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Reuben wrote:lotsofgray wrote:
Personally I don’t feel like I have any privacy or way to set boundaries or decline “invitations” without repercussion.
It might not feel like it, but you do. First, half the time you don’t need to respond immediately, which gives you time to think things over and even post about them here if you feel stuck. Second, I’ve read that responses like these are effective:
“I don’t feel like that’s something I can commit to right now.”
“If it’s all the same I’d rather not today.”
“I’ve noticed that Auxiliary X could use some help with Y, and I’d feel better about doing that instead.”
In response to statements like these, repercussions are normally no worse than the inviter being a little confused or curious. Most people won’t pry, and you can stop them politely if they try.
Thanks for this – I need the words and phrases and then some practice using them!Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Totally agree with the illusion of growth we all are told is a sign or blessing of our efforts from above. Reminds me of the “miraculous” growth in missionary applicants in the year following the age reductiions — simple math tells you that by increasing the eligibility by one year (half of a two year mission) that for the following two years you will have a temporary “bump” in applicants. Not real growth in interest, just eligibility for those who would have gone a year earlier anyway. I digress – I do serve heavily in temporal and scouting programs and consider myself more committed to those I serve than most others who can barely show up. I just don’t feel I have to work so hard to avoid being “outed” for a weak testimony in the process. Only option seems to be to stop showing up altogether. But I appreciate your comments… Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I just went through a similar version of this with my niece. My brother has battled an extreme mental illness since she was born and was unable to attend her sealing. I am her only biological uncle and it sort of fell on me to (I suppose) “stand in” for my brother at her sealing. I have been a conscious TR non-holder for over 5 years now, and I felt the pressure or expectation from many sides of the family to do this for her, knowing full well I would have to lose my integrity to answer the questions for the TR. I didn’t have to think hard not to do this as even though I struggle with church testimony, my happiness these days is derived from maintaining personal integrity and being true to myself in terms of what I do and don’t believe. I respect that others do believe and have had real personal confirmation of things, and for them the temple and other church experiences add to their feelings of love and peace and the presence of the Lord. For me the experience is something else, but I had to explain to my niece, her mother, and other members of the family that I had chosen to be with many members of our family that likewise for various reasons choose not to be (or are not members) active in the church or TR holders. Very hard to do and without going into any specific reason why I felt the way I did I simply expressed to her my love and support for her and her husband and the new family unit they have created. Nothing but love. I don’t know how they feel about me since (again) this is one of those testimony tests (of many) we are put through in the church. I congratulate you on maintaining your integrity and respecting others’ wishes in the process. May they do the same for you ongoing and as your life journey continues.
I guess I find it very hard to say no and mean it to those at church who want my time or feel that I need their class or program or whatever. I think I’ll find and take an assertiveness class somewhere… Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
