[Martine]

Maybe…

Having a faith crisis during the transition from a ‘YSA’ to ‘Family’ ward has resulted in my becoming less-active. Had I not been in a YSA ward and already established in a family ward, things may have turned out differently.

[Martine]

Thanks for the thoughtful comments, everyone. I appreciate the reminders that I am in control. You’re right, I am! Actually, this is a concept that’s relatively new to me; it’s been a difficult process over the past few years to finally learn how to be more assertive with authority figures (extremely patriarchal upbringing, anyone?), particularly in the church. So I’ll count this as practice!

I don’t intend to burn bridges or anything like that…but yeah, new (old new) things can be intimidating. I just need to take my own advice and do what I wish more people would: keep an open mind. We’ll see how it goes…

[Martine]

Thanks, all. I wanted to share because I find it really easy to get bogged down in the negative and always anticipate the worst possible outcome, so that experience really changed my thought process and reinforced the idea that “Hey! Maybe not everyone’s out to get me!”. Regardless of what path I take, just knowing that there are in fact open minded, (truly) Christ-like people out there is immensely helpful. Outside of here, of course!

(I have some extended family that I’m fairly certain will not behave so well, but meh, they’re family. They’re stuck with me. 😈 )

[Martine]

Just read this thread and your follow-up, and wow, what a smart kid you have! Sounds like you don’t need any parenting tips. 🙂

I don’t have any children myself as of yet, but I would have been annoyed, too. But I’m Canadian as well, so perhaps it’s in my nature.

[Martine]

SamBee, I know this is a late response, but I hope you don’t mind my two cents.

As a fellow writer, I’ve struggled with some of what you’re describing here. I’ve published fiction, actually, and I understand how fine the line is. How to write truthfully without compromising church ideals is definitely tricky. I think what any writer would tell you, be it Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting), O.S. Card, or even Mormon (!), is to just be honest. If you have a character in your head and he/she is gruff and foul mouthed I don’t think you necessarily need to polish them up like a scruffy pair of shoes. I heard a famous author once say that the writer is the filter of the story – the story exists as a whole and the amount that gets written is up to the writer. So if you have a foul mouthed character, let him be! Does he have to use the absolute worst words you’d hear on the street? Of course not. Perhaps we get him on a better day where ‘sh*t’ is the worst thing he says. But forcing a character to be more ‘trashy’ than necessary, or conversely cleaning one up for appearances does a disservice to both the story and you, the author. I’ll point out that they certainly didn’t clean up (at least not much) the gory bits in the BOM! However, if you want Deseret Book to be your publisher, disregard everything I’ve said.

And FWIW, Orson Scott Card, who has a column in Mormon Times (so no one’s blacklisted him yet), wrote a book called ‘Lost Boys’, (I think) in the mid 80’s that featured a very interesting main character: a faithful LDS man with a bit of a swearing problem. He didn’t go so far as to use the dreaded ‘f’ word, but I remember reading it as a teen and being very surprised that it was written by an LDS person.

Good luck!!!

[Martine]

Old-Timer wrote:

… although he skipped right over the statement of Rehoboam’s counselors in 1 Kings 12:10 that his little finger would be thicker than Solomon’s “loins”. (Frankly, my favorite quote of the entire OT – especially since flat-out NOBODY mentions it in SS.)

No disrespect to the meaningful discussion occurring on this post, but I wanted to mention that when teaching this lesson in a YSA ward a few years ago, I decided I absolutely HAD to mention that scripture because it is awesome. So I said something along the lines of “And then he made a rather insulting comment about Solomon’s virility, feel free to read it yourselves…” and got chuckles from most of the guys in the class. One of the bishopric members commented to me afterwards with a bright red face that he’d never seen that scripture before, but perhaps it wasn’t the best choice to bring attention to it. I think I just laughed.

[Martine]

The moment I realized that I donn’t have all the answers, and that no one actually does, I experienced the most profound relief. (I also experienced simultaneous terror and elation, but relief is the dominant feeling. )

[Martine]

I have very recently changed my views on tithing, as I posted last week sometime. I went from paying on gross to paying on net – and I actually feel really fantastic and relieved about it. Before, my motivation was to prove to … God, I suppose, that I was willing to sacrifice as much as I could to prove my devotion. All that was doing was stressing me out. Now, I pay on net and plan to divest that extra into other good things. It’s awesome.

