how it goes and adjust if things don’t work.
Everyone who has given us suggestions, insights, and examples, I sincerely appreciate your inputs which has been so helpful!
Thank you, thank you, and thank you so much!
We came back to Church from 5 years of inactivity. It has been exactly three years since then. Most of the time, I only stay for a sacrament meeting. My daughter goes to Sunday School and Young Women once in awhile. My husband is most active. The members are nice, I mean polite. But I can sort of feel that they view us as not so active still. We are distanced. We are not asked to give a talk or give a lesson. I suppose we are “watch outs.” Sometimes, I feel sad that I can not be like other TBMs. But this is all I/we can do for now, emotionally and physically.
In order for us to stay in the church, we ignore the things we can not believe but stick with the relationship-with-God aspect and the positive elements of the Gospel. If we absolutely have to take the whole church thing as a package, we can not stay. I have been struggling with this feeling all along.
But one Sunday, some members in my husband’s HP group have expressed their honest opinions, by saying that they do not believe everything. Then the RS 1st president commented that is the case for all of us. I was relived to hear them saying that.
For now, the Sacrament Meeting is enough meeting for us and we probably do not need all the other meetings on Sunday and extra activities during the week.
I think it is all right for everybody to be different and feel about Church differently. Of course, some GA may say different things, but I believe when the leaders’ opinions crash with my most reliable conscience, then, I choose my conscience. And this is exactly what our super active Elder’s Quorum President said in front of the entire congregation during the Sacrament about a year ago.
I think every religious meeting does not have to be interesting or wonderful every time. Although I wish that is the way it is.
Because this is the way in any church, not just LDS Church. If I learn one little inspirational thing on Sunday at church, I tell myself this is enough and I can call it a blessing of the day. I smile most of time to everyone in the church and they smile back to me, most of the time, even though much of them may be superficial. I am at least thankful that they are not rude to us. Truly, I want to be more honest but since I only go to the church to learn about very basic elements of Gospel, take the sacrament for the remission of my sin, and feel a little peace, nothing else matters. In fact, I ignore most of the thing in the church. They are secondary in importance. RS sisters often comment, “i need to do food storage, gardening, more service in the church, go to temple more often, do genealogy, etc., etc.” They are all secondary. I do not do any of those things (at least for now). The most important things are very few and that is what we should be focusing on. And Holy Ghost told me that is absolutely correct. Trying to be a good person, if not perfect, is the most important thing and everything else is trivial. But if those trivial things can really help us to be a very good person, then, they have a place in the church. At least that is what I think.
I hope things will get better for you soon.
Hi everyone. Thank you for all the heartfelt and thoughtful suggestions for us. I am very appreciated of the efforts to help me understand regarding the college decision.
I am exhausted from working all day as a translator (and helping my DD deciding her college!) and I think I have a flue symptom at this moment.
So, please allow me to write more later, perhaps tomorrow.
I am a native Japanese being employed as a technical/legal translator at a multi-national corporation, supplementing my husband’s (meager) income as a university professor.
If you have any question regarding the Japanese Staylds, feel free to ask me anything.
Good night.
Hi Dax, Unfortunately No. We are living in Michigan and University of Michigan is about 20 min. away from our house. That was the major reason she has applied to the school so that she can commute from home (we can not pay for the dorm).
I think she does not want to turn down Michigan because of some prestige (in this area) comes with the name but the price and the reputation for hard-core party school are hard to ignore. I’ve heard the horror story, but the students body looks very nice and decent during the day. Our daughter is very obedient and have never done anything very bad. But she may be changed by the peer pressure.
During the time of away from church, our two older sons have gone so wild and completely swallowed up by the world that DH and I were in shock. I did not know our sons were that weak. They were good when they were teens though. Because of the experience, I know how powerful the influence of other young adults is. Yet, I want her to choose based on the program…….. I wish she can choose both, excellent program and high moral standard (and affordable tuition). Perhaps University of Utah may be one of those schools.
Thank you for your two cents. Did you go to UofU?
Welcome Spacerasta, My 25-year-old son is a gay. He has been very confused about his identity last 6 years or so. Now, he is showing a positive sign and moving forward to live his life more confidently.
He is a gay. My husband and I love our gay son. He is only a gay, but he is a good person. He is an intelligent, talented, and kind individual. He is not a criminal; he works hard and pays his tax; & He is a decent citizen of his country. Which means he possess all the great qualities but he is a gay. He is battling with his identity and this may continue throughout his lifetime. I am in this battle with him, because I am his mom.
The world is getting more open but is still a hostile environment for them. When it is already painful, why the family members join the world to add more pain, instead of supporting them. It does not matter whatever they are doing is correct or wrong. We are not here to judge but to love one another, despite the differences. As Christ said, the “Charity’ is the most important thing in the world, then, we should love gay or transgender people as well. I am sure Christ would show them love, compassion, and mercy. Loving a person is to try to treat them in decency and sympathy; treat them as they are a expensive, precious stone. My son is a child of God; your sister is a child of God. The world will judge them as ‘just” gay or transgender. But for us, they are our precious son and sister. Inside what it seems ‘unthinkable,” there is a great spirit which possess the godliness. We need to see it though our spiritual eyes. That is the only way we can avoid being judgmental.
We are all the same, no one is better than others.
I think it is wonderful that your sister can trust you, at least you.
Regarding your depression issue, all I can say is that you are not alone. I have discovered that so may people in our ward have taken anti-depressant some time in their lives. There is no one in the world always positive and happy every moment of h/is life. If you are, then, you don’t have to be here anymore. You should be elevated to a higher level
Godhood! Try to find some positive aspect in the seemingly negative events in your life. When the negative is so huge that you feel you are swallowed by it, you must try to find some good thing in it. God will make even the bad/sad/terrible experiences into the wonderful ones. I promise.Kittylover
