[logartist]

Wow…I was perusing before posting my introduction, but I feel like I may as well just repost yours and sign my name. It felt good to see someone who’s experience is so like mine, but at the same time, I am mourning your loss along with you. I was also raised in the Church, served a mission, served in elder’s quorums, and was even called to the High Council at 29 yrs old. I am also 36, been married 13 yrs and I too have 3 kids (my oldest is 12 and expecting me to ordain him). I have born powerful testimony to others in the past that has helped keep them in the Church….and yet here I am, wondering all the same things you are wondering about where to go from here. I love the life path my LDS background set me on, and the moral compass it has given me. I don’t think I would change that if I could. But I am struggling with what level of participation is best, ‘knowing what I know.’

My profession also breeds skepticism, albeit perhaps of a different bent…I’m a cop. It’s also a profession that makes being actively religious difficult anyway. But it definitely has given me a nose for ‘BS’ and the outlook that if it seems far-fetched, it probably is. I too am struggling with the all or nothing reaction that ‘if Mormonism ain’t true, ain’t nothin true.’

Some of my past spiritual experiences are easier to dismiss than others though, and my wife has reminded me of a couple pretty powerful moments that I can still hold on to as at least plausibly miraculous. So I guess at the moment you might call me agnostic.

I am very happy not to be ‘alone’ in my experience though. And I hope you and I both find some fellowship here that might help us reach a state of peace. Thank you for sharing.

–Joe

[Author]

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