The other posters are correct – it’s up to you. Only you can know the answer to the question ‘Do you pay a full tithe?’

[Martine]

Orson wrote:

Today I look back at myself before the faith crisis and see that I was much more “lukewarm” then. I feel like I have much more purpose and understanding in everything I do now.

Amen to that.

[Martine]

What a good idea! I really like what Tom said in his second paragraph. I would also include that just because someone is questioning their beliefs, to toss out the WoW entirely and go hog-wild isn’t a great idea, but maybe re-examining exactly why you might follow it. While I personally avoid the big 4, (black tea/coffee, booze & tobacco) I do so now because it’s what’s best for me. I don’t avoid them because I’ve been told to or because I have the belief that God will think I’m more righteous, which is why I did before.

I’ll also second the point of losing credibility with LDS friends if they know you break the WoW as they interpret it.

[Martine]

This post almost moved me to tears – not an easy feat! Thanks for sparking me to think about the messages I love from the Book of Mormon. I’ve been ignoring it for the past little while and reading the NT, but as I read your post my mind flashed to one of my favorite parts, King Benjamin’s address. I’ve always loved the verses where he talks about how it’s so easy for us to discard people who are struggling because we might think they deserve it or brought it upon themselves, I think it’s in Mos. chapter 4, and he says, “Are we not all beggars?” and talks about how we all depend on God, whatever the source of our misery. Wow. That really resonates with me. We are all here on earth together and all have our difficulties, it doesn’t matter who we are or our situation – we are all dependent on God, whatever you choose to interpret him/she/it as.

[Martine]

Heber13 wrote:

The choice for change should be to step forward and be better, and really learn for yourself what you believe is right for you. Then it doesn’t matter so much what others think.

I really like this – and I really like the other responses as well. Thank you. And you’re right – it’s about what I feel is right for *me* and it’s between me and God. I realize I *could* go out and go crazy and hit the clubs and do all sorts of … things. But even though I could, I don’t want to and it just wouldn’t feel right because it’s just not me, and it wouldn’t be a step forward or a trade upwards. The green tea is just a small example of letting go – I don’t plan on running wild with breaking the WoW (family history of alcoholism, no thanks!) but maintaining such strict standards while dealing with a faith crisis was starting to affect my mental health. I’m all about good mental health!

swimordie wrote:

In my mind, it’s not “perfection” in the obedience sense of the word, rather “perfection” in the acceptance sense of the word: accepting oneself, accepting others, and accepting the blessing of life as it is. Because life does seem to be the perfect teacher.

This is great. And it’s funny you post this, because I’ve really been focusing on honestly accepting others as they are. It seems to help those little doubts in my mind. Maybe it’s the ‘what’s inside is what you see’ concept. If I focus on accepting others as they are, I allow others to do the same for me and that relieves a little of my uncertainty.

[Martine]

Thanks so much for this – it very aptly puts me in my place. I’ve had the urge lately to do this to a particular family member in moments of frustration during arguments, but who am I to do that to others? I’m still working on my own replacement dream, too.

[Martine]

Thanks for reminding me of E. Uchtdorf’s quote – I love that. And I aslo love the quote from E. Pinnock – so true! Not a bad argument for keeping the CHI under wraps, in some ways.

[Martine]

Thanks all, I appreciate the comments, they articulate quite well some of the thoughts I’ve had on the subject. Yeah, it’s very difficult to arrange and reconcile the ‘known’ in relation to the ‘unknown’, particularly when the ‘unknown’ is sketchy at best and irritatingly evasive. But I refuse to believe that all the good people I know that married other good people outside the temple won’t have whatever blessings or progression is available in the next life because of that. That’s just not a system I want to be a part of.

*sigh* I’m still trying to reconcile 30 years of black-and-white church teachings with my new-fangled cynicism. It’s a process…

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